Read Online Look After Me by Elena Matthews - Free Book Online

have relapsed for sure. And then I would have been back at the beginning, hooked on the one thing I don’t want to be hooked on.”
    Placing the mug on the counter, Addison turns to face me. “You need to stop focusing on the ‘could haves’ and focus on what did happen. Even if you had relapsed—which you didn’t—it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. It would have just meant having to work a little harder on your recovery.”
    I look down at my tea, not particularly agreeing with her words. “To me, it would have been. I’m used to being strong and dependable. I’m not used to feeling weak. But it seems the moment I left the Army the weakness took over my life, and I’ve reverted back to my seventeen-year-old self. Hating life and everything around it, with my only escape being a bag of white powder.”
    “But that’s the thing—you’re not weak and today you proved that. Yes, you had a momentary struggle after being faced with cocaine for the first time in months but you’re only human. It’s normal to find yourself drawn to your choice of poison after only a short time of being sober. But like I just said, you rose above it. You fought through your cravings and now you’re sitting here drinking tea with me and looking relatively calm for somebody who almost had a relapse not even forty-five minutes ago.”
    I smile while taking another sip of my tea. “That’s because you’ve turned me into a girl by drinking tea—which, by the way, tastes pretty incredible.” I take another sip just to prove my point.
    “After my history with drugs, I found a new addiction in tea, and so I know how to make it just right. And if I’m not mistaken, you’re the one who has the teapot, not me.”
    “You’ve made a valid point, but it’s actually my sister’s. She loves tea and likes things to be kept as traditional as possible. Which means if you ever make her tea from a standard tea bag, she’ll kick your ass to the curb.” Addison gives a hearty laugh, her dimples sinking adorably into her cheeks and surprisingly it gives me a soothing sensation along the edge of my spine. It’s a little unnerving to say the least, but I push it to the back of my mind.
    “A girl after my own heart.” She muses for a moment before her warm hazel eyes turn serious. “How have you felt since you left rehab?”
    I’m quiet for a moment as I gather my thoughts, trying to memorize every single feeling I’ve felt for the past two weeks. I’ve felt angry, depressed, melancholy, hurt, impassive, bitter, and that’s only to name a few. I’ve turned into a man I barely recognize.
    “Angry most of the time. I spent three months isolated from the reality of my life, and the betrayal my life held. The bitter pain was always there, but it was easier to deal with it when I didn’t have to deal with it, you know?”
    Addison smiles with a nod of understanding.
    “But then the first day I was out of rehab, I had to see the love of my life with the person she betrayed me with at my daughter’s birthday party, and it was hard. Only a year ago that was us—happy and in love, and my anger reared its ugly head because the thing that was once mine was now somebody else’s. And it’s hard to feel good about that.”
    I take a few calming sips of my tea before continuing, the words feeling somewhat foreign coming out of my mouth. Two weeks ago I couldn’t even open up to Addison about Ava, and here I am, pouring my guts out to her.
    “And then there’s the cravings I’ve been dealing with all week. They were mostly triggered by memories and would die down eventually, but each one after that would come on even stronger until I nearly let the craving win today. I’m struggling. There, I’ve said it.” Even though I said the words out loud, the last part was mainly for my benefit. I’ve spent the past couple of days pushing the cravings aside, hiding it from my sister, but saying it out loud means I have to deal with it. I