Read Online God Is Disappointed In You by Mark Russell - Free Book Online
Authors: Mark Russell
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terrified pallbearers ditched their dead loved one into Elisha’s grave by mistake. When the dead man toppled down onto Elisha’s still miraculous corpse, he instantly came back to life. I can only imagine how confused he must have been.
After King Jehu died, Israel’s kings went right back to worshiping foreign gods, and God’s relationship with Israel took a turn for the worse. God was constantly threatening to leave. Eventually, God would make good on his threats. Having finally had enough, God let the Assyrians conquer Israel and evict the population, forever scattering ten of the twelve tribes of Israel.
Judah, Israel’s cousin to the south, was so disturbed by Israel’s demise that the King of Judah immediately called for his nation to recommit itself to God.
There is perhaps no surer sign that a marriage is in serious trouble than when a couple decides to renew their vows. The king of Judah paid for a big, glitzy ceremony at the temple to reaffirm Judah’s dedication to God.
It was a beautiful ceremony and everyone agreed that God looked great. But somehow, the whole thing stunk of forced smiles and masked contempt.
People congratulated and toasted the couple, but as they sipped their sparkling wine and ate their hors d'oeuvres, they secretly chuckled to each other that it would never last.
The 1 st Book of Chronicles
When David was King of Israel, God wasn’t having to constantly bail Israel out the way he used to.
So God refocused his considerable free time and energy on his new hobby: scrapbooking.
He put the priests to work compiling thousands of tidbits for his Precious Memories scrapbook. They gathered enough of these to fill the first nine chapters of Chronicles with birth records, genealogies, and gossipy details on hundreds of people going all the way back to Adam and Eve.
The priests tirelessly assembled volume after volume of sentimental keepsakes.
God decided that he needed a house of his own, someplace where he could relax, keep in touch with friends, and work on his scrapbooks. A place where the priests could be kept stocked with parchment, glue and clip art.
David had come a long way since his days of guarding sheep and playing harp for tips at the palace. He was not only king, but God’s best friend to boot. God and David were inseparable. Once he became king, David hired some movers to bring the Ark of the Covenant to his palace so he and God could be roommates. David imagined all the trouble two guys at the top of their game to get into.
“People will probably give us matching nicknames, like ‘Thunder and Crash,’” he thought. “They’ll say, ‘There they go, Thunder & Crash.’ We’ll totally run the place.”
God was riding the Ark into Jerusalem, sitting on his Mercy Seat, when the road suddenly started getting bumpy. The Ark began slipping around on the ox cart. One of the movers reached up to keep the Ark from falling off, but when he touched it, God immediately struck him dead. God doesn’t like people touching the Ark.
When he heard about this, David wondered if God might not be such a great roommate, after all. So instead of moving the Ark into the palace, he stashed it in a tent where the priests could help God with his scrapbooking, and sacrifice tasty treats to him, and hopefully he wouldn’t kill anyone.
David put together a big parade to celebrate the arrival of the Ark. There was music, burnt offerings, and free cake for everyone. Then he showed God to his tent.
“I thought I was going to live with you,” God said.
“Oh, you wouldn’t like that,” David replied, “I snore, and I’m always walking around the palace naked. Trust me, you’ll be much happier in your own place.”
But God was not happy. God hated camping. He wanted a palace of his own like David’s. So he told David that he should have his son Solomon build him a nice, spacious temple.
“Then I can get down to some serious scrapbooking!” God told
After King Jehu died, Israel’s kings went right back to worshiping foreign gods, and God’s relationship with Israel took a turn for the worse. God was constantly threatening to leave. Eventually, God would make good on his threats. Having finally had enough, God let the Assyrians conquer Israel and evict the population, forever scattering ten of the twelve tribes of Israel.
Judah, Israel’s cousin to the south, was so disturbed by Israel’s demise that the King of Judah immediately called for his nation to recommit itself to God.
There is perhaps no surer sign that a marriage is in serious trouble than when a couple decides to renew their vows. The king of Judah paid for a big, glitzy ceremony at the temple to reaffirm Judah’s dedication to God.
It was a beautiful ceremony and everyone agreed that God looked great. But somehow, the whole thing stunk of forced smiles and masked contempt.
People congratulated and toasted the couple, but as they sipped their sparkling wine and ate their hors d'oeuvres, they secretly chuckled to each other that it would never last.
The 1 st Book of Chronicles
When David was King of Israel, God wasn’t having to constantly bail Israel out the way he used to.
So God refocused his considerable free time and energy on his new hobby: scrapbooking.
He put the priests to work compiling thousands of tidbits for his Precious Memories scrapbook. They gathered enough of these to fill the first nine chapters of Chronicles with birth records, genealogies, and gossipy details on hundreds of people going all the way back to Adam and Eve.
The priests tirelessly assembled volume after volume of sentimental keepsakes.
God decided that he needed a house of his own, someplace where he could relax, keep in touch with friends, and work on his scrapbooks. A place where the priests could be kept stocked with parchment, glue and clip art.
David had come a long way since his days of guarding sheep and playing harp for tips at the palace. He was not only king, but God’s best friend to boot. God and David were inseparable. Once he became king, David hired some movers to bring the Ark of the Covenant to his palace so he and God could be roommates. David imagined all the trouble two guys at the top of their game to get into.
“People will probably give us matching nicknames, like ‘Thunder and Crash,’” he thought. “They’ll say, ‘There they go, Thunder & Crash.’ We’ll totally run the place.”
God was riding the Ark into Jerusalem, sitting on his Mercy Seat, when the road suddenly started getting bumpy. The Ark began slipping around on the ox cart. One of the movers reached up to keep the Ark from falling off, but when he touched it, God immediately struck him dead. God doesn’t like people touching the Ark.
When he heard about this, David wondered if God might not be such a great roommate, after all. So instead of moving the Ark into the palace, he stashed it in a tent where the priests could help God with his scrapbooking, and sacrifice tasty treats to him, and hopefully he wouldn’t kill anyone.
David put together a big parade to celebrate the arrival of the Ark. There was music, burnt offerings, and free cake for everyone. Then he showed God to his tent.
“I thought I was going to live with you,” God said.
“Oh, you wouldn’t like that,” David replied, “I snore, and I’m always walking around the palace naked. Trust me, you’ll be much happier in your own place.”
But God was not happy. God hated camping. He wanted a palace of his own like David’s. So he told David that he should have his son Solomon build him a nice, spacious temple.
“Then I can get down to some serious scrapbooking!” God told
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