Read Online Losing Faith by Denise Jaden - Free Book Online Page A

whisper.
    Give me a break! I drop my eyes away from every silent stare and angle for my locker. I was positive the hum of Faith’s voice wouldn’t survive the busy hallways at school, but the odd tranquility makes the humming seem even louder. Amy stands only a few doors down from my locker, chatting with another girl, and hasn’t noticed me yet. Which is amazing, since the rest of the school seems to be on Brie Alert.
    Tessa Lockbaum’s locker, right next to mine, is marked with a dull black lock that looks like something out of a junkyard. A sticker covering the number of her locker reads F*** YOU , the asterisks added overtop in her own handwriting in order to not officially break school rules. At least she’s nowhere in sight.
    I call out, “Hey, Amy. How’s it goin’?” a little too loudly, soall the students in the vicinity can take in my even-keeledness.
    She peeks past the open door of her friend’s locker and smiles. “Hey.”
    We walk toward our first classes together, and I know it’s my obligation to break the silence. I mean, what’s she going to ask about?
    “So what’d you do this weekend?” I say, pulling from my repertoire of pre-practiced phrases.
    She nibbles at her lip like this question is just way too difficult.
    Come on, Amy. You can do this. I’m fine, really, I try to say with my eyes.
    “A few people got together at Tabitha’s.”
    “Tabitha’s?” I say quickly. “Cool. Who was there?”
    She glances both directions as we cross another hallway. “Oh, you know. The usual.”
    Silence. She’s certainly not making this easy. I wonder if she feels guilty about that night. About not coming into the hospital with me. But I know Amy well enough not to bring it up. She doesn’t deal with guilt well, and would definitely get defensive.
    “So was Steph there? Or Dustin? I haven’t talked to him since the funeral.” My mind races to keep my part of this discussion going as long as possible. “I probably should’vecalled him this weekend, but then I thought … I mean, I could’ve …”
    Crap. Somehow I meandered back to home life.
    “I haven’t seen either of them,” she says, looking straight ahead. “But I’m sure Dustin will understand that you didn’t call.”
    I study her profile to make myself believe what she’s just said. During my last three months with Dustin, all she’s ever told me was that I wasn’t doing or being enough and I better pick it up. The thought of her suddenly being so supportive and caring right now makes tears well up behind my eyes. I blink a couple times to diffuse them.
    “They had an assembly last week. About Faith,” she adds.
    I cringe. I don’t want to picture the whole school sitting in the auditorium trying to process what I can’t even seem to process. I scratch at my jeans, unsure of how to change the subject.
    “I’ve got Chem.” Amy stops in front of an open classroom.
    I give her a quick hug, which feels strange. Neither of us are really huggers. But I have to tell her, without actually saying it, how much I appreciate her company. “I’ll see you at lunch?” I ask, another weird question. We always eat lunch together.
    She offers a quick nod before ducking into her class.

    My first class, English, I make it just through the door when my teacher catches sight of me.
    “Oh, Brie. You’re back,” Mrs. Edwards says from her desk. “How are you doing, dear?”
    Just the mention, the out-loud recognition, seems to make the surrounding students uncomfortable and they move away from me like I’m a drop of oil in their otherwise placid water.
    I don’t want this kind of attention. I give Mrs. Edwards a slight nod, but keep my head down all the way to my desk. This seems like enough to give her the hint and she leaves me alone through the rest of the hour.
    At Dustin’s locker between classes, I study myself in the window across the hall while I wait for him. Even in a reflection, the wrinkles in my shirt are obvious. I