Read Online Letting Go of Disappointments and Painful Losses by Pam Vredevelt - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Pam Vredevelt
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as if part of who we are is surgically severed or cut away. It takes time and rest to recover. Sleep is one of the primary ways the body restores itself. If we rob ourselves of it through overactivity, we slow our recovery and impair the healing process. In short, we prolong and intensify the pain involved in letting go.
Activity itself proves nothing: the ant is praised, the mosquito swatted.
A NONYMOUS
My grandfather, an entrepreneur and successful businessman, used to say, “The only problem with sleep is that you’ve got to take it lying down.” He was a hard-working man who could close his eyes and catch a few winks just about anywhere and then awake refreshed for the rest of the day. Thesecatnaps were in addition to the solid eight hours of sleep he got at night. It’s a model of self-care worth considering.
We’re more likely to be successful in our endeavors of letting go if we lay aside our to-do lists and put ourselves to bed in a timely fashion. With refreshed minds and healthy bodies, we’ll be more effective in handling the new list tomorrow.
I found I could add nearly two hours to my working day by going to bed for an hour after lunch.
S IR W INSTON C HURCHILL
Finally, when you’re doing the hard work of letting go, exercise is prescriptive, not optional. Although I’m not an expert in physiology, as a clinical counselor I know the mental and emotional benefits of exercise. Studies have shown that exercise is a key to managing depression and anxiety. It’s a cheap, easy way to elevate mood, decrease agitation, and deliver a sense of calm to the brain. The endorphins released during aerobic exercise, for example, are powerful mood elevators and natural tranquilizers. Exercise is also a superb tool for managing anger. When we exercise, we physically force tension out of our bodies.
For as long as I can remember, exercise has been a part of my routine. I used to swim a mile on my lunch hour. After my children were born, I had less time and energy for the pool routine, so I started walking—something I still do today. When the weather is nice, I enjoy walking the hills in our neighborhood forthirty to sixty minutes, four or five days a week. If it’s pouring rain, a treadmill comes in handy. While I do have to carve out time in my schedule for walking, I think I probably save time in the long run. My proficiency on task is much better when my mood is good, my mind peaceful, and my body strong. The more hectic and pressured a week becomes, the more I need my “sanity walk” to defuse the tension, restore calm, and help me sleep deeply at night.
The most frequent rebuttal I hear to the argument for exercise is that it just takes too much time. But exercise for enhancing our emotional state really requires only thirty to forty minutes, several times a week. We don’t have to spend long hours in the gym. Some experts say that maintaining a consistent training-level heart rate for twenty-five minutes will alter the brain chemistry in much the same way that an anti-depressant does.
I encourage my clients to set aside a minimum of thirty minutes for any aerobic activity, since it takes a few minutes to work the heart up to a training-level pulse. An exercise trainer at a local club can help you calculate your training heart rate based on your age and overall physical condition.
For me, the benefits far outweigh the cost. In fact, when I don’t exercise, I pay for it. I’m more irritable, little things get to me, and I find myself reacting to life in ways I don’t want to.
If you are in the middle of transition, struggling emotionally with deep disappointment or painful loss, I sincerely hope you will set aside time for exercise. It really doesn’t matterwhat kind of activity you choose, as long as it’s aerobic and increases your heart rate and the flow of oxygen and blood to the brain. Do something you enjoy. Walk. Ride a bike. Swim. Jog. Rollerblade. Play an intense game of basketball. Any
Activity itself proves nothing: the ant is praised, the mosquito swatted.
A NONYMOUS
My grandfather, an entrepreneur and successful businessman, used to say, “The only problem with sleep is that you’ve got to take it lying down.” He was a hard-working man who could close his eyes and catch a few winks just about anywhere and then awake refreshed for the rest of the day. Thesecatnaps were in addition to the solid eight hours of sleep he got at night. It’s a model of self-care worth considering.
We’re more likely to be successful in our endeavors of letting go if we lay aside our to-do lists and put ourselves to bed in a timely fashion. With refreshed minds and healthy bodies, we’ll be more effective in handling the new list tomorrow.
I found I could add nearly two hours to my working day by going to bed for an hour after lunch.
S IR W INSTON C HURCHILL
Finally, when you’re doing the hard work of letting go, exercise is prescriptive, not optional. Although I’m not an expert in physiology, as a clinical counselor I know the mental and emotional benefits of exercise. Studies have shown that exercise is a key to managing depression and anxiety. It’s a cheap, easy way to elevate mood, decrease agitation, and deliver a sense of calm to the brain. The endorphins released during aerobic exercise, for example, are powerful mood elevators and natural tranquilizers. Exercise is also a superb tool for managing anger. When we exercise, we physically force tension out of our bodies.
For as long as I can remember, exercise has been a part of my routine. I used to swim a mile on my lunch hour. After my children were born, I had less time and energy for the pool routine, so I started walking—something I still do today. When the weather is nice, I enjoy walking the hills in our neighborhood forthirty to sixty minutes, four or five days a week. If it’s pouring rain, a treadmill comes in handy. While I do have to carve out time in my schedule for walking, I think I probably save time in the long run. My proficiency on task is much better when my mood is good, my mind peaceful, and my body strong. The more hectic and pressured a week becomes, the more I need my “sanity walk” to defuse the tension, restore calm, and help me sleep deeply at night.
The most frequent rebuttal I hear to the argument for exercise is that it just takes too much time. But exercise for enhancing our emotional state really requires only thirty to forty minutes, several times a week. We don’t have to spend long hours in the gym. Some experts say that maintaining a consistent training-level heart rate for twenty-five minutes will alter the brain chemistry in much the same way that an anti-depressant does.
I encourage my clients to set aside a minimum of thirty minutes for any aerobic activity, since it takes a few minutes to work the heart up to a training-level pulse. An exercise trainer at a local club can help you calculate your training heart rate based on your age and overall physical condition.
For me, the benefits far outweigh the cost. In fact, when I don’t exercise, I pay for it. I’m more irritable, little things get to me, and I find myself reacting to life in ways I don’t want to.
If you are in the middle of transition, struggling emotionally with deep disappointment or painful loss, I sincerely hope you will set aside time for exercise. It really doesn’t matterwhat kind of activity you choose, as long as it’s aerobic and increases your heart rate and the flow of oxygen and blood to the brain. Do something you enjoy. Walk. Ride a bike. Swim. Jog. Rollerblade. Play an intense game of basketball. Any
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