hands, and it wouldn’t be so bad if I felt guilty for it. But I don’t. That’s a part of me I could never let her see. A part of me that isn’t going to change.”
“She’d have loved you even if she saw it.”
“I know.” His voice was low, harsh. “It would’ve broken something in her, though. You know that, too.”
Kentucky tried not to think about gentle Lynnie trying to process the horrors of war. Of the man Sean had become. Reconciling the good man he was with the horrible things he’d had to do. He was right.
“I’m sorry.”
“So was I. So was she. We’re all sorry.” He sighed. “But you understand now, right? If I hadn’t called her and told her, she wouldn’t have been out on that road. You know how Lynnie loved to drive whenever she had something she needed to work out.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Sean. I’m not going to beat you over the head with it, because it won’t matter until you decide it for yourself. But you have no control over what Lynnie chose to do or not do. She was her own person. Just like you.”
He didn’t answer her.
“She wouldn’t blame you. You know that.”
“I do, which is why I have to do it for her. She was always too forgiving for her own good.”
“Does Eric know?”
“I talked to him before I made the call.”
“And what does he say?”
“The same thing you do.”
Kentucky scooted closer to him and put her arm around his waist and rested her cheek against his back.
“I tried so hard to save her, Kentucky. But I broke her anyway.”
“You didn’t break her. You don’t give her enough credit.” She stroked her fingers down over his biceps. “Lynnie was a lot of things. She was sweet, she was kind, but she was never weak. She’d never let you break her.”
“You didn’t see the same side of her I did.”
“I could say the same to you.”
“She was so soft, so fragile, Kentucky.” He rolled over to face her. “But you’re not. You’re not soft at all.”
His hands moved down her hips, to between her thighs.
“Except here. Here—” he slipped his fingers beneath the silk of her panties and thrust up into her “—you’re soft and sweet, but you’re made to be filled with everything I can give you.”
His words were a kind of trespass; he was hiding in their lust from his pain. She wanted to tell him no. That was a lie. She wanted to be strong enough to tell him no. Kentucky wanted to make him face his pain.
She wanted him to see her as more than a temporary fix.
He said he wouldn’t treat her that way, but he already was. He was feeling so many emotions he didn’t want to feel, and instead of processing them, he’d made the situation sexual. In a strange way, he’d taken away the intimacy because this was on defined, temporary terms.
And she’d agreed to it.
He was basically telling her that he didn’t worry about breaking her, and on one hand, she loved that. On the other, she wondered if it was because he cared if he broke Lynnie but not her.
She shook the thought from her head. She wasn’t going to do this to herself. She knew what she’d signed up for with him and it was what she wanted.
Would she really want a relationship with him? Maybe the guy he was before, the high school football all-star who was a sweet kid with an earnest smile. But the man he was now? He wasn’t sweet, and while he was still earnest, he didn’t have that small-town innocence anymore.
He’d seen the darker things in the world and he’d chosen them.
And she, she was choosing him; she was choosing this moment. She was choosing to feel everything, to let it all burst within her no matter which road her feelings took. She grabbed his shoulders and shifted so that he rolled atop her. “So fill me.”
He did.
Almost as if they were in a dream, he slid her panties down her legs, never breaking eye contact. He pinned her there with his gaze, the intensity making her helpless and unwilling to move for fear of breaking this
“She’d have loved you even if she saw it.”
“I know.” His voice was low, harsh. “It would’ve broken something in her, though. You know that, too.”
Kentucky tried not to think about gentle Lynnie trying to process the horrors of war. Of the man Sean had become. Reconciling the good man he was with the horrible things he’d had to do. He was right.
“I’m sorry.”
“So was I. So was she. We’re all sorry.” He sighed. “But you understand now, right? If I hadn’t called her and told her, she wouldn’t have been out on that road. You know how Lynnie loved to drive whenever she had something she needed to work out.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Sean. I’m not going to beat you over the head with it, because it won’t matter until you decide it for yourself. But you have no control over what Lynnie chose to do or not do. She was her own person. Just like you.”
He didn’t answer her.
“She wouldn’t blame you. You know that.”
“I do, which is why I have to do it for her. She was always too forgiving for her own good.”
“Does Eric know?”
“I talked to him before I made the call.”
“And what does he say?”
“The same thing you do.”
Kentucky scooted closer to him and put her arm around his waist and rested her cheek against his back.
“I tried so hard to save her, Kentucky. But I broke her anyway.”
“You didn’t break her. You don’t give her enough credit.” She stroked her fingers down over his biceps. “Lynnie was a lot of things. She was sweet, she was kind, but she was never weak. She’d never let you break her.”
“You didn’t see the same side of her I did.”
“I could say the same to you.”
“She was so soft, so fragile, Kentucky.” He rolled over to face her. “But you’re not. You’re not soft at all.”
His hands moved down her hips, to between her thighs.
“Except here. Here—” he slipped his fingers beneath the silk of her panties and thrust up into her “—you’re soft and sweet, but you’re made to be filled with everything I can give you.”
His words were a kind of trespass; he was hiding in their lust from his pain. She wanted to tell him no. That was a lie. She wanted to be strong enough to tell him no. Kentucky wanted to make him face his pain.
She wanted him to see her as more than a temporary fix.
He said he wouldn’t treat her that way, but he already was. He was feeling so many emotions he didn’t want to feel, and instead of processing them, he’d made the situation sexual. In a strange way, he’d taken away the intimacy because this was on defined, temporary terms.
And she’d agreed to it.
He was basically telling her that he didn’t worry about breaking her, and on one hand, she loved that. On the other, she wondered if it was because he cared if he broke Lynnie but not her.
She shook the thought from her head. She wasn’t going to do this to herself. She knew what she’d signed up for with him and it was what she wanted.
Would she really want a relationship with him? Maybe the guy he was before, the high school football all-star who was a sweet kid with an earnest smile. But the man he was now? He wasn’t sweet, and while he was still earnest, he didn’t have that small-town innocence anymore.
He’d seen the darker things in the world and he’d chosen them.
And she, she was choosing him; she was choosing this moment. She was choosing to feel everything, to let it all burst within her no matter which road her feelings took. She grabbed his shoulders and shifted so that he rolled atop her. “So fill me.”
He did.
Almost as if they were in a dream, he slid her panties down her legs, never breaking eye contact. He pinned her there with his gaze, the intensity making her helpless and unwilling to move for fear of breaking this
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