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Authors: Nicholas Boothman
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NATURALLY
Dave was out looking for an anniversary present for his wife. He had whittled his
thinking down to two ideas. It was to be either the very latest palmtop computer or a painting to hang in their breakfast room. From where Dave parked his car
at the shopping mall, it was more convenient to visit the computer store first. Fortunately, it was midmorning and the store wasn't too busy. Dave approached the counter, where a salesman in a dark suit was nodding and smiling. So far, so good. As
the salesman started to explain the differences in all the latest models, he lifted his
right leg and plunked it on a low stool that was somewhere next to him. Then he leaned
thoughtfully on his right knee and continued with his explanations. Suddenly Dave
couldn't wait to get out of there. It wasn't that he lacked interest, it was just that the
macho, leg-raised position was completely out of sync with his own posture and it made him feel uncomfortable.-*
Synchronizing body language falls into two loose groupings: matching, which means doing the same thing as the other person (she moves her left hand, you move
your left hand), and mirroring, which means, as it implies, moving as if you were watching the other person in a mirror
(he moves his left hand, you move your right).
It was a completely different story at the art gallery. Dave stopped before a painting
that took his fancy and adopted a contemplative stance: weight on one leg, arms folded but
with one hand on his chin and a finger hooked around his lips. After maybe a minute, he
became aware of somebody standing quietly next to him and heard a soft, supportive voice
say simply, “Nice, isn't it?”
“Yes, it is,” Dave replied in a pensive voice.
“Let me know if I can help you,” said the lady at his side. She withdrew to another part
of the gallery.
Within five minutes, Dave had bought the painting. It seemed the natural thing to do.
Dave felt comfortable just looking at the painting. The woman had slipped in beside
him, taken on the same body language as his and dropped into the same attitude. She made a
seamless connection by exercising perfect, effortless synchrony: 55% body language, 38% voice tone and 7% wordsthe three
“Vs.”
Maybe you're thinking, But won't other people notice that I'm copying their behavior? Actually, they won't, unless the copying is blatant. Remember, your movements must be
subtle and respectful. If someone sticks a finger in his ear and you do the same, then
yes, he'll probably notice that. But when a person is focused on a conversation, he or she will not pick up on subtle synchronizing.
Particular gestures. Hand and arm movements are especially easy and natural to synchronize by matching and
mirroring. Some folks raise their shoulders when they talk; others wave their hands around
as they express themselves. Do whatever they do. If you find it uncomfortable at first,
then go at it a little at a time until with practice you become an expert synchronizer.
Just the fact that you're noticing these different types of gestures is a big step in
the direction of making people like you in 90 seconds or less.
Body posture. Overall posture is known as the attitude of the body. It shows how people present them
selves and is a good indicator of emotional state. That is why we sometimes refer to it as
“adopting a posture.” When you can accurately adopt a person's posture, you can get a fair
idea of how he or she feels.
Overall body movements. Whether it's a job interview or striking up a conversation at the museum fund-raiser,
observe the person's overall body movements, then gently mirror or match them. If he has a
leg crossed, then cross a leg; if he's leaning against the grand piano, do it, too. If
she's sitting sideways on the banquette, sit sideways; if she's standing with her hands
on her hips, do the same. Body movements like leaning, walking
Dave was out looking for an anniversary present for his wife. He had whittled his
thinking down to two ideas. It was to be either the very latest palmtop computer or a painting to hang in their breakfast room. From where Dave parked his car
at the shopping mall, it was more convenient to visit the computer store first. Fortunately, it was midmorning and the store wasn't too busy. Dave approached the counter, where a salesman in a dark suit was nodding and smiling. So far, so good. As
the salesman started to explain the differences in all the latest models, he lifted his
right leg and plunked it on a low stool that was somewhere next to him. Then he leaned
thoughtfully on his right knee and continued with his explanations. Suddenly Dave
couldn't wait to get out of there. It wasn't that he lacked interest, it was just that the
macho, leg-raised position was completely out of sync with his own posture and it made him feel uncomfortable.-*
Synchronizing body language falls into two loose groupings: matching, which means doing the same thing as the other person (she moves her left hand, you move
your left hand), and mirroring, which means, as it implies, moving as if you were watching the other person in a mirror
(he moves his left hand, you move your right).
It was a completely different story at the art gallery. Dave stopped before a painting
that took his fancy and adopted a contemplative stance: weight on one leg, arms folded but
with one hand on his chin and a finger hooked around his lips. After maybe a minute, he
became aware of somebody standing quietly next to him and heard a soft, supportive voice
say simply, “Nice, isn't it?”
“Yes, it is,” Dave replied in a pensive voice.
“Let me know if I can help you,” said the lady at his side. She withdrew to another part
of the gallery.
Within five minutes, Dave had bought the painting. It seemed the natural thing to do.
Dave felt comfortable just looking at the painting. The woman had slipped in beside
him, taken on the same body language as his and dropped into the same attitude. She made a
seamless connection by exercising perfect, effortless synchrony: 55% body language, 38% voice tone and 7% wordsthe three
“Vs.”
Maybe you're thinking, But won't other people notice that I'm copying their behavior? Actually, they won't, unless the copying is blatant. Remember, your movements must be
subtle and respectful. If someone sticks a finger in his ear and you do the same, then
yes, he'll probably notice that. But when a person is focused on a conversation, he or she will not pick up on subtle synchronizing.
Particular gestures. Hand and arm movements are especially easy and natural to synchronize by matching and
mirroring. Some folks raise their shoulders when they talk; others wave their hands around
as they express themselves. Do whatever they do. If you find it uncomfortable at first,
then go at it a little at a time until with practice you become an expert synchronizer.
Just the fact that you're noticing these different types of gestures is a big step in
the direction of making people like you in 90 seconds or less.
Body posture. Overall posture is known as the attitude of the body. It shows how people present them
selves and is a good indicator of emotional state. That is why we sometimes refer to it as
“adopting a posture.” When you can accurately adopt a person's posture, you can get a fair
idea of how he or she feels.
Overall body movements. Whether it's a job interview or striking up a conversation at the museum fund-raiser,
observe the person's overall body movements, then gently mirror or match them. If he has a
leg crossed, then cross a leg; if he's leaning against the grand piano, do it, too. If
she's sitting sideways on the banquette, sit sideways; if she's standing with her hands
on her hips, do the same. Body movements like leaning, walking
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