wasn’t cost-efficient and would have a negative impact on the budget. ‘But we’re demons,’ I told it at the time. ‘Negative is what we do!’”
“What did it say to that?” the first voice asked.
“It just shrugged and said the lord insisted on a nonegativity policy and a very strict budget, and if I had problems with that, I’d have to take it up with her. Well, you can see what she’s like!”
I could feel the speakers eyeballing me. I made an effort to pull myself together, absently noting that something was cold beneath my cheek.
The first voice tsked. “They’re just not making demon lords the way they used to, are they?”
“I hope to god they aren’t.” I opened my eyes and lifted my head to find myself on a familiar gray marble floor. Next to my head were two pairs of shoes. I winced as I tilted my head back to see the speakers. “Hello, Saris. And you’re…”
“Caron, my lord,” the first speaker said, bowing stiffly. “Greetings, Lord Aisling. Traci did not inform us that you would be paying a visit to Abaddon.”
I heaved myself off the floor, trying not to retch again as another wave of nausea hit me. “This isn’t a planned visit. Someone zapped me here.”
“Someone…zapped you?” the demon named Saris asked.
“Yeah. Jim, I summon thee.” I staggered over to the red velvet fainting couch that I remembered sitting in the room which used to belong to Ariton. My demon doggy appeared with a look of surprise on its face.
“Man, Ash! Your uncle is going bonkers on the streets of London! Hi, Caron. Hey, Saris. Long time no see.”
Both demons bowed at the sight of Jim. “Greetings and welcome, Effrijim.”
Jim grinned. “I could get used to being your second-in-command.”
“Enjoy it while you can, it’s not going to last,” I said, checking my body for any injuries. “Did you see the tourist?”
“Only about a gazillion of them. Which one in particular did you mean?”
“The one who slam-dunked me here.”
“Oh, her. Long curly blond hair, lots of shopping bags?”
“Yeah. What the hell did she do? All I saw was a silver ward, and whammo!”
Jim pursed its lips and glanced toward the open door, where Saris and Caron stood. “Not in front of the emonsday,” it said.
“Thanks, guys,” I said with what I hoped was a confident, in-control smile. “I won’t be needing you any longer. I’m just going to be on my way as soon as I catch my breath.”
The two demons looked at each other, then nodded and left. Jim padded over and pushed the door closed. “Jeez, Aisling, you want people to think you’re a noob or something?”
“A noob?”
“Newbie. Boob. Idget.”
“I get the meaning, thanks.” Still a bit shaky, I hauled myself up and looked around the room, trying to decide which was the best place to rip open a passage to get us back to the shop. “And I’d like to point out that if I am a newbie about some things, it’s because no one tells me anything. I have to find out stuff the hard way.”
“Whatever. The first rule of successful prince-of-Abaddoning is that you never want your legions to know that you don’t know what’s going on. Word gets around fast here. First thing you know, all the other demon lords will be getting a plan together to get rid of you.”
“Like I’d complain about that?” I touched the nearest wall. It didn’t feel any different than a normal wall.
“Permanently,” it added.
“That’s fine by me. I don’t want to come back.”
“Think long and hard about the words ‘get rid of you’ because in this case, they could well be literal.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Point taken. What did I do that was so wrong?”
“The chick who banished you?” Jim said, clearly expecting me to get some other point.
I stopped hunting for the weak spot in the room and thought about the woman. I’d never seen her before, so Jim must be referring to something about her rather than the person herself.
“She’d drawn
“What did it say to that?” the first voice asked.
“It just shrugged and said the lord insisted on a nonegativity policy and a very strict budget, and if I had problems with that, I’d have to take it up with her. Well, you can see what she’s like!”
I could feel the speakers eyeballing me. I made an effort to pull myself together, absently noting that something was cold beneath my cheek.
The first voice tsked. “They’re just not making demon lords the way they used to, are they?”
“I hope to god they aren’t.” I opened my eyes and lifted my head to find myself on a familiar gray marble floor. Next to my head were two pairs of shoes. I winced as I tilted my head back to see the speakers. “Hello, Saris. And you’re…”
“Caron, my lord,” the first speaker said, bowing stiffly. “Greetings, Lord Aisling. Traci did not inform us that you would be paying a visit to Abaddon.”
I heaved myself off the floor, trying not to retch again as another wave of nausea hit me. “This isn’t a planned visit. Someone zapped me here.”
“Someone…zapped you?” the demon named Saris asked.
“Yeah. Jim, I summon thee.” I staggered over to the red velvet fainting couch that I remembered sitting in the room which used to belong to Ariton. My demon doggy appeared with a look of surprise on its face.
“Man, Ash! Your uncle is going bonkers on the streets of London! Hi, Caron. Hey, Saris. Long time no see.”
Both demons bowed at the sight of Jim. “Greetings and welcome, Effrijim.”
Jim grinned. “I could get used to being your second-in-command.”
“Enjoy it while you can, it’s not going to last,” I said, checking my body for any injuries. “Did you see the tourist?”
“Only about a gazillion of them. Which one in particular did you mean?”
“The one who slam-dunked me here.”
“Oh, her. Long curly blond hair, lots of shopping bags?”
“Yeah. What the hell did she do? All I saw was a silver ward, and whammo!”
Jim pursed its lips and glanced toward the open door, where Saris and Caron stood. “Not in front of the emonsday,” it said.
“Thanks, guys,” I said with what I hoped was a confident, in-control smile. “I won’t be needing you any longer. I’m just going to be on my way as soon as I catch my breath.”
The two demons looked at each other, then nodded and left. Jim padded over and pushed the door closed. “Jeez, Aisling, you want people to think you’re a noob or something?”
“A noob?”
“Newbie. Boob. Idget.”
“I get the meaning, thanks.” Still a bit shaky, I hauled myself up and looked around the room, trying to decide which was the best place to rip open a passage to get us back to the shop. “And I’d like to point out that if I am a newbie about some things, it’s because no one tells me anything. I have to find out stuff the hard way.”
“Whatever. The first rule of successful prince-of-Abaddoning is that you never want your legions to know that you don’t know what’s going on. Word gets around fast here. First thing you know, all the other demon lords will be getting a plan together to get rid of you.”
“Like I’d complain about that?” I touched the nearest wall. It didn’t feel any different than a normal wall.
“Permanently,” it added.
“That’s fine by me. I don’t want to come back.”
“Think long and hard about the words ‘get rid of you’ because in this case, they could well be literal.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Point taken. What did I do that was so wrong?”
“The chick who banished you?” Jim said, clearly expecting me to get some other point.
I stopped hunting for the weak spot in the room and thought about the woman. I’d never seen her before, so Jim must be referring to something about her rather than the person herself.
“She’d drawn
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