Read Online Holy Smokes by Katie MacAlister - Free Book Online Page A

a ward,” I said slowly.
    “Right.”
    “A banishing ward.” A little light dawned in the dusty back corners of my brain. “Oh my god. She was a Guardian!”
    “Bingo!”
    I stared at Jim in horror, my skin crawling. “A Guardian banished me. Me! But I’m a Guardian. Can we banish each other? Oh, crap!”
    Jim nodded. “You’re not just a Guardian, you’re a Guardian Plus! Now with extra ‘prince of Abaddon’ cleaning power.”
    I’d like to point out —the dark power’s voice started to say.
    “I have enough on my plate right now!” I snapped at it.
    The voice sulked into silence.
    “Yeah, well, you may just have to deal with it,” Jim said, moseying over to where I’d been standing. “What were you looking for?”
    “I can’t believe another Guardian banished me just because I happen to be a prince of Abaddon. There should be some rule about not banishing demon lords who are also Guardians.”
    Jim cocked an eyebrow. “Like you think this is a normal situation?”
    “Normal? I don’t even know what’s normal anymore,” I fumed, marching around the room while wringing my hands. “And now look, I’m wringing my hands. Have you ever known me to be a hand-wringer? I detest the sort of woman who wrings her hands! It signifies weakness, and lack of coherence, and a totally unprofessional attitude!”
    “And if we know anything about you, it’s that you’re a professional, and you’re confident,” Jim said, nosing a spot on the floor.
    “Damn straight I am!” I yelled, forcing my hands apart so they couldn’t wring themselves. “Look, they’re trying to do it again. It’s like my hands are possessed or something! Dear god, it’s the dark power. The dark power has taken over my hands and is trying to wring me into insanity!”
    “Is this little drama going to take long? ’Cause if it is, I want popcorn and a Diet Coke with extra ice.”
    “You’re not going to like where I put the popcorn and extra ice,” I said, ignoring my possessed hands to glare at the demon with much intent.
    Jim’s eyes widened as it backed away. “You’ve got that evil, slightly insane look down pat. Have you been practicing? We’re talking seriously scary, Ash. Hannibal-Lecter-has-nothing-on-you sort of scary.”
    “Enough banter from you, buster,” I said, trying to pull myself together. “Let’s go over this situation again calmly. One: the dark power has taken over my hands.”
    I have not!
    “Not listening! Two: there is a Guardian out there who can banish me at will. Which means that every other Guardian can probably do the same. Lovely. Just what I need—more people trying to do me in.”
    I slumped down into a chair and thought seriously about crying, but dropped that thought when my hands crept to ward each other.
    “What were you looking for over here?” Jim asked again.
    “I wonder if you can exorcise hands…hmm? Oh, where on the wall was that place I sent you through before. Do you remember?”
    Jim shook its head. “Why are you looking for that particular spot? It have fond memories for you or something?”
    “Hardly. You told me that it was easier to tear the fabric of existence in a spot where it had previously been rent. And I know I sent you through it from this room, but I don’t remember where, exactly.” I glanced at the clock on the mantel, leaping to my feet when I saw the time. “Oh my god. Oh my god! Tell me that clock isn’t right!”
    “That clock isn’t right.”
    Relief made me sag a bit as I dug through my purse looking for my cell phone. “Thank god. I was worried there for a minute that I’d missed the wedding.”
    “You have,” Jim said complacently, snuffling around behind the fainting couch.
    “What? You just told me the clock was wrong!”
    “Yuh-uh. And who ordered me to tell her that?”
    “Gah!” I screamed, punching a speed-dial number into the phone. “Talk about your day from hell…Jim, look around and find the weak spot. I’m not going to