Read Online Miles From Kara by Melissa West - Free Book Online

despite everything. Expectation. Righteousness. I wanted to see Colt. I wanted to feel his warmth, laugh at his weird jokes, get lost in his commanding stare.
    Colt:
How badly?
    Me:
Too much for any good to come of it.
    I sat my phone on my stomach and drew a breath, just as a knock sounded from my door. I glanced at the text and then the door. Surely not . . .
    I reached for a tissue from my nightstand and called out, “Come in.”
    The door cracked open and my heart froze, waiting, but then Olivia slipped into my room.
    â€œOh, no. Are you crying? What happened, Kar?”
    I dabbed away the mascara under my eyes and sucked in a rattled breath. I loved Olivia. She was my best friend. I could tell her this. Trust her with this.
    I closed my eyes and then peered over at her as she sat on my bed. “I realized that I don’t love Ethan anymore.”
    She didn’t say anything, didn’t react at all.
    â€œDid you hear me?”
    Olivia scratched her head. “Yeah, sorry, I just . . . I guess I already knew that.”
    â€œYou did?”
    She shrugged. “You never talk about him anymore. You never worry over where he is or who he’s talking to. It’s like whatever was in you that responded to Ethan just went away. I don’t know when it happened, but it did.”
    Tears began to pool in my eyes again. All this time I thought I was hiding my deepest feelings, when really I had them on display for anyone to see. I covered my face with my hands and cried harder.
    â€œDo you think he knows?”
    Again Olivia went silent.
    I peered over at her. “What?”
    She drew a breath and then stared out into my room, eyeing a piece of art I’d chosen from the Market. It was a candle that sat on my nightstand, shaped like a woman’s hand that was reaching up for something she could never quite grasp.
    â€œOlivia, look at me. What is it?”
    She released a breath. “I think you might need to consider the possibility . . . that maybe . . . he feels the same way.”
    My mouth dropped open.
    Of course. Of course he felt the same way. All the trips without telling me. The weeks he’d go without seeing me, days without calling. There was a time when we told each other everything, and now, I felt as though I barely knew him. I hadn’t even told him that I was working at the center, or about Maggie, the teen girl there. He knew little to nothing about my life here. When had that happened?
    I slumped back onto my bed. “Olivia, can I . . .” I swallowed hard, my voice becoming thick with emotion.
    â€œDefinitely,” she said, standing and starting for the door without my having to finish my thought. That was the thing about Olivia. She knew sadness. She’d lived and breathed it after losing all her friends to the fire. She didn’t have to be asked to leave. She knew.
    I waited until the door clicked closed and then let all my emotions bubble to the surface. Anger. Resentment. Sadness. Guilt. All of it. I took my time working through each, ignoring the voice in my head telling me to stop crying, to stop being a child. I realized that voice wasn’t mine. It was my mother’s, and I was nineteen years old. I didn’t need to listen to my mother any longer.
    When I felt I’d cried my last tear, I picked up my phone and dialed Ethan’s number, unsure of what I’d say once I heard his voice, but knowing I couldn’t wait another second. The knowing without doing anything about it had been killing me.
    â€œKar, hey, babe, what’s up?” he asked.
    I drew a long breath. “Are you still considering that summer study abroad?”
    I heard the sound of him adjusting on the other end. “Yeah, why?”
    â€œI think you should take it.”
    â€œBut you said—”
    â€œI know, but I was wrong. I was trying to . . . I don’t know, hold on to