Read Online Hell Hounds Are for Suckers by Jessica McBrayer - Free Book Online
Authors: Jessica McBrayer
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civilized warning. His way of saying don’t fuck up. I hid my smile, behind my champagne flute.
“I’ll take care of her and protect her with my life, I promise you,” Diel said.
I reached up on my tippy toes and he leaned down to kiss me long and hard. Julian cleared his throat with an amused look on his face.
“Now all you have to do is meet my family,” Diel said with a crooked smile.
“Oh no.”
1 . LILITH
“Suicide Prevention, this is Lilith, how can I help you?”
“Hi. Is this where I call to get drugs for anxiety?” a slightly blurred voice asks.
“No ma’am. This is the number you call if you’re having thoughts about harming yourself.”
I try to keep my voice professional as I stare at my featureless grey carpeted cubicle and Formica desk.
“Oh. Oh, I am. I really need the meds, you know, like Xanax? It’s free, right?”
“No ma’am. We can’t help you with that. I can offer you free counseling. Would you like to talk to one of our counselors tomorrow?”
“No, I just want the freaking drugs.”
Click.
Well, so much for caller number one. I hate when we get callers like that. I can’t do anything for them. I know they have problems, just not ones I can help with. We have to keep a complete account of every phone call. I’d rather stick bamboo shoots under my fingernails than do the paper work. As I fill out my log I see my supervisor stalking me… great.
“Lilith, oh Lily…”
“Yes, Meredith?” I say, head down, rolling my eyes.
“Did you fill out your insurance forms yet? You know that if you don’t you can’t get your medical.”
“Ummm, I don’t need medical.” I really don’t need medical.
“Lily, what is this on your desk?” Her voice rises. “You know we can’t have anything personal on our desks. You’re going to have to remove all this stuff.” She sniffs. Her short, chubby self, quivering with outrage.
“It’s only cleaning supplies, Meredith, some handi-wipes and Lysol. I don’t see how this is personal.”
“If you get cleaning supplies then Dan gets pictures of his kids. Remove them.”
I see Dan covertly slide his pictures off his desk out the corner of my eye. At least someone escapes the wrath of Meredith.
She walks away.
Just love her. With all my unbeating heart. I put my supplies in my bag for easy access. It will give me something to tweet about. She doesn’t follow me on Twitter so I can rant. If I didn’t love and feel so strongly about what I do, I’d use those cleaning supplies on her.
The grey painted walls, a school locker grey, not a warm grey or a lovely taupe, do nothing for the beautiful Victorian building where I work. Almost like they try to make it as depressing as possible.
Being among the cubicles, sometimes it’s hard to concentrate on my calls, even with my superior hearing, with all the other calls going on around me. But this is where I come three nights a week to do something that makes me feel good about myself.
The lines are busy tonight. I finish my notes and my line blinks again.
“Suicide Prevention, this is Lilith, how may I help you?”
“Hello dear, it’s Mrs. Gunderson. How are you tonight?”
“Hello, Mrs. Gunderson, I’m fine. How are you feeling? How is Sprinkles?”
“Mr. Sprinkles and I are feeling rather blue. My son was supposed to come and visit today and he canceled at the last minute. He said he had something come up at work. I haven’t seen him in months. It’s always something with him. You’d think he’d want to see his mother.”
“I’m sorry Mrs. Gunderson. That must have been very disappointing. How is Mr. Sprinkles taking it?” Mr. Sprinkles is code for Mrs. Gunderson. She describes his symptoms and I translate them into hers. She’s a long time caller, lonely and often needing to talk. I want to have a serious conversation with her delinquent son.
“Well, Mr. Sprinkles isn’t eating and he is having a hard time sleeping. I’m worried
“I’ll take care of her and protect her with my life, I promise you,” Diel said.
I reached up on my tippy toes and he leaned down to kiss me long and hard. Julian cleared his throat with an amused look on his face.
“Now all you have to do is meet my family,” Diel said with a crooked smile.
“Oh no.”
1 . LILITH
“Suicide Prevention, this is Lilith, how can I help you?”
“Hi. Is this where I call to get drugs for anxiety?” a slightly blurred voice asks.
“No ma’am. This is the number you call if you’re having thoughts about harming yourself.”
I try to keep my voice professional as I stare at my featureless grey carpeted cubicle and Formica desk.
“Oh. Oh, I am. I really need the meds, you know, like Xanax? It’s free, right?”
“No ma’am. We can’t help you with that. I can offer you free counseling. Would you like to talk to one of our counselors tomorrow?”
“No, I just want the freaking drugs.”
Click.
Well, so much for caller number one. I hate when we get callers like that. I can’t do anything for them. I know they have problems, just not ones I can help with. We have to keep a complete account of every phone call. I’d rather stick bamboo shoots under my fingernails than do the paper work. As I fill out my log I see my supervisor stalking me… great.
“Lilith, oh Lily…”
“Yes, Meredith?” I say, head down, rolling my eyes.
“Did you fill out your insurance forms yet? You know that if you don’t you can’t get your medical.”
“Ummm, I don’t need medical.” I really don’t need medical.
“Lily, what is this on your desk?” Her voice rises. “You know we can’t have anything personal on our desks. You’re going to have to remove all this stuff.” She sniffs. Her short, chubby self, quivering with outrage.
“It’s only cleaning supplies, Meredith, some handi-wipes and Lysol. I don’t see how this is personal.”
“If you get cleaning supplies then Dan gets pictures of his kids. Remove them.”
I see Dan covertly slide his pictures off his desk out the corner of my eye. At least someone escapes the wrath of Meredith.
She walks away.
Just love her. With all my unbeating heart. I put my supplies in my bag for easy access. It will give me something to tweet about. She doesn’t follow me on Twitter so I can rant. If I didn’t love and feel so strongly about what I do, I’d use those cleaning supplies on her.
The grey painted walls, a school locker grey, not a warm grey or a lovely taupe, do nothing for the beautiful Victorian building where I work. Almost like they try to make it as depressing as possible.
Being among the cubicles, sometimes it’s hard to concentrate on my calls, even with my superior hearing, with all the other calls going on around me. But this is where I come three nights a week to do something that makes me feel good about myself.
The lines are busy tonight. I finish my notes and my line blinks again.
“Suicide Prevention, this is Lilith, how may I help you?”
“Hello dear, it’s Mrs. Gunderson. How are you tonight?”
“Hello, Mrs. Gunderson, I’m fine. How are you feeling? How is Sprinkles?”
“Mr. Sprinkles and I are feeling rather blue. My son was supposed to come and visit today and he canceled at the last minute. He said he had something come up at work. I haven’t seen him in months. It’s always something with him. You’d think he’d want to see his mother.”
“I’m sorry Mrs. Gunderson. That must have been very disappointing. How is Mr. Sprinkles taking it?” Mr. Sprinkles is code for Mrs. Gunderson. She describes his symptoms and I translate them into hers. She’s a long time caller, lonely and often needing to talk. I want to have a serious conversation with her delinquent son.
“Well, Mr. Sprinkles isn’t eating and he is having a hard time sleeping. I’m worried
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