in a d ictionar y to see h ow man y o f the words I’d heard of. There was about 20 different dictionaries to choose from in the library. I picked up the Chambers Concise Dictionar y . I started on the first page, and o ut o f aroun d 40 wor d s I on ly reco g nize d a b out six. One of w h ic h was aar d var k . A wor d t h at I’ve never use d , a p art f rom now, and even if I did want to talk about those an i mals I’d probably say anteater instead. That’s a good name as it says w h at it d oes. It mig h t not b e great f or t h e anima l ’s mora l e b ein g name d a f ter w h at it eats, b ut it wor k s. I f y ou f oun d an anteater t h at was wea k an d nee d e d f oo d , y ou’ d know exactly what to get it, due to its useful name. But if I f ound a starving, stranded badger, I wouldn’t know what to g ive it. Sa y in g t h at, I’ve on ly ever seen d ea d b a dg ers .
Some t h in g s g et g iven new names, w h ic h is c l o gg in g u p the dictionar y even more. “Muffin” – that’s a word that was n ever needed. Everyone was happy to say “bun” or “cake”. I ’m sure t h is wor d was invente d just so Americans d i d n’t f ee l as b a d a b out eatin g ca k e f or b rea kf ast. I l oo k e d towar d s t h e en d o f t h e d ictionar y to see i f t h e wor d s g ot easier. “ Zurf and zarf. An ornamental holder for a hot coffee cup.” W hat’s wrong with the word “saucer”? Saucers are anothe r t h in g t h at c l utters u p t h e h ouse. We g ot a l oa d o f t h em wit h o ur p l ate set b ut we never use t h em. We never use d saucers wh en I was a k i d eit h er – t h e y a l wa y s en d e d g ettin g use d to f eed the cat off. We ain’t g ot a cat now so we could g et shut o f them, but Suzanne won’t get rid “just in case” we get a cat in t h e f utu r e.
I h a d a q uic k l oo k at a me d ica l d ictionar y . Some o f t h e w or d s f or i ll nesses are ri d icu l ous. I t h in k t h is is w hy d o c tors’ handwritin g is alwa y s such a mess – the words are that complicated that they can’t remember how to spell them, so just put a messy scraw l d own. Pneumonou l tramicroscopicsi l icovo l canoconiosis is a t yp e o f l un g d isease. I f someone can’t b reat h e t h at we ll , w hy g ive t h e i ll ness a name t h at they’ll struggle saying in one breath? It can only be so that w hen a doctor says you have it, it makes you think you’re in sa f e, inte ll i g ent h an d s. I su pp ose i f t h e y sai d , “ Y a lungs are b u gg ere d ” y ou’ d b e a f ter a secon d o p inion .
P neumonoultramicrosco p icsilicovolcanoconiosis. That’s l ike the 4x4 car of words. Unnecessarily big and just sho wing o ff . I f we carry on l i k e t h is, I t h in k poc k et d ictiona r ies wi ll b ecome a t h in g o f t h e p ast. Eit h er t h at or p oc k ets are g onna b e massive, one or t h e ot h er. I won d er i f l on g w ords came about cos years ago people had more time to sit around chatting and had time to have long words in thei r sentences, w h ereas now ever y one is too b us y . T h at’s w hy s h ort h an d was invente d an d a bb reviations , d ue to t h ere not b ein g enou gh minutes in t h e d a y to use a ll t h e b i g wor d s. To this da y I don’t do j oined-u p writin g . I’ve never been in that much of a rush. I only use short words so it doesn’t take me that long to write a sentence, whereas if you use b i g wor d s y ou h ave to write f ast. I a l so won d er i f t h ere are too man y wor d s cos t h ere are too man y l etters. I s p ent a l ot o f time in W ales as a kid and was told that the W elsh have l ess letters in their alphabet. They don’t use the letters J, K, Q, Y, V, X or Z, so I d on’t k now w h at t h ey’ d say i f t h ey saw a q uic k b rown f ox j um p over a l az y d o g . T h e y j ust use t h e l etters t h e y d o h ave a l ot more. L is a f avourite in Wa l es. W hereas we can’t use all our letters up, so
Some t h in g s g et g iven new names, w h ic h is c l o gg in g u p the dictionar y even more. “Muffin” – that’s a word that was n ever needed. Everyone was happy to say “bun” or “cake”. I ’m sure t h is wor d was invente d just so Americans d i d n’t f ee l as b a d a b out eatin g ca k e f or b rea kf ast. I l oo k e d towar d s t h e en d o f t h e d ictionar y to see i f t h e wor d s g ot easier. “ Zurf and zarf. An ornamental holder for a hot coffee cup.” W hat’s wrong with the word “saucer”? Saucers are anothe r t h in g t h at c l utters u p t h e h ouse. We g ot a l oa d o f t h em wit h o ur p l ate set b ut we never use t h em. We never use d saucers wh en I was a k i d eit h er – t h e y a l wa y s en d e d g ettin g use d to f eed the cat off. We ain’t g ot a cat now so we could g et shut o f them, but Suzanne won’t get rid “just in case” we get a cat in t h e f utu r e.
I h a d a q uic k l oo k at a me d ica l d ictionar y . Some o f t h e w or d s f or i ll nesses are ri d icu l ous. I t h in k t h is is w hy d o c tors’ handwritin g is alwa y s such a mess – the words are that complicated that they can’t remember how to spell them, so just put a messy scraw l d own. Pneumonou l tramicroscopicsi l icovo l canoconiosis is a t yp e o f l un g d isease. I f someone can’t b reat h e t h at we ll , w hy g ive t h e i ll ness a name t h at they’ll struggle saying in one breath? It can only be so that w hen a doctor says you have it, it makes you think you’re in sa f e, inte ll i g ent h an d s. I su pp ose i f t h e y sai d , “ Y a lungs are b u gg ere d ” y ou’ d b e a f ter a secon d o p inion .
P neumonoultramicrosco p icsilicovolcanoconiosis. That’s l ike the 4x4 car of words. Unnecessarily big and just sho wing o ff . I f we carry on l i k e t h is, I t h in k poc k et d ictiona r ies wi ll b ecome a t h in g o f t h e p ast. Eit h er t h at or p oc k ets are g onna b e massive, one or t h e ot h er. I won d er i f l on g w ords came about cos years ago people had more time to sit around chatting and had time to have long words in thei r sentences, w h ereas now ever y one is too b us y . T h at’s w hy s h ort h an d was invente d an d a bb reviations , d ue to t h ere not b ein g enou gh minutes in t h e d a y to use a ll t h e b i g wor d s. To this da y I don’t do j oined-u p writin g . I’ve never been in that much of a rush. I only use short words so it doesn’t take me that long to write a sentence, whereas if you use b i g wor d s y ou h ave to write f ast. I a l so won d er i f t h ere are too man y wor d s cos t h ere are too man y l etters. I s p ent a l ot o f time in W ales as a kid and was told that the W elsh have l ess letters in their alphabet. They don’t use the letters J, K, Q, Y, V, X or Z, so I d on’t k now w h at t h ey’ d say i f t h ey saw a q uic k b rown f ox j um p over a l az y d o g . T h e y j ust use t h e l etters t h e y d o h ave a l ot more. L is a f avourite in Wa l es. W hereas we can’t use all our letters up, so
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