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Authors: Nicholas Boothman
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and turning are easily
synchronized.
Head tilts and nods. These are the simplest movements to synchronize. Fashion photographers know that most of
the “feel” of a terrific cover shot comes from the “innuendo” created by subtle tilts and
nods of the head. Sure, the face is important, but it's the angles that carry the message.
Pay close attention to them. Most good physicians and therapists find that they
synchronize tilts and nods without giving it a second thought. It says “I hear you, I see
what you're saying and I feel for you.”
Facial expressions. Along with tilts and nods, synchronized facial expressions show agreement and
understanding. They come naturally. When he smiles at you, your natural inclination is to
smile back. When she shows wide-eyed surprise, give it back to her. Look around at the
next luncheon or dinner you attend, and notice how those with the deepest rapport are
doing it all the time. It's an easy and natural, surefire way to make someone like you in
90 seconds or less. You can match the same amount and same style of eye contact. It may be
fleeting, or direct or coy; whatever it is, pick up on it and return it in the same way.
Breathing. Pay attention to breathing. Is it fast or slow? Is it high in the chest, low in the chest
or from the abdomen? You can usually tell how people are breathing by watching their
shoulders or the folds in their clothing. Synchronizing their breathing can be soothing
and comforting to them.
How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less
In and Out of Sync
For this exercise, you will need two other people: A and B. A is the first to do the
actions; B synchronizes with A's actions. You start off as the director.
Sitting, standing or walking, A and B converse casually about anything they want. A makes
a point of moving about enough to give B some body movements and gestures to
synchronize. After about a minute, tell them to break synchrony. At this point, B
deliberately mismatches A's movements. After another minute or so, instruct B to get into
sync again. Then, after another minute, get them to break once more. Finally, have them
get back in sync before finishing.
Now switch places with A or B. Keep rotating so that each one of you assumes a different
role in the exercise. Compare notes at the end of each rotation. The comments will most
likely be similar to these: “When I broke synchronization, it was as if a huge wall had
been erected between us” and “When we stopped synchronizing, the level of trust plummeted.”
You can also try this out on your own. Synchronize someone for a couple of minutes, then
deliberately mismatch his or her movements for one minute before getting back -*
into synchrony again. Go in and out at will and notice the difference; it will be
tangible.
Leading When you're sitting and talking with a friend, one of you might cross a leg and
the other might do the same without thinking. This means that one of you is following
the other's lead, which is a sure sign that the two of you are in rapport.
As you quickly become proficient at synchronizing, you can test to find out just how
well your rapport is going. After three or four minutes, regardless of what has gone
before and without the other person being aware of what you're doing, make a subtle move
that's independent of your synchronizinglean back or cross your arms and perhaps tilt
your head. If the other person follows, then you are synchronized and have rapport and the
other person is now subconsciously following your lead. If you tilt your head, she tilts hers. If you cross your legs, he crosses his.
Just change what you're doingmake a movement, alter your vocal toneand observe whether the
other person matches or mirrors you. This way you can check to see if you are in rapport.
If the other person doesn't follow your lead, go back to synchronizing his or her
synchronized.
Head tilts and nods. These are the simplest movements to synchronize. Fashion photographers know that most of
the “feel” of a terrific cover shot comes from the “innuendo” created by subtle tilts and
nods of the head. Sure, the face is important, but it's the angles that carry the message.
Pay close attention to them. Most good physicians and therapists find that they
synchronize tilts and nods without giving it a second thought. It says “I hear you, I see
what you're saying and I feel for you.”
Facial expressions. Along with tilts and nods, synchronized facial expressions show agreement and
understanding. They come naturally. When he smiles at you, your natural inclination is to
smile back. When she shows wide-eyed surprise, give it back to her. Look around at the
next luncheon or dinner you attend, and notice how those with the deepest rapport are
doing it all the time. It's an easy and natural, surefire way to make someone like you in
90 seconds or less. You can match the same amount and same style of eye contact. It may be
fleeting, or direct or coy; whatever it is, pick up on it and return it in the same way.
Breathing. Pay attention to breathing. Is it fast or slow? Is it high in the chest, low in the chest
or from the abdomen? You can usually tell how people are breathing by watching their
shoulders or the folds in their clothing. Synchronizing their breathing can be soothing
and comforting to them.
How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less
In and Out of Sync
For this exercise, you will need two other people: A and B. A is the first to do the
actions; B synchronizes with A's actions. You start off as the director.
Sitting, standing or walking, A and B converse casually about anything they want. A makes
a point of moving about enough to give B some body movements and gestures to
synchronize. After about a minute, tell them to break synchrony. At this point, B
deliberately mismatches A's movements. After another minute or so, instruct B to get into
sync again. Then, after another minute, get them to break once more. Finally, have them
get back in sync before finishing.
Now switch places with A or B. Keep rotating so that each one of you assumes a different
role in the exercise. Compare notes at the end of each rotation. The comments will most
likely be similar to these: “When I broke synchronization, it was as if a huge wall had
been erected between us” and “When we stopped synchronizing, the level of trust plummeted.”
You can also try this out on your own. Synchronize someone for a couple of minutes, then
deliberately mismatch his or her movements for one minute before getting back -*
into synchrony again. Go in and out at will and notice the difference; it will be
tangible.
Leading When you're sitting and talking with a friend, one of you might cross a leg and
the other might do the same without thinking. This means that one of you is following
the other's lead, which is a sure sign that the two of you are in rapport.
As you quickly become proficient at synchronizing, you can test to find out just how
well your rapport is going. After three or four minutes, regardless of what has gone
before and without the other person being aware of what you're doing, make a subtle move
that's independent of your synchronizinglean back or cross your arms and perhaps tilt
your head. If the other person follows, then you are synchronized and have rapport and the
other person is now subconsciously following your lead. If you tilt your head, she tilts hers. If you cross your legs, he crosses his.
Just change what you're doingmake a movement, alter your vocal toneand observe whether the
other person matches or mirrors you. This way you can check to see if you are in rapport.
If the other person doesn't follow your lead, go back to synchronizing his or her
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