Read Online Letting Go of Disappointments and Painful Losses by Pam Vredevelt - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Pam Vredevelt
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activity is worthwhile if it pushes the tension out of your body and releases the natural chemicals in the brain that help you cope.
Renewal and restoration are not luxuries. They are essentials. There is absolutely nothing enviable or spiritual about a coronary or a nervous breakdown, nor is an ultra-busy schedule necessarily the mark of a productive life.
C HUCK S WINDOLL
When we are doing the hard work of letting go, we can assist the process by downshifting into survival mode and getting back to the basics. Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish—it’s smart. If we are tending to our own needs, we are more likely to have something worthwhile to offer others. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). Our effectiveness in loving others begins with a choice to love ourselves. When we fill ourselves up first, we’re more likely to have something worthwhile to pass on to another. As every flight attendant reminds us, it’s impossible to offer others oxygen if we’ve ceased breathing ourselves.
Prescription for a happier and healthier life: Resolve to slow your pace; learn to say no gracefully; resist the temptation to chase after more pleasures, hobbies, and more social entanglements; then “hold the line” with the tenacity of a tackle for a professional football team.
D R. J AMES D OBSON
C HAPTER E IGHT
R EVISE
E XPECTATIONS
THEY SAY YOU GET WHAT YOU EXPECT. BUT THEN, WHAT DO “they” know anyway?
Launi expected to be married happily ever after. It didn’t happen.
Tammy, Jackie, Martin, and Len expected their partners to be faithful. They weren’t.
Bob and Dave expected their company revenues to increase 25 percent last year. Instead, they both filed for bankruptcy.
Karen and Phil expected their son to go to college in the fall. He died in a motorcycle accident this spring.
Dace, Mira, Judy, and I expected to give birth to healthy babies. Yet each of us has a child with special needs.
An Old Testament gentleman named Job had some expectations, and he too felt the bone-deep ache of disappointment when they didn’t come about. At one point he admitted, “When I expected good, then evil came; when I waited for light, then darkness came” (Job 30:26, NASB ). 1
This morning I went for a sanity walk with a friend. She is a faithful, devoted mother of four children who has knownthe deep disappointment of unrealized dreams. “From the time my kids were little, I expected them to finish high school, attend college, and start families,” she told me. “I didn’t have any lofty dreams that any of them would be the president of the United States or the first astronaut to set foot on another planet. I just expected the basics.
“My husband and I were devastated when our oldest son started experimenting with drugs and dropped out of high school. Even though we had taught him well about the dangers of substance abuse, he chose to ignore us and go his own way. When our second son fathered a child out of wedlock, our expectations were shattered all over again. We had hoped that grandchildren would come along after the children were married, not before. Things didn’t turn out anything like we had expected, and letting go of the dreams we had for our boys has been one of the most painful experiences we’ve ever endured.”
“So how did you do it?” I asked her. “How did you let go?” It was obvious to me that, for the most part, she was on the other side of the debilitating grief, no longer incapacitated by the pain. I wondered what had helped usher her to that place of peace.
She referred me to a story in the Bible. “Do you remember the story of Abraham and Isaac?”
I nodded, for I knew the story well.
“Do you remember how Abraham placed Isaac on the altar and offered him up to God?”
“Yes,” I replied, seeing the image in my mind.
“Well, that’s what I had to do. As clearly as if it happened yesterday, I remember when, years ago, I cupped my hands infront of
Renewal and restoration are not luxuries. They are essentials. There is absolutely nothing enviable or spiritual about a coronary or a nervous breakdown, nor is an ultra-busy schedule necessarily the mark of a productive life.
C HUCK S WINDOLL
When we are doing the hard work of letting go, we can assist the process by downshifting into survival mode and getting back to the basics. Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish—it’s smart. If we are tending to our own needs, we are more likely to have something worthwhile to offer others. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). Our effectiveness in loving others begins with a choice to love ourselves. When we fill ourselves up first, we’re more likely to have something worthwhile to pass on to another. As every flight attendant reminds us, it’s impossible to offer others oxygen if we’ve ceased breathing ourselves.
Prescription for a happier and healthier life: Resolve to slow your pace; learn to say no gracefully; resist the temptation to chase after more pleasures, hobbies, and more social entanglements; then “hold the line” with the tenacity of a tackle for a professional football team.
D R. J AMES D OBSON
C HAPTER E IGHT
R EVISE
E XPECTATIONS
THEY SAY YOU GET WHAT YOU EXPECT. BUT THEN, WHAT DO “they” know anyway?
Launi expected to be married happily ever after. It didn’t happen.
Tammy, Jackie, Martin, and Len expected their partners to be faithful. They weren’t.
Bob and Dave expected their company revenues to increase 25 percent last year. Instead, they both filed for bankruptcy.
Karen and Phil expected their son to go to college in the fall. He died in a motorcycle accident this spring.
Dace, Mira, Judy, and I expected to give birth to healthy babies. Yet each of us has a child with special needs.
An Old Testament gentleman named Job had some expectations, and he too felt the bone-deep ache of disappointment when they didn’t come about. At one point he admitted, “When I expected good, then evil came; when I waited for light, then darkness came” (Job 30:26, NASB ). 1
This morning I went for a sanity walk with a friend. She is a faithful, devoted mother of four children who has knownthe deep disappointment of unrealized dreams. “From the time my kids were little, I expected them to finish high school, attend college, and start families,” she told me. “I didn’t have any lofty dreams that any of them would be the president of the United States or the first astronaut to set foot on another planet. I just expected the basics.
“My husband and I were devastated when our oldest son started experimenting with drugs and dropped out of high school. Even though we had taught him well about the dangers of substance abuse, he chose to ignore us and go his own way. When our second son fathered a child out of wedlock, our expectations were shattered all over again. We had hoped that grandchildren would come along after the children were married, not before. Things didn’t turn out anything like we had expected, and letting go of the dreams we had for our boys has been one of the most painful experiences we’ve ever endured.”
“So how did you do it?” I asked her. “How did you let go?” It was obvious to me that, for the most part, she was on the other side of the debilitating grief, no longer incapacitated by the pain. I wondered what had helped usher her to that place of peace.
She referred me to a story in the Bible. “Do you remember the story of Abraham and Isaac?”
I nodded, for I knew the story well.
“Do you remember how Abraham placed Isaac on the altar and offered him up to God?”
“Yes,” I replied, seeing the image in my mind.
“Well, that’s what I had to do. As clearly as if it happened yesterday, I remember when, years ago, I cupped my hands infront of
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