Read Online Mr. Jack Is a Maniac! by Dan Gutman - Free Book Online Page B

just looking at Mr. Jack.
    At that moment, the back door of the school opened, and a bunch of male teachers came out—Mr. Macky, Mr. Granite, Mr. Loring, Mr. Docker. Even Mr. Louie, our school crossing guard, and Mr. Tony, the after-school program director, came out. They all ran over and made a circle around Mr. Jack.
    â€œ Zees army!” said Dr. Brad.
    â€œOooooooooh!”

3
Weapons of Mass Destruction
    â€œWho is this guy?” asked Mr. Macky, our reading specialist.
    â€œHis name is Mr. Jack,” I said. “But you can call him Mr. Jack.”
    â€œOkay, Mr. Jack,” said our science teacher, Mr. Docker. “This is school property. You can’t stay here. We have you outnumbered. If you won’t leave on your own, we’re going to have to make you leave.”
    â€œOh, let him stay,” said Miss Holly. “He’s cute .”
    â€œYeah,” said all the lady teachers. “He’s cute!” Then they all started giggling.
    â€œThis is going to be cool ,” Ryan whispered to me.
    â€œNow zees is exactly zuh kind of situation I vus telling you children about,” said Dr. Brad. “Vee are having a little disagreement here. Ven mature adults have disagreements, zuh best vay to settle zem is to have an open and honest discussion instead of fight—”
    But Dr. Brad didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence. At that moment, Mr. Jack picked him up and held him in the air.

    â€œ Eeee-yah! ” screamed Mr. Jack. Then he threw Dr. Brad across the playground!
    â€œWOW!” we all said, which is MOM upside down.
    Dr. Brad landed in the bushes. It was cool! I had no idea you could throw another person so far.
    Mr. Jack jumped into a karate pose.
    â€œI must warn the rest of you fellows,” he said, “these hands are dangerous tools. In fact, I had to have them registered with the government as weapons of mass destruction.”
    Mr. Jack’s hands looked just like regular hands to me. But what do I know about karate?
    â€œWe’re not afraid,” said Mr. Tony. “Come on, boys. Let’s take him!”
    With that, Mr. Tony charged at Mr. Jack.
    â€œEeee-yah!” screamed Mr. Jack.
    He spun around fast, grabbed Mr. Tony’s arms, gave him a kick in the butt, and sent him tumbling to the ground.
    â€œI don’t approve of violence on school property,” said Andrea.
    â€œWhat do you have against violins?” I asked her.
    â€œNot violins, Arlo!” Andrea shouted at me. “Violence!”
    â€œOh, that’s different,” I said.
    Mr. Tony got up, and the other male teachers came after Mr. Jack, one at a time.
    Mr. Granite jumped on Mr. Jack. Mr. Jack flipped him sideways. Mr. Granite was flat on his back.
    Mr. Louie tried to grab Mr. Jack’s legs. Mr. Jack jumped up and landed on Mr. Louie.
    â€œEeee-yah!” screamed Mr. Jack.
    â€œHide your eyes, Emily!” Andrea said. “This kind of behavior is definitely not appropriate for children.”
    Mr. Macky and Mr. Loring charged at Mr. Jack, but Mr. Jack grabbed both of them at the same time and bonked their heads together.
    â€œEeee-yah!” screamed Mr. Jack.
    â€œOooof!” grunted Mr. Loring as he hit the ground with a thud.
    One by one, Mr. Jack kicked all their butts. It was like watching professional wrestling on TV, but without the TV.

    All the lady teachers were giggling and blushing and fussing with their hair and fanning themselves and looking at their faces in little mirrors. All the male teachers were sprawled on the ground, moaning and groaning. It was hilarious.
    â€œI guess you fellows will think twice before messing with Mr. Jack again,” said Mr. Jack. Then he started combing his hair.
    â€œHow do I look?” he asked. “Does anybody want my autograph?”

4
Step Outside
    You’ll never believe in a million hundred years who came running out of the school at that moment. It was