Read Online Love Always, Damian by D. Nichole King - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: D. Nichole King
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gym. Here, the bark rips into my knuckles with each hit. It hurts like fucking hell, and I beat into the trunk harder and harder until blood I can’t see slides into my palms and mixes with the sweat pooling inside my fists. Still, I don’t stop.
I can’t.
I have to fucking undo this mess I’ve created.
Voices and images filter into my mind. The pain and regret in Ellie’s eyes. The sweetness in Lia’s smile.
And Kate. There’s always Kate.
“It’ll be okay. I promise,” she’d told me.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” my own shaky voice echoes back at me.
“I won’t.”
It’s only when I no longer feel the pain that I drop to my knees and cover my face with my bloody palms. I never should have asked to see her. What the fuck was I thinking?
I stare at the three tombstones peering back me. Nora Lowell. Liam Lowell. Kate Browdy. The three people I’ve loved more than anything in this world. I came here for this reminder tonight.
Because of me, they’re dead. I never want to forget that.
And I won’t— I won’t add Lia to this list.
Ellie is gone, and she took Lia with her. That’s what was supposed to happen. They’re safer far away from me. I won’t go after them, won’t call them. Ever.
My gaze lands on the red roses on Kate’s grave. Then, slowly, it rises to her name. Kathryn “Katie” Browdy. I slide my focus over to the marble stone beside Kate’s—to Liam’s.
“Lia Kathryn,” I whisper into the chilled air. I barely get the words out. Lia-Kat is such a stupid name to call her. She’s not fucking named after a pet. No, she was named for two of the most amazing people to ever set foot on this godforsaken earth. Two people who deserve to still be here.
“You should see her,” I say. “Mom, she’s the spitting image of you when you were young. Big blue eyes, long blonde hair, and a smile that will make you melt. Liam, your girlfriend is a natural as a mother, but I’ll bet you already knew she would be. You probably figured she’d have your kid instead of mine.” I snicker. “Hell, I did too.”
I pause when I come to Kate. What do I say to her? The question I always ask myself rears again: how do I tell her how bad I fucked up after she died?
I spent so much time apologizing to her when she was alive, though. I guess that hasn’t changed. “I’m sorry, Katie. I have no excuse other than I’m an asshole. But Ellie named her after you if that’s any consolation.” I pause and run a hand through my hair. “God, Kate, I wish you were here. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t fuck things up even more.”
I wait in silence for an answer that won’t come. Even so, I brush a bloodstained finger over her name again, begging for a reply. “Please, Katie. Tell me how to fix this.”
~*~
It’s sometime after midnight when I get back home. Dylan is lounging out on the sofa, nursing a beer and watching some crappy sci-fi movie.
“Hey dude,” he says. When I don’t answer right away, he glances up at me. “Damn, man. You look like shit.”
I don’t have to examine myself to know what he sees. Dried blood coats my hands and clothes. I probably have it smeared on my face too.
“Please don’t tell me you got into another bar fight,” he says.
“I wish.” I nod at his drink. “Any more of that?”
“In the fridge. Help yourself.”
Unlike me, Dylan usually sticks to the lighter stuff. Tonight, I’ll drink his cheap beer, though. I want to stay sober to remind myself that I’m making the right choice in letting Lia go. I can’t run off and do something I’ll regret because I’m drunk.
I don’t wash the blood off me before I yank two bottles from the refrigerator, pop the top on one, and sink down in the armchair. This whole scene is unusual for me, which is why Dylan eyes me instead of going back to his movie. I down half the beer in one swig, and Dylan’s eyebrows quirk upward.
“What happened tonight?” he asks.
Dylan
I can’t.
I have to fucking undo this mess I’ve created.
Voices and images filter into my mind. The pain and regret in Ellie’s eyes. The sweetness in Lia’s smile.
And Kate. There’s always Kate.
“It’ll be okay. I promise,” she’d told me.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” my own shaky voice echoes back at me.
“I won’t.”
It’s only when I no longer feel the pain that I drop to my knees and cover my face with my bloody palms. I never should have asked to see her. What the fuck was I thinking?
I stare at the three tombstones peering back me. Nora Lowell. Liam Lowell. Kate Browdy. The three people I’ve loved more than anything in this world. I came here for this reminder tonight.
Because of me, they’re dead. I never want to forget that.
And I won’t— I won’t add Lia to this list.
Ellie is gone, and she took Lia with her. That’s what was supposed to happen. They’re safer far away from me. I won’t go after them, won’t call them. Ever.
My gaze lands on the red roses on Kate’s grave. Then, slowly, it rises to her name. Kathryn “Katie” Browdy. I slide my focus over to the marble stone beside Kate’s—to Liam’s.
“Lia Kathryn,” I whisper into the chilled air. I barely get the words out. Lia-Kat is such a stupid name to call her. She’s not fucking named after a pet. No, she was named for two of the most amazing people to ever set foot on this godforsaken earth. Two people who deserve to still be here.
“You should see her,” I say. “Mom, she’s the spitting image of you when you were young. Big blue eyes, long blonde hair, and a smile that will make you melt. Liam, your girlfriend is a natural as a mother, but I’ll bet you already knew she would be. You probably figured she’d have your kid instead of mine.” I snicker. “Hell, I did too.”
I pause when I come to Kate. What do I say to her? The question I always ask myself rears again: how do I tell her how bad I fucked up after she died?
I spent so much time apologizing to her when she was alive, though. I guess that hasn’t changed. “I’m sorry, Katie. I have no excuse other than I’m an asshole. But Ellie named her after you if that’s any consolation.” I pause and run a hand through my hair. “God, Kate, I wish you were here. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t fuck things up even more.”
I wait in silence for an answer that won’t come. Even so, I brush a bloodstained finger over her name again, begging for a reply. “Please, Katie. Tell me how to fix this.”
~*~
It’s sometime after midnight when I get back home. Dylan is lounging out on the sofa, nursing a beer and watching some crappy sci-fi movie.
“Hey dude,” he says. When I don’t answer right away, he glances up at me. “Damn, man. You look like shit.”
I don’t have to examine myself to know what he sees. Dried blood coats my hands and clothes. I probably have it smeared on my face too.
“Please don’t tell me you got into another bar fight,” he says.
“I wish.” I nod at his drink. “Any more of that?”
“In the fridge. Help yourself.”
Unlike me, Dylan usually sticks to the lighter stuff. Tonight, I’ll drink his cheap beer, though. I want to stay sober to remind myself that I’m making the right choice in letting Lia go. I can’t run off and do something I’ll regret because I’m drunk.
I don’t wash the blood off me before I yank two bottles from the refrigerator, pop the top on one, and sink down in the armchair. This whole scene is unusual for me, which is why Dylan eyes me instead of going back to his movie. I down half the beer in one swig, and Dylan’s eyebrows quirk upward.
“What happened tonight?” he asks.
Dylan
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