anyway.
Or so she thought. Sometimes she wondered if she had finally pushed him over the edge of his patience with her stubborn unwillingness to consider putting some of their money into a riskier investment. They’d had arguments before but had never found themselves at such an impasse. Despite all of Micah’s wonderful qualities, he was a risk taker and couldn’t seem to understand that Kate wasn’t.
Outwardly, Kate rejected the notion that this man, who had loved her so deeply and devoted himself to making her happy, would have turned to another woman. But deep down, the fear tormented her. For weeks before his disappearance, she’d been consumed with financial worries. Their communication was often strained and their lovemaking nonexistent, solely Kate’s doing and something she now deeply regretted. What she wouldn’t give just to feel Micah’s arms around her again.
Kate looked out at the glistening lake. She had finally reached a level of acceptance that made it bearable to move forward without her husband and baby girl. But Abby’s stubborn insistence that the child she saw could be Riley Jo threatened to unearth the broken dreams Kate had finally been able to bury. She would not bury them twice. She refused to be deceived again by false hope.
Just seeing the picture of the little girl had been upsetting. The child’s face was sweet, her facial features dainty, like Riley Jo’s. Was it God’s way of taunting her, rubbing salt in the raw wound that would probably never heal? What did He want from her? She had been a faithful follower when He broke His promise never to leave or forsake her. Where was He during those agonizing days, weeks, months, and years when she cried out to Him for relief from the pain that tormented her? When she struggled to survive with the broken heart that He, in His sovereignty, had allowed to break?
It was difficult enough that He had repaid her faithfulness with suffering. But it was unbearable that He had left her to endure it alone. That He had removed His presence from her when she needed Him most. Every sympathy card she got encouraged her to reach out to Him for comfort. But there was no comfort. No loving arms to wrap her in the peace that passes understanding. If she learned anything from losing her husband and daughter, it was that God couldn’t be trusted.
It would be disingenuous of her to encourage her children to put their faith in a God capable of such indifference. Though she missed that passionate longing for the spiritual. And the sense of being deeply loved by the God of the universe. Her father had it. So did Abby. Soon Jesse would. But not Kate. Never again. And she was not going to feel guilty for not buying into the religious hype. God was not what He claimed to be. And her faith had not withstood the betrayal. It was all a myth.
Kate felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped.
“Sorry if I scared you,” Hawk said. “Could we talk privately for a minute?”
Kate glanced at the crowd of folks on the umbrella deck. “Sure. Let’s go downstairs.”
Kate walked down the steps to the ground level, then turned around. “What is it, Hawk? You look upset.”
“Did you know Abby has been asking people in town if they know who the girl in the picture is?”
Kate bit her lip. “I did not . How’d you find out?”
“I went into Bella’s to get donuts and saw Abby’s name and cell number on a card at the register. I asked Laura Lynn about it. She said Abby and Jay were in there last night, asking if anyone knew Ella’s last name and where she lived. And if they were uncomfortable giving out that information, would they contact her parents and ask them to call Abby. She showed Laura Lynn a doll and said it belonged to Ella, and Abby wanted to return it.”
Kate dropped her head into her hands and shook it. “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”
“You have to make her stop.”
“I said I’ll take care of it, Hawk. That means you need to drop it and
Or so she thought. Sometimes she wondered if she had finally pushed him over the edge of his patience with her stubborn unwillingness to consider putting some of their money into a riskier investment. They’d had arguments before but had never found themselves at such an impasse. Despite all of Micah’s wonderful qualities, he was a risk taker and couldn’t seem to understand that Kate wasn’t.
Outwardly, Kate rejected the notion that this man, who had loved her so deeply and devoted himself to making her happy, would have turned to another woman. But deep down, the fear tormented her. For weeks before his disappearance, she’d been consumed with financial worries. Their communication was often strained and their lovemaking nonexistent, solely Kate’s doing and something she now deeply regretted. What she wouldn’t give just to feel Micah’s arms around her again.
Kate looked out at the glistening lake. She had finally reached a level of acceptance that made it bearable to move forward without her husband and baby girl. But Abby’s stubborn insistence that the child she saw could be Riley Jo threatened to unearth the broken dreams Kate had finally been able to bury. She would not bury them twice. She refused to be deceived again by false hope.
Just seeing the picture of the little girl had been upsetting. The child’s face was sweet, her facial features dainty, like Riley Jo’s. Was it God’s way of taunting her, rubbing salt in the raw wound that would probably never heal? What did He want from her? She had been a faithful follower when He broke His promise never to leave or forsake her. Where was He during those agonizing days, weeks, months, and years when she cried out to Him for relief from the pain that tormented her? When she struggled to survive with the broken heart that He, in His sovereignty, had allowed to break?
It was difficult enough that He had repaid her faithfulness with suffering. But it was unbearable that He had left her to endure it alone. That He had removed His presence from her when she needed Him most. Every sympathy card she got encouraged her to reach out to Him for comfort. But there was no comfort. No loving arms to wrap her in the peace that passes understanding. If she learned anything from losing her husband and daughter, it was that God couldn’t be trusted.
It would be disingenuous of her to encourage her children to put their faith in a God capable of such indifference. Though she missed that passionate longing for the spiritual. And the sense of being deeply loved by the God of the universe. Her father had it. So did Abby. Soon Jesse would. But not Kate. Never again. And she was not going to feel guilty for not buying into the religious hype. God was not what He claimed to be. And her faith had not withstood the betrayal. It was all a myth.
Kate felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped.
“Sorry if I scared you,” Hawk said. “Could we talk privately for a minute?”
Kate glanced at the crowd of folks on the umbrella deck. “Sure. Let’s go downstairs.”
Kate walked down the steps to the ground level, then turned around. “What is it, Hawk? You look upset.”
“Did you know Abby has been asking people in town if they know who the girl in the picture is?”
Kate bit her lip. “I did not . How’d you find out?”
“I went into Bella’s to get donuts and saw Abby’s name and cell number on a card at the register. I asked Laura Lynn about it. She said Abby and Jay were in there last night, asking if anyone knew Ella’s last name and where she lived. And if they were uncomfortable giving out that information, would they contact her parents and ask them to call Abby. She showed Laura Lynn a doll and said it belonged to Ella, and Abby wanted to return it.”
Kate dropped her head into her hands and shook it. “Okay, I’ll take care of it.”
“You have to make her stop.”
“I said I’ll take care of it, Hawk. That means you need to drop it and
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