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Authors: Nicholas Boothman
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Szabobut in a completely nonthreatening way. He used similar arm gestures,
tonality, pauses and attitude, and he even jabbed Mr. Szabo on the shoulder as he said,
“You're absolutely right.”
As they talked back and forth for a minute or so, Paul calmed down his own gestures,
and Mr. Szabo followed. When they finished talking, Mr. Szabo put his arm around Paul's
shoulder and led him to the end of the aisle. There he collared one of the store staff and
said to him, “Give this man any help he needs.”
Paul had successfully joined Mr. Szabo in his world and led him quickly, skillfully and
respectfully to his own desired outcome.
the best way to handle a bully, a shy person, a cornplainer or someone who is arrogant
or overly aggressive. It is not the purpose of this book to give detailed instructions
on dealing with difficult people, but here are some guidelines.
Rule number one when encountering a difficult person is to ask yourself this question:
“Do I really need to deal with this person?” If the answer is no, then leave him or her
alone. If the answer is yes, ask yourself what it is that you want. What is your desired outcome? Not what is it that you don't want. (Remember KFC?)
When synchronizing “difficult people,” it's vital that you do it in a nonthreatening way.
Once you have matched your body and tone with theirs, you can begin to “lead” them out of
it. Unfold your arms, relax your shoulders and check to see if they follow your lead; if
they don't, get back into your original position for a minute or so and try again.
A word about shy people: try to find out what they're interested in. Synchronize their body movements and voice
tone, and unhurriedly ask them lots of open-ended questions (see the next chapter) until
you get a glimmer of enthusiasm. Take on their attitude, and then little by little lead
them out of it. Lean or sit forward and see if they follow; if not, go back to where you
were and synchronize any little thing you can. You'll be surprised at how well this
works.
When do I start synchronizing? Try not to let more than two or three seconds go by before you start. Rememher the sequence in Chapter 2: Open
(Really Useful Attitude and open body language)Heart (pointed at the person)Eye (first
with the eye contact)Beam (first with the smile)“Hi!” (introduce yourself)Lean (indicate
interest as you start synchronizing).
Anything that increases the common ground and reduces the distance between you and the
other person is a good thing. And the quickest way to accomplish this is to synchronize as many of the
other person's aspects as you canadopt the same attitude, make the same motions and speak
the same way.
How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less
Synchronizing Attitude
Synchronizing attitudeor multiple congruity, to give it its scientific nametakes into
account location and mood. It is also frequently supportive, as when a friend is
challenged and you “take a stand” with him, or a parent deeply relates to a child's
problem with a class assignment, or you share the exhilaration your partner feels over a
promotion. When people “go through things together,” they will often be synchronized right
down to primal sighs of despair or shouts of joy.
Pick up on other people's feelings. Synchronize their movements, breathing pattern and
expression as you “deeply identify” with them. Tune in to the overall mood suggested by
their voice and reflect it back.
synchronizing Body Language
As you already know, body language accounts for 55% of our communication. It is the most
obvious, easiest and most rewarding feature to synchronize on your way to rapport. If you
get nothing else out of this book but the ability to synchronize other people's body
language, you'll be miles ahead of where you were last month.
How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less
DOINGWHAT COMES
tonality, pauses and attitude, and he even jabbed Mr. Szabo on the shoulder as he said,
“You're absolutely right.”
As they talked back and forth for a minute or so, Paul calmed down his own gestures,
and Mr. Szabo followed. When they finished talking, Mr. Szabo put his arm around Paul's
shoulder and led him to the end of the aisle. There he collared one of the store staff and
said to him, “Give this man any help he needs.”
Paul had successfully joined Mr. Szabo in his world and led him quickly, skillfully and
respectfully to his own desired outcome.
the best way to handle a bully, a shy person, a cornplainer or someone who is arrogant
or overly aggressive. It is not the purpose of this book to give detailed instructions
on dealing with difficult people, but here are some guidelines.
Rule number one when encountering a difficult person is to ask yourself this question:
“Do I really need to deal with this person?” If the answer is no, then leave him or her
alone. If the answer is yes, ask yourself what it is that you want. What is your desired outcome? Not what is it that you don't want. (Remember KFC?)
When synchronizing “difficult people,” it's vital that you do it in a nonthreatening way.
Once you have matched your body and tone with theirs, you can begin to “lead” them out of
it. Unfold your arms, relax your shoulders and check to see if they follow your lead; if
they don't, get back into your original position for a minute or so and try again.
A word about shy people: try to find out what they're interested in. Synchronize their body movements and voice
tone, and unhurriedly ask them lots of open-ended questions (see the next chapter) until
you get a glimmer of enthusiasm. Take on their attitude, and then little by little lead
them out of it. Lean or sit forward and see if they follow; if not, go back to where you
were and synchronize any little thing you can. You'll be surprised at how well this
works.
When do I start synchronizing? Try not to let more than two or three seconds go by before you start. Rememher the sequence in Chapter 2: Open
(Really Useful Attitude and open body language)Heart (pointed at the person)Eye (first
with the eye contact)Beam (first with the smile)“Hi!” (introduce yourself)Lean (indicate
interest as you start synchronizing).
Anything that increases the common ground and reduces the distance between you and the
other person is a good thing. And the quickest way to accomplish this is to synchronize as many of the
other person's aspects as you canadopt the same attitude, make the same motions and speak
the same way.
How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less
Synchronizing Attitude
Synchronizing attitudeor multiple congruity, to give it its scientific nametakes into
account location and mood. It is also frequently supportive, as when a friend is
challenged and you “take a stand” with him, or a parent deeply relates to a child's
problem with a class assignment, or you share the exhilaration your partner feels over a
promotion. When people “go through things together,” they will often be synchronized right
down to primal sighs of despair or shouts of joy.
Pick up on other people's feelings. Synchronize their movements, breathing pattern and
expression as you “deeply identify” with them. Tune in to the overall mood suggested by
their voice and reflect it back.
synchronizing Body Language
As you already know, body language accounts for 55% of our communication. It is the most
obvious, easiest and most rewarding feature to synchronize on your way to rapport. If you
get nothing else out of this book but the ability to synchronize other people's body
language, you'll be miles ahead of where you were last month.
How to Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less
DOINGWHAT COMES
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