Read Online Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 05 by Away Laughing on a Fast Camel - Free Book Online

is here, ladies,the Sex Bomb is officially in his car.”
    Oh God it was soo humiliating.
    I said to Mum, “I don’t think Dad’s medication is working, Mum.”
    2:00 p.m.
    Eventually we arrived in “nature,” which to some might look like a boring old field in the middle of nowhere. I’d only come to get away from the tension of not answering the telephone. If I had stayed at home and the phone rang, I wouldn’t be able to answer it in case it was Dave the Laugh apologizing. But then if it didn’t ring, I would be indoors waiting all day knowing that he hadn’t rung and I hadn’t been able to ignore him.
    2:20 p.m.
    The only bright spot of the day was the sight of Vati jogging off into the fields like a fat mountain goat. I was just sitting in the back of the clown car waiting for my life to be over. Mum and Libby were eating a picnic, Libby in her attractive country costume of furry coat and rabbit hat. Unfortunately I am only too well aware that beneath the furry coat lurks her nuddy-pants outfit, pray God there willbe no poo business in the car.
    Dad was cavorting around looking interested in nature, yelling, “Oh my word, there is some cuckoo spit,” or “Voles!!” when suddenly he just disappeared from view. Completely gone. I thought about yelling “Thank you Baby Jesus, it’s a miracle!!” But I am still hoping for a bit of a result from the Lord, so I restrained my delight.
    Mum got out of the car and tore off across the field, shouting “Bob, Bob, where are you, darling?”
    I could hear a muffled yelling. I supposed I had better go and see what had happened to the Portly One. Libbs and I ambled over to where Mum was looking down. And there he was, up to his armpits in a hole.
    Even though I am in the depths of despairiosity and so on, it did make me laugh. A LOT. Dad was all red and shoutey. “It’s a bloody badger hole!!”
    That made me go uncontrollably spazoid.
    As Mutti pulled him out, he was all grumpy, like the very psychotic get.
    â€œThey’re a bloody menace. Badgers. I am going to inform someone of this. I could have injured myself quite badly. It’s not funny.”
    As Mutti helped him back to the clown car, Isaid, “I think you should write to someone, Vati, and have badgers banned. Whilst you are at it get beavers banned because they may have been in cahoots with the badgers; they may have encouraged them to dig that hole for a laugh, and—”
    â€œShut up, Georgia.”
    Oh that’s nice, isn’t it. Mutti was inwardly laughing but restrained herself on the way home. She had to drive the clown car because Vati was incontinent. Or do I mean incompetent? Both I think.
    At home she made him some tea whilst he lay groaning and moaning on the sofa.
    5:00 p.m.
    I was in the kitchen hanging around and Angus was doing his famous staring at the door trick. I’m not falling for it, though. He sits and looks all longingly at the door for ages. Just staring and staring at it. Eventually some poor fool gets up and goes to open it for him. Angus looks out and then he looks at you, then he looks back at the outside. And you can see him thinking, “Nah, I won’t bother now.”
    Â 
    It’s very annoying. Mum was cutting the crusts off toast for Dad. Which she never does for me. I saidto her, “Hey Mutti, if someone discovers that Vati just floods people’s homes as a job, and he gets the sack from the Water Board, he could always get a job as a badger finder. Say you wanted to know where the badgers were in a field; well, you just set Vati off walking and when he disappears from view you know there is a badger there.”
    still only 8:00 p.m.
    It’s so dark and gloomy. Like life. No phone calls.
    I HATE Dave the Laugh.
    Even though it is very nippy noodles, I can’t bear being cooped up in the house. I thought I’d go sit on the garden wall and try to calm