start talking, but had tried to take the patient approach.
Mason sighed and stared at the wall for a moment before saying anything. “I suppose I should have confided in you nine years ago, but I hope you’ll understand why I didn’t when I tell you what happened.”
Dean nodded. Forgiveness had happened almost without him noticing, but understanding would be nice.
“It was one of the weekends that you didn’t come home from college. I don’t remember the reason, maybe you had a test to study for or something. I was writing you a letter when my mom called me from the kitchen to help her with something. In my absence, my dad saw the letter on my desk and read it. I’m sure you remember the kind of letters we used to write each other.”
“Of all the ways to find out….” Dean shook his head. They’d both been so afraid of their parents finding out.
Mason sighed again. “Yeah. In the middle of his screaming and my mom crying, they threw me out of the house. I barely had time to pack a bag. And you know what the last thing they said to me was? That they never should have adopted me. Hell of a way to find out that little detail.”
“What? Was it true?”
“Yeah. It was true. Before I left town, I went to see Father Preston, and he helped me with a copy of my birth certificate. But first I came here. I figured I’d ask your dad for more hours and a stay at the bunk house.”
Dean felt his insides turn to ice. Surely his own father hadn’t turned Mason away. “He said no?”
“My dad had already called him. He….”
“He what?”
“He threw me out too.” Mason closed his eyes.
“Why’d he throw you out?” It was beginning to make sense, but he needed to hear it.
“Because I was gay, because I was ruining his son with my perverted ways, because I was defective. He had a lot of reasons that day, but the one that mattered is that he somehow knew that we’d been hiding for a while, and he said that it could ruin you if it got out that you’d been with a minor. The threats, the insults, the screaming… and that was the thing that mattered, Dean. I’m sorry. By the time I left, he had me convinced that the only way you’d avoid getting in trouble was if I just disappeared. It wasn’t until later that I realized he’d played me—used my feelings for you against me. Well, against us.”
Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. If he’d known it was something like that, he’d have searched the whole country until he found Mason. And his own father…. Dean shook his head slowly. That one definitely hurt too. “I’m sorry, Mase. I had no idea he was that bad. And to think that I was actually angry at you at one point.” He laughed brokenly. Everything was a mess.
“I knew neither my dad nor yours were going to tell you the truth, so I also knew you’d be mad at me. It’s just… by the time I finally realized that I’d probably hurt you more than I’d protected you, too much time had passed.”
“I don’t blame you for anything you did. I just wish I’d been here that day. And I’m not gonna lie. It’s going to be difficult coming to terms with what my dad did. We weren’t close, even though it was just the two of us. But I guess I always suspected he’d never accept me being gay or me not wanting to work with horses, and that’s why I never told him. Suspecting and knowing are two different things, though.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “What did you do after you left town? Fuck, you were just a kid and all alone.”
Mason smiled and put his hand on Dean’s thigh. It wasn’t sexual, just reassuring. “Would you believe that I actually managed quite well? I moped a lot at first, of course, missing you and worrying that I’d end up in a ditch somewhere. But then I decided to man up and just take it one day at a time.
“I hadn’t graduated high school with all this crap happening like three weeks before graduation, so finding work was difficult, sometimes. I
Mason sighed and stared at the wall for a moment before saying anything. “I suppose I should have confided in you nine years ago, but I hope you’ll understand why I didn’t when I tell you what happened.”
Dean nodded. Forgiveness had happened almost without him noticing, but understanding would be nice.
“It was one of the weekends that you didn’t come home from college. I don’t remember the reason, maybe you had a test to study for or something. I was writing you a letter when my mom called me from the kitchen to help her with something. In my absence, my dad saw the letter on my desk and read it. I’m sure you remember the kind of letters we used to write each other.”
“Of all the ways to find out….” Dean shook his head. They’d both been so afraid of their parents finding out.
Mason sighed again. “Yeah. In the middle of his screaming and my mom crying, they threw me out of the house. I barely had time to pack a bag. And you know what the last thing they said to me was? That they never should have adopted me. Hell of a way to find out that little detail.”
“What? Was it true?”
“Yeah. It was true. Before I left town, I went to see Father Preston, and he helped me with a copy of my birth certificate. But first I came here. I figured I’d ask your dad for more hours and a stay at the bunk house.”
Dean felt his insides turn to ice. Surely his own father hadn’t turned Mason away. “He said no?”
“My dad had already called him. He….”
“He what?”
“He threw me out too.” Mason closed his eyes.
“Why’d he throw you out?” It was beginning to make sense, but he needed to hear it.
“Because I was gay, because I was ruining his son with my perverted ways, because I was defective. He had a lot of reasons that day, but the one that mattered is that he somehow knew that we’d been hiding for a while, and he said that it could ruin you if it got out that you’d been with a minor. The threats, the insults, the screaming… and that was the thing that mattered, Dean. I’m sorry. By the time I left, he had me convinced that the only way you’d avoid getting in trouble was if I just disappeared. It wasn’t until later that I realized he’d played me—used my feelings for you against me. Well, against us.”
Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. If he’d known it was something like that, he’d have searched the whole country until he found Mason. And his own father…. Dean shook his head slowly. That one definitely hurt too. “I’m sorry, Mase. I had no idea he was that bad. And to think that I was actually angry at you at one point.” He laughed brokenly. Everything was a mess.
“I knew neither my dad nor yours were going to tell you the truth, so I also knew you’d be mad at me. It’s just… by the time I finally realized that I’d probably hurt you more than I’d protected you, too much time had passed.”
“I don’t blame you for anything you did. I just wish I’d been here that day. And I’m not gonna lie. It’s going to be difficult coming to terms with what my dad did. We weren’t close, even though it was just the two of us. But I guess I always suspected he’d never accept me being gay or me not wanting to work with horses, and that’s why I never told him. Suspecting and knowing are two different things, though.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “What did you do after you left town? Fuck, you were just a kid and all alone.”
Mason smiled and put his hand on Dean’s thigh. It wasn’t sexual, just reassuring. “Would you believe that I actually managed quite well? I moped a lot at first, of course, missing you and worrying that I’d end up in a ditch somewhere. But then I decided to man up and just take it one day at a time.
“I hadn’t graduated high school with all this crap happening like three weeks before graduation, so finding work was difficult, sometimes. I
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