Read Online Kafka in Love by Jacqueline Raoul-Duval - Free Book Online
Authors: Jacqueline Raoul-Duval
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wouldn’t really be able to giveup Berlin, my family, the office, buying nice clothes, and going to the theater. I’ve been thinking about all the arguments you’ve made repeatedly. You’re right, I would have to give up too much. Of the two of us, I would carry the heavier burden.”
“What I conclude is that you don’t love me at all.”
“You’re wrong. Look at the locket I wear around my neck. Your picture is with me night and day. I will never marry anyone but you.”
“Do you plan to go on writing to me? Or not?”
“You decide. I would be willing to go on writing. But I would also be willing to stop writing you.”
“Then it would all be over, and each of us would take back his letters and photographs?”
“No. I would never return your letters or your photographs. I would never throw them away or ask for mine to be returned.”
He sees the two of them pacing back and forth along the footpaths of the zoo. He is gesturing and pleading his case, ready to fall at Felice’s feet. She appears ready to end the conversation, which she finds annoying.
In front of them, in enormous cages, perched on the branches of a cement tree, monkeys are leaping, chasing each other frenetically. They emit piercing cries, grating one’s nerves. He sees the marmosets running in everydirection, exhibiting their bright red bottoms and erect members, their long tails swishing through the air.
The lewd behavior of the monkeys, their screams, their mad dashes, their brazen behavior, irritate Felice: “Franz, for the love of God, stop pleading with me. You always want the impossible. Don’t attach so much importance to every word.”
“You want only to humiliate me!”
“You’re the one who is looking for humiliation! The only thing that interests you, as you’ve said a hundred times, is tormenting others and being tormented! I’ve had enough of being both your victim and your executioner.”
She grows impatient, wants to leave. He restrains her. She responds with a sullen silence, in which hatred and disgust lurk. She looks everywhere but at him, furious.
The film plays over and over in his head, the images become confused, he sees only bright red buttocks. They swirl, fill the whole screen, the cries of the monkeys and of Felice blend together, hammer at his skull, drive him crazy.
O nce back in Prague, he makes a decision that helps him ward off the temptation to commit suicide: if hedoesn’t marry Felice, he will quit his job, leave Prague, move to Berlin, and become a journalist.
I n March, Felice appears intent on mending their relationship again.
“Forget the horrid words I said to you in the park, I was overwrought, nervous, and upset about what had happened to my brother Ferry. You know how much I love him, what’s happening to him is terrible, I’ll tell you when I see you, he had to leave Berlin suddenly. Franz, if you want me, if the love I have for you is enough, I am willing to be your wife. Can you take me as though nothing had happened?”
“Felice, I do take you, with everything that has happened, and I will keep you though I should lose my mind. I love you to the limits of my strength.”
They see each other again at Easter for a quiet engagement party. The gathering of the two families occurs in Berlin, at the Bauers’ house. Once again, their reunion is short and unhappy. The engaged couple are never alone. Franz doesn’t even manage to kiss Felice, who seems not to mind.
She sets the date of their wedding for September.
He is surprised: “Why wait six months? Let’s move the wedding forward.”
She refuses.
The official announcement of their engagement appears in the daily newspapers in Berlin and Prague. Franz, who composed the announcement, jokes: “Those four lines sound to me like a public announcement, to the effect that, on Whitsunday, F.K. will perform a figure-skating exhibition at the music hall!”
All their subsequent attention is given to organizing the reception,
“What I conclude is that you don’t love me at all.”
“You’re wrong. Look at the locket I wear around my neck. Your picture is with me night and day. I will never marry anyone but you.”
“Do you plan to go on writing to me? Or not?”
“You decide. I would be willing to go on writing. But I would also be willing to stop writing you.”
“Then it would all be over, and each of us would take back his letters and photographs?”
“No. I would never return your letters or your photographs. I would never throw them away or ask for mine to be returned.”
He sees the two of them pacing back and forth along the footpaths of the zoo. He is gesturing and pleading his case, ready to fall at Felice’s feet. She appears ready to end the conversation, which she finds annoying.
In front of them, in enormous cages, perched on the branches of a cement tree, monkeys are leaping, chasing each other frenetically. They emit piercing cries, grating one’s nerves. He sees the marmosets running in everydirection, exhibiting their bright red bottoms and erect members, their long tails swishing through the air.
The lewd behavior of the monkeys, their screams, their mad dashes, their brazen behavior, irritate Felice: “Franz, for the love of God, stop pleading with me. You always want the impossible. Don’t attach so much importance to every word.”
“You want only to humiliate me!”
“You’re the one who is looking for humiliation! The only thing that interests you, as you’ve said a hundred times, is tormenting others and being tormented! I’ve had enough of being both your victim and your executioner.”
She grows impatient, wants to leave. He restrains her. She responds with a sullen silence, in which hatred and disgust lurk. She looks everywhere but at him, furious.
The film plays over and over in his head, the images become confused, he sees only bright red buttocks. They swirl, fill the whole screen, the cries of the monkeys and of Felice blend together, hammer at his skull, drive him crazy.
O nce back in Prague, he makes a decision that helps him ward off the temptation to commit suicide: if hedoesn’t marry Felice, he will quit his job, leave Prague, move to Berlin, and become a journalist.
I n March, Felice appears intent on mending their relationship again.
“Forget the horrid words I said to you in the park, I was overwrought, nervous, and upset about what had happened to my brother Ferry. You know how much I love him, what’s happening to him is terrible, I’ll tell you when I see you, he had to leave Berlin suddenly. Franz, if you want me, if the love I have for you is enough, I am willing to be your wife. Can you take me as though nothing had happened?”
“Felice, I do take you, with everything that has happened, and I will keep you though I should lose my mind. I love you to the limits of my strength.”
They see each other again at Easter for a quiet engagement party. The gathering of the two families occurs in Berlin, at the Bauers’ house. Once again, their reunion is short and unhappy. The engaged couple are never alone. Franz doesn’t even manage to kiss Felice, who seems not to mind.
She sets the date of their wedding for September.
He is surprised: “Why wait six months? Let’s move the wedding forward.”
She refuses.
The official announcement of their engagement appears in the daily newspapers in Berlin and Prague. Franz, who composed the announcement, jokes: “Those four lines sound to me like a public announcement, to the effect that, on Whitsunday, F.K. will perform a figure-skating exhibition at the music hall!”
All their subsequent attention is given to organizing the reception,
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