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Authors: David Deida
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preferences. You cannot be full in your feminine energy and also give up love for his preferences.
For instance, imagine you want to move to one city and he wants to move to another. Because love is the priority for the feminine, you have the potential to stay in your feminine energy, giving and receiving love with him, and yet not live in the place you would choose, because that’s secondary to the feminine. Where you live is less important than if you share deep love, if you are in your feminine energy.
But for the masculine, if forced to choose, freedom is more important than love. So if your man feels an ultimatum from you—he has to live where you prefer or else he loses you—thenhe is going to feel your masculine choice. Your priority is your career, your freedom or whatever it is that makes you want to live in a particular place.
This is fine, but realize that you are prioritizing freedom above love. You are choosing your masculine priority over your feminine priority. This choice will inevitably depolarize the relationship, unless you are with a man who prefers to gift you with feminine, rather than masculine, energy.
What Can Men and Women Learn from Each Other?
Women often have to teach men how to incarnate love in a relationship. On the other hand, men often teach women how to be free.
You would be doomed if you were only happy in a relationship because all relationships end. You would also be doomed if you could not love in relationship, since life consists of relationship. Therefore, each of us needs to learn the masculine lesson of freedom prior to relationship and the feminine lesson of love in relationship.
Women teach men life and men teach women death. They are both necessary lessons. A good man teaches how to let go of emotionally binding attachments. A good woman teaches how to love within a relationship, within a commitment. His freedom can teach her not to cling. Her love can teach him to surrender his self-centered distraction.
Why Do Men Balk at Commitment?
Men tend to argue for the possibility of love without real commitment. In response to men’s ideas about possible relationships, women often feel, I’m real. Don’t give me your theoretical bullshit. You’re either loving me right now or you’re not . She wants concrete love. Don’t give me any of your heady philosophy. I’m not feeling your love right now. You’re not incarnating love right now . She tests whether her man is really loving, or just thinking of love. I am here. I am real. Love me . She is here to love.
The man says, “I know you really want my attention, but can you feel love whether I am here or not? Can you be free and happy whether anything is here or not?” This is the masculine teaching of love.
The more full the masculine and feminine teachings of love are, the more close they come to being the same. At the meeting point, there is no difference between the masculine and the feminine. There is no difference between freedom and love. Since true love is all-encompassing, resisting nothing, it is totally free. And, since real freedom is fearless, with no sense of threatened self, it is completely loving. Freedom and love, masculine and feminine, are not different in their full fruition.
Yet there tends to be a concrete difference at the human level. The masculine is more able to stand outside of things and point out, “You are in a mood right now. This is just a mood. Remember love. In this moment, there is nothing preventing you. You don’t need this and that. You don’t need anything. Just remember love right now.” This is the masculine gift.
The feminine gift is like the sound of a ringing bell, a reminder of love in life. “Hey, you! You are distracted in yourtheories and projects and TV. This is where love is expressed, with me. Right here. I’m here to be loved. I’m here loving you.” The feminine calls the masculine into the beauty of life and the embrace of love.
We need both these
For instance, imagine you want to move to one city and he wants to move to another. Because love is the priority for the feminine, you have the potential to stay in your feminine energy, giving and receiving love with him, and yet not live in the place you would choose, because that’s secondary to the feminine. Where you live is less important than if you share deep love, if you are in your feminine energy.
But for the masculine, if forced to choose, freedom is more important than love. So if your man feels an ultimatum from you—he has to live where you prefer or else he loses you—thenhe is going to feel your masculine choice. Your priority is your career, your freedom or whatever it is that makes you want to live in a particular place.
This is fine, but realize that you are prioritizing freedom above love. You are choosing your masculine priority over your feminine priority. This choice will inevitably depolarize the relationship, unless you are with a man who prefers to gift you with feminine, rather than masculine, energy.
What Can Men and Women Learn from Each Other?
Women often have to teach men how to incarnate love in a relationship. On the other hand, men often teach women how to be free.
You would be doomed if you were only happy in a relationship because all relationships end. You would also be doomed if you could not love in relationship, since life consists of relationship. Therefore, each of us needs to learn the masculine lesson of freedom prior to relationship and the feminine lesson of love in relationship.
Women teach men life and men teach women death. They are both necessary lessons. A good man teaches how to let go of emotionally binding attachments. A good woman teaches how to love within a relationship, within a commitment. His freedom can teach her not to cling. Her love can teach him to surrender his self-centered distraction.
Why Do Men Balk at Commitment?
Men tend to argue for the possibility of love without real commitment. In response to men’s ideas about possible relationships, women often feel, I’m real. Don’t give me your theoretical bullshit. You’re either loving me right now or you’re not . She wants concrete love. Don’t give me any of your heady philosophy. I’m not feeling your love right now. You’re not incarnating love right now . She tests whether her man is really loving, or just thinking of love. I am here. I am real. Love me . She is here to love.
The man says, “I know you really want my attention, but can you feel love whether I am here or not? Can you be free and happy whether anything is here or not?” This is the masculine teaching of love.
The more full the masculine and feminine teachings of love are, the more close they come to being the same. At the meeting point, there is no difference between the masculine and the feminine. There is no difference between freedom and love. Since true love is all-encompassing, resisting nothing, it is totally free. And, since real freedom is fearless, with no sense of threatened self, it is completely loving. Freedom and love, masculine and feminine, are not different in their full fruition.
Yet there tends to be a concrete difference at the human level. The masculine is more able to stand outside of things and point out, “You are in a mood right now. This is just a mood. Remember love. In this moment, there is nothing preventing you. You don’t need this and that. You don’t need anything. Just remember love right now.” This is the masculine gift.
The feminine gift is like the sound of a ringing bell, a reminder of love in life. “Hey, you! You are distracted in yourtheories and projects and TV. This is where love is expressed, with me. Right here. I’m here to be loved. I’m here loving you.” The feminine calls the masculine into the beauty of life and the embrace of love.
We need both these
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