Read Online MA10 Sweet Myth-tery of Life by Robert Asprin - Free Book Online
Authors: Robert Asprin
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thoughts about me ... as a husband, I mean, not a wife.
“A proposal?” I said, deliberately stalling to organize my thoughts.
“That’s right. I figure that you’ve probably got a bit of discretionary funds available now that you’re on the kingdom payroll, and the kind of scams I run have a good return on investment, so I was hoping that I could get a little start-up money from you and ...”
“Whoa! Stop the music!”
It had taken a few beats for what she was saying to sink in, obsessed as I was with my own expectations of the conversation. Even now, with my pretty dream-bubble exploding around me, I was having trouble changing gears mentally to focus on what she was actually getting at.
“Could you back up and take it from the top? You’re here to ask for money?”
“Well ... Yes. Not much really ... maybe fifty or seventy-five in gold should do.” she clarified hastily. “The nice thing with scams is they don’t really need much upfront capital.”
“You mean you want to borrow money from me so you can run a swindle? Here, in Possiltum?”
The look she leveled on me was, to say the least, cold and appraising. Not at all the coy, shy, averted gaze I was used to from her.
“Of course. That’s what I do,” she said levelly. “I thought you knew that when you offered me a job. Or are you just miffed because I prefer to operate independently? I suppose this is pretty small potatoes to you, but it’s the best I can do.”
As she spoke, my mind was racing back over the previous times I had seen or spoken with her. While I was aware then that she was always involved in or running from the results of some swindle or other, I had always assumed that she was a sweet kid who was going along with her partner, Matt. I realized now that I had no basis on which to make that assumption, other than her innocent looks. If fact, beyond her looks, I really didn’t know her at all.
“Is it?” I said. “Is it really the best you can do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, couldn’t you do as well or better trying your hand at something legitimate? What if I passed you enough money to start and run a normal business?”
The last vestige of my idealized fantasies regarding Luanna died as her lip curled in a sneer.
“You mean run a little shop or grocery store? Me? No thanks. That’s way too much like work. Funny, I always thought that if anyone would understand that, you would. You didn’t get where you are today by hard work and sweat, you did it by fleecing the gullible and flimflamming the ignorant, just like Matt and I did ... just on a larger scale. Of course, we didn’t have a demon helping us along, like you did. Even now, as rich and respectable as you’re supposed to be, I’ll bet you’re pulling down a healthy skim from this kingdom. It’s got to be real easy, what with having the Queen in your pocket and everybody doing whatever you say. All I’m trying to do is to cut myself in for a piece of the action ... and a little piece, at that.”
I was silent for a few moments. I thought of trying to tell her about the long hours and work me and my team was putting in trying to straighten out the kingdom’s finances. I even considered showing her some of the cryptic spread sheets on my desk ... but decided against it. She might be able to decipher them, and if she could, would doubtless ask some embarrassing questions about the hefty fee I was taking for my services. I was having trouble justifying that to myself, much less to her.
The inescapable conclusion, however, was that no matter what I had thought lovely Luanna was like, we were worlds apart in our views of people and how they should be treated.
Reaching into our petty cash drawer, I started counting out some coins.
“Tell you what, Luanna,” I said, not looking up. “You said you needed fifty to seventy-five in gold? Well I’m going to give you a hundred and fifty ... double to triple what you asked for ... not as a loan or on
“A proposal?” I said, deliberately stalling to organize my thoughts.
“That’s right. I figure that you’ve probably got a bit of discretionary funds available now that you’re on the kingdom payroll, and the kind of scams I run have a good return on investment, so I was hoping that I could get a little start-up money from you and ...”
“Whoa! Stop the music!”
It had taken a few beats for what she was saying to sink in, obsessed as I was with my own expectations of the conversation. Even now, with my pretty dream-bubble exploding around me, I was having trouble changing gears mentally to focus on what she was actually getting at.
“Could you back up and take it from the top? You’re here to ask for money?”
“Well ... Yes. Not much really ... maybe fifty or seventy-five in gold should do.” she clarified hastily. “The nice thing with scams is they don’t really need much upfront capital.”
“You mean you want to borrow money from me so you can run a swindle? Here, in Possiltum?”
The look she leveled on me was, to say the least, cold and appraising. Not at all the coy, shy, averted gaze I was used to from her.
“Of course. That’s what I do,” she said levelly. “I thought you knew that when you offered me a job. Or are you just miffed because I prefer to operate independently? I suppose this is pretty small potatoes to you, but it’s the best I can do.”
As she spoke, my mind was racing back over the previous times I had seen or spoken with her. While I was aware then that she was always involved in or running from the results of some swindle or other, I had always assumed that she was a sweet kid who was going along with her partner, Matt. I realized now that I had no basis on which to make that assumption, other than her innocent looks. If fact, beyond her looks, I really didn’t know her at all.
“Is it?” I said. “Is it really the best you can do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, couldn’t you do as well or better trying your hand at something legitimate? What if I passed you enough money to start and run a normal business?”
The last vestige of my idealized fantasies regarding Luanna died as her lip curled in a sneer.
“You mean run a little shop or grocery store? Me? No thanks. That’s way too much like work. Funny, I always thought that if anyone would understand that, you would. You didn’t get where you are today by hard work and sweat, you did it by fleecing the gullible and flimflamming the ignorant, just like Matt and I did ... just on a larger scale. Of course, we didn’t have a demon helping us along, like you did. Even now, as rich and respectable as you’re supposed to be, I’ll bet you’re pulling down a healthy skim from this kingdom. It’s got to be real easy, what with having the Queen in your pocket and everybody doing whatever you say. All I’m trying to do is to cut myself in for a piece of the action ... and a little piece, at that.”
I was silent for a few moments. I thought of trying to tell her about the long hours and work me and my team was putting in trying to straighten out the kingdom’s finances. I even considered showing her some of the cryptic spread sheets on my desk ... but decided against it. She might be able to decipher them, and if she could, would doubtless ask some embarrassing questions about the hefty fee I was taking for my services. I was having trouble justifying that to myself, much less to her.
The inescapable conclusion, however, was that no matter what I had thought lovely Luanna was like, we were worlds apart in our views of people and how they should be treated.
Reaching into our petty cash drawer, I started counting out some coins.
“Tell you what, Luanna,” I said, not looking up. “You said you needed fifty to seventy-five in gold? Well I’m going to give you a hundred and fifty ... double to triple what you asked for ... not as a loan or on
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