I need to do. I wouldn’t lose her and I could be around for my brother.
“I’ll miss you beyond belief,” she whispers, another tear following the first.
Without thinking, I lean forward and brush the tear away with my lips. It’s warm and salty. Lily’s eyes widen and her lips part and I can’t stay away a second longer. If I don’t kiss her right now, I will break. The past year has been destroying me, and I can’t do it another second. I didn’t even realize it all until it is now rushing up to suffocate me.
My heart thunders and I fight to swallow as my lips lightly form to hers. My eyelids slide shut, a roar forms in m y ears, and I deepen the kiss. Feeling Lily respond as her honey lips clutch mine, my stomach swoops. I move forward and Lily falls to her back on the bed and I’m on top of her, holding my body off hers with arms that shake.
I’ve kissed oth er girls before, but none of those times made me feel as I do now. It is as if I can’t breathe. My heart is going to explode and I can’t get enough; I want her so bad and a kiss isn’t enough; I need her; I can’t live without her; she is everything—on and on the thoughts stream through my head, merging together into a senseless litany that makes perfect sense. The craziest thing, the thing that stuns me, is that she is kissing me back . I know with clarity that no other girl is going to make me feel half of what I feel with Lily. She centers me, balances me, makes me better, makes me want to be better.
I am e ighteen years old and already I am done for. There is no perfect match for me to find; I’ve already found her.
When she entangles her fingers through my hair and presses up against me, I moan. I run my fingers up her shirt, caressing her hot skin, feeling her quiver beneath my touch. I don’t want to stop. I have to stop. It’s so right and yet so wrong. Right for me, wrong for Lily. Her hands delve under my sweatshirt, roaming up and down my back and around to my chest. I let out a ragged breath at the euphoria her touch brings me.
Her tongue glides over my bottom lip and it surprises me so much I jerk away, breathing hard, wanting her, and wondering how she learned to kiss like that. I straighten my glasses and run a hand through my hair, staring at her flushed skin and half-lidded eyes. I jump from the bed before I decide to finish what I started.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” I say with my back to her, my voice harsh. I take deep breaths, willing my body to relax. Not an easy feat.
“Why?” She sounds slightly dazed.
“Because.”
“Because why , Grayson? I don’t understand what’s happening between us. One minute we’re fine, the next we’re not. And then…that was amazing, but now you’re telling me you regret it.”
I whirl around, piercing her in place with my eyes. “You think I regret that?”
Lily swallows, looking down. “Don’t you?”
I clench my fists. “Fuck no!” I almost shout. “That’s the problem. If I didn’t stop when I did, I wouldn’t have wanted to stop.”
Wonder fills her face, her lower lip trembling, and I cannot look at her a second longer. She looks so beautiful. So happy . Like I made her happy. She can’t look at me like that. Whatever Lily is thinking or feeling; she needs to stop . I’m not good enough for her. I will not allow her to think there’s a chance we can be anything other than friends. Good idea then, kissing her and everything. I wince.
“Why did you kiss me?”
I clench my jaw and angle my head away from her gaze. “I don’t know.”
“Why do you hate Garrett?”
I flinch at his name, anger sweeping through me. “We’ve never gotten along.”
Lily crawls to the edge of the bed and stands up. “I know that. I want to know why .”
“I don’t know,” I say again.
“ Why did you kiss me? ” she repeats sharply, standing before me.
I have to end this before it begins. I have to hurt her to help her. I think of the flash of
“I’ll miss you beyond belief,” she whispers, another tear following the first.
Without thinking, I lean forward and brush the tear away with my lips. It’s warm and salty. Lily’s eyes widen and her lips part and I can’t stay away a second longer. If I don’t kiss her right now, I will break. The past year has been destroying me, and I can’t do it another second. I didn’t even realize it all until it is now rushing up to suffocate me.
My heart thunders and I fight to swallow as my lips lightly form to hers. My eyelids slide shut, a roar forms in m y ears, and I deepen the kiss. Feeling Lily respond as her honey lips clutch mine, my stomach swoops. I move forward and Lily falls to her back on the bed and I’m on top of her, holding my body off hers with arms that shake.
I’ve kissed oth er girls before, but none of those times made me feel as I do now. It is as if I can’t breathe. My heart is going to explode and I can’t get enough; I want her so bad and a kiss isn’t enough; I need her; I can’t live without her; she is everything—on and on the thoughts stream through my head, merging together into a senseless litany that makes perfect sense. The craziest thing, the thing that stuns me, is that she is kissing me back . I know with clarity that no other girl is going to make me feel half of what I feel with Lily. She centers me, balances me, makes me better, makes me want to be better.
I am e ighteen years old and already I am done for. There is no perfect match for me to find; I’ve already found her.
When she entangles her fingers through my hair and presses up against me, I moan. I run my fingers up her shirt, caressing her hot skin, feeling her quiver beneath my touch. I don’t want to stop. I have to stop. It’s so right and yet so wrong. Right for me, wrong for Lily. Her hands delve under my sweatshirt, roaming up and down my back and around to my chest. I let out a ragged breath at the euphoria her touch brings me.
Her tongue glides over my bottom lip and it surprises me so much I jerk away, breathing hard, wanting her, and wondering how she learned to kiss like that. I straighten my glasses and run a hand through my hair, staring at her flushed skin and half-lidded eyes. I jump from the bed before I decide to finish what I started.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” I say with my back to her, my voice harsh. I take deep breaths, willing my body to relax. Not an easy feat.
“Why?” She sounds slightly dazed.
“Because.”
“Because why , Grayson? I don’t understand what’s happening between us. One minute we’re fine, the next we’re not. And then…that was amazing, but now you’re telling me you regret it.”
I whirl around, piercing her in place with my eyes. “You think I regret that?”
Lily swallows, looking down. “Don’t you?”
I clench my fists. “Fuck no!” I almost shout. “That’s the problem. If I didn’t stop when I did, I wouldn’t have wanted to stop.”
Wonder fills her face, her lower lip trembling, and I cannot look at her a second longer. She looks so beautiful. So happy . Like I made her happy. She can’t look at me like that. Whatever Lily is thinking or feeling; she needs to stop . I’m not good enough for her. I will not allow her to think there’s a chance we can be anything other than friends. Good idea then, kissing her and everything. I wince.
“Why did you kiss me?”
I clench my jaw and angle my head away from her gaze. “I don’t know.”
“Why do you hate Garrett?”
I flinch at his name, anger sweeping through me. “We’ve never gotten along.”
Lily crawls to the edge of the bed and stands up. “I know that. I want to know why .”
“I don’t know,” I say again.
“ Why did you kiss me? ” she repeats sharply, standing before me.
I have to end this before it begins. I have to hurt her to help her. I think of the flash of
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