Read Online Mr. Jack Is a Maniac! by Dan Gutman - Free Book Online Page A

did yo-yo tricks. He could fling the thing above his head, between his legs, and all over the place. Yo-yos are cool.
    Where was I? Oh, yeah, it doesn’t matter if “yo” is a word or not, because the motorcycle guy said it. And if you say it, I guess, it must be a word.
    â€œWho’s he ?” everybody was asking.
    â€œHe’s cool ,” said Neil the nude kid.
    â€œHe looks like a movie star!” said Alexia.
    â€œHe’s handsome!” said Andrea.
    â€œHe’s dreamy !” said Emily.
    The motorcycle guy turned off his motorcycle. He was wearing leather pants, leather shoes, a leather belt, and a leather jacket. That guy must really like leather! I wondered how many cows had to die to make his clothes.
    He reached into his pocket and pulled out a comb. Then he started combing his hair in slow motion. Doing anything in slow motion is cool. I saw this TV show once where they dropped watermelons out of a ten-story building and you could see them hit the ground and explode in slow motion. That was cool.
    â€œExcuse me, sir,” said Dr. Brad. “May I ask who you are and vut you are doing on school property?”

    The motorcycle guy didn’t say anything for a long time. He just stared at Dr. Brad with his deep-blue eyes.
    â€œMy name is Mr. Jack,” he finally said. “You can call me . . . Mr. Jack.”
    â€œBut your name is Mr. Jack,” said Ryan.
    â€œI know,” said Mr. Jack. “That’s why you should call me Mr. Jack.”
    â€œDon’t you want us to call you something instead of Mr. Jack?” asked Michael.
    â€œNo. Why?” asked Mr. Jack.
    â€œWhen people say ‘You can call me,’ that usually means we should call them something different from their regular name,” I told him.
    â€œNot this time,” said Mr. Jack.
    That guy is weird.
    The recess bell rang, and kids came pouring out of the school. * They must have seen the motorcycle, because a whole bunch of them came running over and gathered around Mr. Jack. So did some of the teachers.
    â€œWell, hello ,” said our gym teacher, Miss Small. She was all giggly and she started fussing with her hair.
    â€œHi there, stranger,” said Miss Holly, our Spanish teacher. She was blushing and started fanning herself with her hand.
    â€œNew in town?” asked Ms. Hannah, our art teacher. She pulled a little mirror out of her pocket and started putting makeup on her face.

    All the lady teachers were giggling and blushing and fussing with their hair and fanning themselves and looking in little mirrors. Ladies always do that stuff when they’re in love. Nobody knows why. Miss Small looked like she was going to faint.
    â€œWhat’s your name, sugar?” asked Miss Laney, our speech teacher.
    â€œHello, ladies. My name is Mr. Jack. You can call me . . . Mr. Jack.”
    â€œWell,” giggled Miss Holly, “you can call me . . . available.”
    Dr. Brad pushed his way to the front so he could talk to Mr. Jack.
    â€œI’m sorry, sir, but vut you are doing is called trespassing,” said Dr. Brad. “Zis is school property. You need to leave.”
    â€œOh, yeah?” said Mr. Jack. “Who’s gonna make me?”
    â€œOooooooooh!” we all said.
    Anytime somebody says “Who’s gonna make me?” you have to say “Oooooooooh!” That’s the first rule of being a kid.
    â€œI suppose I’m going to make you,” said Dr. Brad.
    â€œOh, yeah?” said Mr. Jack. “You and what army?”
    â€œOooooooooh!”
    Anytime somebody says “You and what army?” you have to say “Oooooooooh!” That’s the second rule of being a kid.
    â€œI’m scared,” said Emily, who’s scared of everything.
    Dr. Brad was looking at Mr. Jack. Mr. Jack was looking at Dr. Brad. We were all looking at Dr. Brad and Mr. Jack. Well, the girls were pretty much