Read Online Locked and Loaded (Bullet, #6) by Jade C. Jamison - Free Book Online
Authors: Jade C. Jamison
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were strangers now or something. But he was going to take what he could get. If all Jen could give him was a little time...he was going to take it. He wasn’t going to be a whiny bitch, wondering when she would feel like she could trust him again.
Because truth was he could understand why she was keeping her distance. Yeah, his dumb ass brain tried to block it all out, wanted to believe he was a loveable, even if shitty, boyfriend, but he knew the facts...and, when he examined them closely, he knew Jen had every right to be cautious.
He would take whatever she was willing to give, even if that meant they were taking it slow...because the more he thought about it, the more he realized that, more than ever, he wanted to become a permanent fixture in her life—and, if he was going to be around for good, an extra week or so to trust Zane would be acceptable in the grand scheme of things.
The nerves, though...he was feeling pretty anxious, more than usual, and he felt the call of the booze and the pills—but no way could he give in. No fucking way. He had a lot of demons he had to fight, and the booze and pills were no longer ways to cope with the demons...they were the demons. He had to move past them...or else he needed to just give in—and give up.
So he took a deep breath and splashed cool water on his face before moving to the closet to figure out what to wear. He thought she might appreciate it some if he wore a button-down shirt with jeans, something a little dressier than his usual fare.
He grabbed a light blue one, something he thought looked almost like something a guy in business would wear (which he knew Jen might be more used to nowadays), but he stood in the walk-in closet trying to decide if he should wear jeans or something else...and then he decided he probably shouldn’t even wear a button-down shirt to his favorite Mexican restaurant. He was having a hell of a time concentrating and making a decision...
Probably because he knew in the back of his mind that he was slipping into his old ways.
He tried to push the thought out again when he felt hands slither around his waist. He was almost startled, especially because he hadn’t heard her walking on the carpet with her tiny little feet.
And he thought he’d already kicked her ass out.
“Zane? Want another hummer?”
He couldn’t remember her name, not that it mattered, and he was tempted to call her whore , but he was already feeling shitty and low again. Calling her names so she felt bad about herself would only reverberate through him and bring him lower too. Better to just stick with the facts. “I gotta go—and you should already be gone.”
“Just a quick one,” she said, kissing his back and raking her nails down his torso until she grazed the top of his underwear.
And his damn cock was considering responding. “No, I have to go. Find your clothes and get the hell out of here.”
She was insistent, moving around to his front and dropping to her knees, tugging on his underwear with her teeth. “I’ll make it fast,” she said, and feeling her breath on the sensitive skin over his waistband gave away that his cock was ready for some action, even if his brain wasn’t.
Fucking A. He had no willpower, especially thanks to the Special K he’d consumed earlier. Guess that counted as a mind-altering substance...
As the blonde’s mouth wrapped around his thickening shaft, he tried to block it all out, how he’d already started sauntering back down that primrose path. He knew—knew from experience—that all it took was one...one pill, one shot, one blowjob for him to fall off the wagon. He’d just told a counselor that at rehab a few weeks ago: “I know that. Don’t you think I fucking know that?”
Knowing and abstaining were two entirely disconnected things. And, even though he knew, he was thinking “Just this once” as he tried to block the date with Jen later out of his mind,
Because truth was he could understand why she was keeping her distance. Yeah, his dumb ass brain tried to block it all out, wanted to believe he was a loveable, even if shitty, boyfriend, but he knew the facts...and, when he examined them closely, he knew Jen had every right to be cautious.
He would take whatever she was willing to give, even if that meant they were taking it slow...because the more he thought about it, the more he realized that, more than ever, he wanted to become a permanent fixture in her life—and, if he was going to be around for good, an extra week or so to trust Zane would be acceptable in the grand scheme of things.
The nerves, though...he was feeling pretty anxious, more than usual, and he felt the call of the booze and the pills—but no way could he give in. No fucking way. He had a lot of demons he had to fight, and the booze and pills were no longer ways to cope with the demons...they were the demons. He had to move past them...or else he needed to just give in—and give up.
So he took a deep breath and splashed cool water on his face before moving to the closet to figure out what to wear. He thought she might appreciate it some if he wore a button-down shirt with jeans, something a little dressier than his usual fare.
He grabbed a light blue one, something he thought looked almost like something a guy in business would wear (which he knew Jen might be more used to nowadays), but he stood in the walk-in closet trying to decide if he should wear jeans or something else...and then he decided he probably shouldn’t even wear a button-down shirt to his favorite Mexican restaurant. He was having a hell of a time concentrating and making a decision...
Probably because he knew in the back of his mind that he was slipping into his old ways.
He tried to push the thought out again when he felt hands slither around his waist. He was almost startled, especially because he hadn’t heard her walking on the carpet with her tiny little feet.
And he thought he’d already kicked her ass out.
“Zane? Want another hummer?”
He couldn’t remember her name, not that it mattered, and he was tempted to call her whore , but he was already feeling shitty and low again. Calling her names so she felt bad about herself would only reverberate through him and bring him lower too. Better to just stick with the facts. “I gotta go—and you should already be gone.”
“Just a quick one,” she said, kissing his back and raking her nails down his torso until she grazed the top of his underwear.
And his damn cock was considering responding. “No, I have to go. Find your clothes and get the hell out of here.”
She was insistent, moving around to his front and dropping to her knees, tugging on his underwear with her teeth. “I’ll make it fast,” she said, and feeling her breath on the sensitive skin over his waistband gave away that his cock was ready for some action, even if his brain wasn’t.
Fucking A. He had no willpower, especially thanks to the Special K he’d consumed earlier. Guess that counted as a mind-altering substance...
As the blonde’s mouth wrapped around his thickening shaft, he tried to block it all out, how he’d already started sauntering back down that primrose path. He knew—knew from experience—that all it took was one...one pill, one shot, one blowjob for him to fall off the wagon. He’d just told a counselor that at rehab a few weeks ago: “I know that. Don’t you think I fucking know that?”
Knowing and abstaining were two entirely disconnected things. And, even though he knew, he was thinking “Just this once” as he tried to block the date with Jen later out of his mind,
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