I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies...: How to find love & sh*t like that

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Authors: The Betches
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prospects, or assuming you’re undatable because you work in retail. It’s very rare for a guy to shy away from a girl due to her “station” in life. I mean, a quick scan of the number of waitresses and yoga instructors among the female contestants on The Bachelor will clue you in to the importance most men place on things like jobs that require a bachelor’s degree. When it does, it usually has more to do with her family’s socioeconomic standing than what she actually does for a living.
    When it comes to online dating, you’re going to inevitably wind up going on a ton of shitty dates with guys you regret having wasted an ounce of your Chanel mascara on. But dating is really a numbers game, and using the Internet to meet more men ups your chances of meeting someone you really like. It’s tempting to want to come home and check out with a bottle of wine and an Us Weekly after a long day pretending to do work at the office, but resist that urge. You can’t win if you’re not in the game.
    That being said, treat online dating as a fun, light distraction from your regular week. Make sure you’re still maintaining your social life and don’t ever cancel an actual fun event or happy hour so you can meet a stranger you met on the Internet. Treat dating like you would any other aspect of your life, casually. There will be some good times and some bad times, but the best part of going on a ton of shitty first dates is that you don’t have to pay for any of them.
    You’ve got a lot of shit going on in your life. If you happen to meet a surprisingly cute, interesting rando online whom you wouldn’t have met otherwise because your resting betch face is too intimidating at the bars, online dating has worked its magic. Plus, what else are you doing on a Tuesday night?
    What Guys Think of Your Profile by Head Pro
    Online dating is like signing Ellen DeGeneres to be the face of CoverGirl Cosmetics: Seemingly insane, but surprisingly effective. By now just about all of us have dabbled in online dating in one form or another, and that’s great. After all, “online dating” really just means using the Internet as a way to meet people in real life. If we use the Internet for ordering groceries, takeout, and dildos, why not use it to order up someone to fuck, right? If for whatever reason it still sounds unappetizing to you, consider this: People tend not to hide their crazy on the Internet. If a guy talks about being “red pill” or “alpha” and has strong opinions about how women in the workplace are ruining things for men, he’s a lot more likely to express those sentiments up front online than he is in person. It’s a lot better to find these things out right away, rather than three dates in when you’re chained to someone’s radiator, left to contemplate the series of decisions that led you to that moment.
    Most online dating seems pretty straightforward, but as with oral sex and pronouncing the word “aluminum” in the UK, people manage to fuck up the simplest things. The universe of online dating profiles is a triage room of banal biographies, uninteresting “interests,” and photos of people taken during the W. administration. It’s no surprise, then, that the online dating experience often leaves people feeling like theyjust masturbated during a church service—sullied and only half fulfilled. But your online dating experience doesn’t have to suck, provided you can make your profile not suck. And you can, in fact, make your profile suck-free, provided you adhere to the following guidelines for what guys look for in online dating profiles.
    Screen Name
    Surprisingly, this matters. Researchers at Queen Mary University of London found that generally, screen names beginning with letters in the first half of the alphabet are more successful. Avoid words with negative connotations (“little,” “chubby,” etc.), and the same research showed that men are more likely to click on names containing words

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