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Grunt’s boasting a moment longer. ‘It’s Mr Brainfright.’
    â€˜You think having a banana mascot has made you better at sports?’ snorted Mr Grunt.
    â€˜Not just the mascotting,’ said Gretel. ‘It’s the visualisations.’
    â€˜What?!’ spat Mr Grunt.
    â€˜We’ve been training in our minds,’ said Fiona.
    â€˜That’s preposterous,’ said Mr Grunt. ‘The mind has nothing to do with sport. And I should know.’ He leaned down and yelled into Fiona’s face: ‘NO PAIN, NO GAIN!’
    â€˜Not necessarily,’ said Fiona, stepping back. ‘You should never underestimate the power of the mind.’
    â€˜So it’s Brainfright who’s been filling your heads with this nonsense, is it?’ snarled Mr Grunt. ‘I should have known.’
    â€˜Yes,’ said Jenny enthusiastically. ‘He’s put us on the Brainfright Program for Sporting Excellence.’
    â€˜Well I’ll teach him to interfere,’ said Mr Grunt. ‘I’m going to introduce him to a little program of my own. It’s called the Grunt Program for Minding Your Own Business.’
    â€˜Is that a threat?’ said David.
    â€˜No!’ said Mr Grunt. ‘It’s a promise!’

31
A visit from Mr Grunt

    When we arrived at our classroom, Mr Brainfright was still in his banana suit, but he appeared to be a little less crazy than he had been for the last few days.
    â€˜I owe you all an apology,’ he said. ‘I think I may have got a bit carried away and crossed the line from banana mascot to banana bore.’
    Jenny and I looked at each other. This was definitely a positive sign. Perhaps Mr Brainfright wasn’t suffering from mascot madness after all. Maybe there was nothing to worry about.
    â€˜I guess I’m just so excited about the competition,’ he said. ‘I really want to do a good job and be the best mascot I can be. I don’t want to let you down.’
    â€˜Just relax,’ I said. ‘You’re going to be great. We all are!’
    The class murmured its assent.
    â€˜Give me a B!’ yelled Mr Brainfright.
    We were about to give Mr Brainfright a B when the door flew open and Mr Grunt burst in. He always looked ugly, but now he was looking even uglier than usual.
    â€˜I’ll give you a B all right!’ he barked at Mr Brainfright. ‘And I’ll give you a good kick up the B-hind as well!’
    â€˜Mr Grunt!’ said Mr Brainfright. ‘What a lovely surprise!’
    â€˜Don’t you “Mr Grunt what a lovely surprise” me!’ said Mr Grunt. ‘I’ve got a bone to pick with you, Brainfright!’
    â€˜That’s going to be a little difficult, I’m afraid!’ said Mr Brainfright. ‘You see, bananas don’t have any bones.’
    Mr Grunt stared blankly at Mr Brainfright for a moment. Then he shook his head and continued. ‘Listen to me, Brainfright,’ he said. ‘It might not mean much to you, since you haven’t been at this school for long, but every year we have a very important sporting competition. As sports teacher I spend all year preparing my students for this event with a specially tailored combination of hard training and cutting-edge coaching techniques, and I do not appreciate someone like you coming in and messing everything up at the last minute.’
    â€˜But I haven’t been messing everything up,’said Mr Brainfright. ‘I’ve been helping.’
    â€˜Is that what you call it?’ said Mr Grunt. ‘Dressing up in a ridiculous banana suit and messing with the heads of our students? Well I don’t call that help—I call that interference!’
    Mr Brainfright smiled and shook his head. ‘My methods are a little . . . ah . . . unconventional, it’s true, but they are based on sound scientific principles. Mascots have been used throughout history to bring