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Book: Minimalism: Live a Meaningful Life by Joshua Fields Millburn, Ryan Nicodemus
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Authors: Joshua Fields Millburn, Ryan Nicodemus
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what are you willing to do for them? Anything! You should be willing to bend over backwards, to go to great lengths for the people you love. That’s how you strengthen your relationships.
Furthermore, being loved is different than being needed. You should, however, work hard to understand what your loved ones need. And the primary relationships in your life should feel the same way towards you. If they don’t, you must ask yourself if that person is worthy of being one of your primary relationships and the time you must dedicate to said relationships.
Understanding
When you understand someone, you are able to feel what they are feeling. What drives the other person? What do they want? What do they need? What excites them? What are their desires? What are their pains? What do they enjoy? What makes them happy?
If you can’t answer these questions, then how are you going to meet their needs? Sometimes the things that people ask for are not what they need, but if you are meeting someone’s needs, then you’re guaranteed to have a vibrant, passionate, growing relationship.
Trust
When you absolutely trust someone, you are open, you are the real you, which fosters the closest possible relationship. Trust breeds more trust, which encourages habitual honesty from both parties.
Honesty
To lie is to intentionally mislead someone when they expect honest communication. Sometimes it feels like it’s easier to lie, but no matter the circumstance—no matter how small or big the lie is—lying is wrong and harmful to your relationships.
“Honesty is a gift we can give others. It is also a source of power and an engine of simplicity,” Dr. Sam Harris wrote in his book, LYING . He continued by stating, “Knowing that we will attempt to tell the truth, whatever the circumstances, leaves us with little to prepare for. We can simply be ourselves.”
Thus, not only is being honest the right thing to do in your relationships, it is also much simpler in the long run. And if a relationship can’t be honestly maintained, then it isn’t a relationship worth having.
Caring & Respect
This is the other side of trust. Respecting someone is the ultimate way to contribute to your relationship in a meaningful way. Respect means that you care enough about someone to express it through your consistent actions of admiration and appreciation. Respect is how you show someone you care.
Call it compassion, call it sympathy, call it empathy—but whatever you call it, we all value someone who genuinely cares about us, about our feelings, about our lives.
Support
The strongest relationships are mutually supportive relationships. Meaning, not only do you care about the other person, but you are genuinely excited when they’re excited, you’re genuinely happy that they’re happy, and you encourage them to grow as an individual as you grow, allowing you to grow together.
Time, Presence, & Attentiveness
Much of the time, especially on our website, we talk about the importance of being present, of living in the moment. This is especially true with your relationships. If these people are important enough to be in your top tier of relationships, then they are important enough to merit your undivided attention.
These people require your full attention when you are engaged with them. No cellphone. No instant messaging. No texting. No watching the TV in your peripheral vision. Your relationships are important and they need to be treated accordingly. Hang on to their every word. You’ll be surprised with the reaction you get from people when you give them your full attention.
Authenticity
Be an example through your actions. The strongest example for a great relationship is displayed by people who are utterly genuine—people who are authentic.
Authentic people are refreshing. We want to get to know these people, because we feel safe around authentic people, as if we could reveal to them our deepest, darkest
Furthermore, being loved is different than being needed. You should, however, work hard to understand what your loved ones need. And the primary relationships in your life should feel the same way towards you. If they don’t, you must ask yourself if that person is worthy of being one of your primary relationships and the time you must dedicate to said relationships.
Understanding
When you understand someone, you are able to feel what they are feeling. What drives the other person? What do they want? What do they need? What excites them? What are their desires? What are their pains? What do they enjoy? What makes them happy?
If you can’t answer these questions, then how are you going to meet their needs? Sometimes the things that people ask for are not what they need, but if you are meeting someone’s needs, then you’re guaranteed to have a vibrant, passionate, growing relationship.
Trust
When you absolutely trust someone, you are open, you are the real you, which fosters the closest possible relationship. Trust breeds more trust, which encourages habitual honesty from both parties.
Honesty
To lie is to intentionally mislead someone when they expect honest communication. Sometimes it feels like it’s easier to lie, but no matter the circumstance—no matter how small or big the lie is—lying is wrong and harmful to your relationships.
“Honesty is a gift we can give others. It is also a source of power and an engine of simplicity,” Dr. Sam Harris wrote in his book, LYING . He continued by stating, “Knowing that we will attempt to tell the truth, whatever the circumstances, leaves us with little to prepare for. We can simply be ourselves.”
Thus, not only is being honest the right thing to do in your relationships, it is also much simpler in the long run. And if a relationship can’t be honestly maintained, then it isn’t a relationship worth having.
Caring & Respect
This is the other side of trust. Respecting someone is the ultimate way to contribute to your relationship in a meaningful way. Respect means that you care enough about someone to express it through your consistent actions of admiration and appreciation. Respect is how you show someone you care.
Call it compassion, call it sympathy, call it empathy—but whatever you call it, we all value someone who genuinely cares about us, about our feelings, about our lives.
Support
The strongest relationships are mutually supportive relationships. Meaning, not only do you care about the other person, but you are genuinely excited when they’re excited, you’re genuinely happy that they’re happy, and you encourage them to grow as an individual as you grow, allowing you to grow together.
Time, Presence, & Attentiveness
Much of the time, especially on our website, we talk about the importance of being present, of living in the moment. This is especially true with your relationships. If these people are important enough to be in your top tier of relationships, then they are important enough to merit your undivided attention.
These people require your full attention when you are engaged with them. No cellphone. No instant messaging. No texting. No watching the TV in your peripheral vision. Your relationships are important and they need to be treated accordingly. Hang on to their every word. You’ll be surprised with the reaction you get from people when you give them your full attention.
Authenticity
Be an example through your actions. The strongest example for a great relationship is displayed by people who are utterly genuine—people who are authentic.
Authentic people are refreshing. We want to get to know these people, because we feel safe around authentic people, as if we could reveal to them our deepest, darkest
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