Read Online Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel - Free Book Online

other when you've hurt one another? Effectively handling
pain you cause another is an important aspect of maturity
and vital in a stable relationship.

    • Do you clam up - indicating that you don't know how
to process the pain you have given your partner?
    • Do you go into some form of stylized speech pattern,
indicating immaturity?
    Our Family uses the Native American process of "talking
sticks" to work through upsets. Either the Master or slave
may request a session. The hurt party picks up the stick
and talks until he/she is done. The stick then passes
to the other party, who speaks until done. The person
holding the stick may not be interrupted. This goes on
until the issue is resolved. Another Master who uses this
system explained that over the years, in his Family, it got
so that the talking sticks only had to be used when both
Master and slave were emotionally involved with an issue.
Otherwise, the person who was not the aggrieved party
could easily sit quietly while the upset partner expressed
his/her hurt.
    5. Independence: Choose someone who has an inner life,
someone on their own journey, someone independent of
you. This person should see you as a partner on his or her
journey.
    Personally, I distinguish between wanting and needing
someone. If you need them, you are at the effect of the
relationship - that is, you don't come from choice and you
are unusually vulnerable. If you feel you need your mate,
chances are you're going to run into some problems within
an M/s structure.
    6. Passion: Be passionate about something. And choose
someone who has similar passions - similar interests in making memories. You may need to draw on the good
memories during hard times. Choose someone who
makes your life bigger, not smaller. Select a person who
is curious about the world around them.

    7. Values: Choose someone with similar values. There
are many "relationship models," some of which are quite
unusual. You should understand something about these
different models as early in the relationship as possible,
and make sure your intended slave has both a similar
understanding and a similar model in mind. At an extremely
broad cut, some relationship models are:
    • Open vs. closed sexual relationship (one or both partners can have other casual sexual partners)
    • Mongamy vs. polyamory (multible long term partners)
    0 Power exchange vs. equal partners
    8. Compassion: When you pass a poor person on the street
(perhaps a "street person"), what is your reaction? What
is your potential slave's reaction? Are you repulsed or do
you feel empathy? In an important way, this reaction can
be a proxy measure for a person's openness. (A proxy
measure is an unrelated - but acceptable - question you
can ask that actually answers another question.) You may
find that a person who has trouble expressing compassion
for others less fortunate may have trouble "plugging in"
to YOU. Or, this may be an indicator that you may have
trouble plugging in to your slave. Is your potential mate
willing to listen to you? Truly listen? Do YOU listen? How
do you know you're really listening?
    9. Processing/sorting modalities: The best place to find
out more information about this topic is to do an Internet
search on NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). This
is a field unto itself and a course of study that I highly
recommend for a Master. This will bring you very rewarding
personal skills for working with people, whether or not this
includes your slave. Basically, a person tends to process information cognitively, visually, auditorily, tactilely, or
in some combination. For best effect, you will want to
present information to people according to their preferred
processing style. You can get an idea of their style by
listening to their language (I hearwhat you say; I see what
you mean; I know what you mean; I feel your pain; I sense
that...)

    As it applies in this book - and this list - you need to be