Read Online Hostile Takeover by Patrick E. McLean - Free Book Online
Authors: Patrick E. McLean
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justification all in one.
"Nah. Spending money is fun. And if you can figure out how we can spend money without making it, then you'll really be a genius."
"I'll give it some thought," Edwin said quietly. "No, the reason I've called you here is that I need you to start obeying the rules."
"Obeying the rules?" Topper said, his strange high-pitched voice rocketing up to the top of his range. "Who do you think I am?"
"I think you are Topper Haggleblat, my attorney and partner."
"Have I ever, I mean EVER, obeyed the rules?'
"No, but what I mean to—“
"I'm not an obey-the-rules kind of guy. On a good day, I'm a bend-the-rules kind of guy. On great day, I stomp up and down on the rules until they fit my client's needs. Right? I mean, that's why you hired me. I mean, that's why we are partners."
"You are very talented, Topper. No one is denying that, it's just—"
"I get it. You're just pissed about the other day. You think he's not going to pay."
Edwin held up a check from General Business Machines. "No, it's not that at all."
"Oh, hot damn, payday! See, I still got it."
"You still have it," Edwin nodded his head as he closed his eyes. It gave the phrase an air of solemn pronouncement. "But unfortunately, I don't need it anymore."
"Wh-wh-whattaya mean? Are you firing me? You can't fire me. I came in here to quit. Damn it!" Topper shouted, so violently he almost fell out of his chair, "How are you always a step ahead of me?!"
"Topper, calm down. Take a breath. Before you do this, look around you. Consider that we have accomplished great things together."
Topper looked around Edwin's office, "We haven't accomplished a couch and a couple of throw pillows for your aircraft hangar here."
Edwin kept right on, tired of Topper's endless and pointless digressions.
"Your skills have been instrumental in the creation of our enterprise. From your early work with the Cromoglodon to the way you drove a bulldozer through the house of the New Jersey Insurance Commissioner's house."
"Oh, yeah," Topper said, a genuine smile breaking though. "And don't forget, that bulldozer was on fire at the time."
Edwin looked at the ceiling, straining to keep a complimentary tone in the face of the phrase that was about to escape his lips. "The way you placed fake train tracks leading to a photorealistic picture of a tunnel mounted on the side of a granite cliff in the Catskills to trick the world's fastest man into..." Edwin stopped speaking, for there were no words. It shouldn't have worked. A thing like that simply couldn't have worked. It was too obvious. It was too stupid. But for Topper, somehow, it came off without a hitch.
"Hey, he was in a hurry. Hey, and don't forget the best part, after he knocked himself unconscious, after I got the microchip back, I broke his legs! Teach him to call me stubby legged and slow. Just 'cause a guy can't break the sound barrier when he's running out for smokes doesn't mean he's less of a man, you know what I'm saying?"
Edwin, in fact, had no idea what Topper was saying, or why. "Your methods are too crude, my friend. They are the tools of war, and we are no longer at war. We have won."
"Won? Is this what victory looks like? An office park? Edwin, you gotta be kidding me here."
"In the last 24 hours I have been asked to join the boards of directors for no fewer than five of the Fortune Fifty. Do you know what that means?"
"That means that the other forty-five companies are about to catch a beating from the Almighty Bottom-Line Wrecker, The ONE, The ONLY, THEEEEEEEEEE… CROMOGLODON!!"
"No, Topper, it means we don't need the Cromoglodon anymore. They are surrendering. They are seeking to co-opt me. Paying, and having me on the board, gives them immunity." Edwin dropped an immense binder onto the far side of his desk. It made a substantial thud. "It is time for a different way."
"That's the policy and procedures manual?"
Edwin dropped another immense binder on top of the first one. "This one is
"Nah. Spending money is fun. And if you can figure out how we can spend money without making it, then you'll really be a genius."
"I'll give it some thought," Edwin said quietly. "No, the reason I've called you here is that I need you to start obeying the rules."
"Obeying the rules?" Topper said, his strange high-pitched voice rocketing up to the top of his range. "Who do you think I am?"
"I think you are Topper Haggleblat, my attorney and partner."
"Have I ever, I mean EVER, obeyed the rules?'
"No, but what I mean to—“
"I'm not an obey-the-rules kind of guy. On a good day, I'm a bend-the-rules kind of guy. On great day, I stomp up and down on the rules until they fit my client's needs. Right? I mean, that's why you hired me. I mean, that's why we are partners."
"You are very talented, Topper. No one is denying that, it's just—"
"I get it. You're just pissed about the other day. You think he's not going to pay."
Edwin held up a check from General Business Machines. "No, it's not that at all."
"Oh, hot damn, payday! See, I still got it."
"You still have it," Edwin nodded his head as he closed his eyes. It gave the phrase an air of solemn pronouncement. "But unfortunately, I don't need it anymore."
"Wh-wh-whattaya mean? Are you firing me? You can't fire me. I came in here to quit. Damn it!" Topper shouted, so violently he almost fell out of his chair, "How are you always a step ahead of me?!"
"Topper, calm down. Take a breath. Before you do this, look around you. Consider that we have accomplished great things together."
Topper looked around Edwin's office, "We haven't accomplished a couch and a couple of throw pillows for your aircraft hangar here."
Edwin kept right on, tired of Topper's endless and pointless digressions.
"Your skills have been instrumental in the creation of our enterprise. From your early work with the Cromoglodon to the way you drove a bulldozer through the house of the New Jersey Insurance Commissioner's house."
"Oh, yeah," Topper said, a genuine smile breaking though. "And don't forget, that bulldozer was on fire at the time."
Edwin looked at the ceiling, straining to keep a complimentary tone in the face of the phrase that was about to escape his lips. "The way you placed fake train tracks leading to a photorealistic picture of a tunnel mounted on the side of a granite cliff in the Catskills to trick the world's fastest man into..." Edwin stopped speaking, for there were no words. It shouldn't have worked. A thing like that simply couldn't have worked. It was too obvious. It was too stupid. But for Topper, somehow, it came off without a hitch.
"Hey, he was in a hurry. Hey, and don't forget the best part, after he knocked himself unconscious, after I got the microchip back, I broke his legs! Teach him to call me stubby legged and slow. Just 'cause a guy can't break the sound barrier when he's running out for smokes doesn't mean he's less of a man, you know what I'm saying?"
Edwin, in fact, had no idea what Topper was saying, or why. "Your methods are too crude, my friend. They are the tools of war, and we are no longer at war. We have won."
"Won? Is this what victory looks like? An office park? Edwin, you gotta be kidding me here."
"In the last 24 hours I have been asked to join the boards of directors for no fewer than five of the Fortune Fifty. Do you know what that means?"
"That means that the other forty-five companies are about to catch a beating from the Almighty Bottom-Line Wrecker, The ONE, The ONLY, THEEEEEEEEEE… CROMOGLODON!!"
"No, Topper, it means we don't need the Cromoglodon anymore. They are surrendering. They are seeking to co-opt me. Paying, and having me on the board, gives them immunity." Edwin dropped an immense binder onto the far side of his desk. It made a substantial thud. "It is time for a different way."
"That's the policy and procedures manual?"
Edwin dropped another immense binder on top of the first one. "This one is
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