Read Online Get Smart 8 - Max Smart Loses Control by William Johnston - Free Book Online
Authors: William Johnston
Tags: Tv Tie-Ins
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at once?”
“Yell ‘stick-’em-up’ very loudly.”
99 shook her head. “It wouldn’t work, Max.”
“99, you haven’t heard the whole plan. Before I yell ‘stick-’em-up’ very loudly, I’m going to inundate the town with a special hypnotizing vapor. Every person in town will be immobilized and under my spell. When I yell ‘stick-’em-up,’ believe me, they’ll stick-’em-up.”
“And then what, Max?”
“Then, 99, I’ll go from person to person, robbing each one as I move along. It’s a cinch. Anything is possible with careful planning.”
99 thought for a moment, then said, “Well, Max, much as I hate to admit it, it does sound like a perfect plan. But, Max, it’s wrong to rob people.”
“99, some things are bigger than the law. There is a higher duty, you know. Just because a law is on the books, that doesn’t guarantee that it’s right or just. I ask you, 99, in all fairness, is it right to stop a man from robbing people when he has a golden opportunity to hit a jackpot?”
“Well . . .”
“Don’t try to talk me out of it, 99. My mind is made up. Nothing can stop me.”
“All right, Max,” 99 said sadly. “It’s wrong, but . . . Well, I guess you don’t really realize what you’re doing. You have the fever so bad, you don’t know right from wrong anymore. I won’t try to stop you, Max.”
“Good, 99. Now . . . do you happen to know where I can get hold of some special hypnotizing vapor?”
99 stared at him, astounded, for a second, then shook her head.
“Darn!” Max scowled. “That’s the one weak link in the chain. I don’t know where—” He began looking around. “Do you see a telephone booth anywhere, 99?”
“No, Max. Who do you want to call?”
“I don’t want to call anybody. I want to look in the yellow pages. There must be a rent-a-special-hypnotizing-vapor agency in town.”
“Max, forget about robbing Las Vegas,” 99 begged. “Let me take you to a doctor. Maybe he can cure you.”
“Cure me! 99, that would be insane! I’m on a winning streak.”
“You’ve lost everything you have, Max.”
“Ridiculous. I still have what I need most—my lucky rabbit’s foot.”
“Well, I’m surprised you still have it.”
“It wouldn’t fit in the slot.”
“Max, let me—”
There was a ringing sound.
“What kind of a restaurant is this?” Max complained. “We haven’t had dinner yet, and already they’re sending around the Good Humor man with the dessert.”
“That’s your phone, Max.”
“Oh!” He looked down at his shoe. “You answer it, 99. It’s probably the Chief, and I’m not speaking to him.” He took off the shoe and handed it to 99. “If you can work it into the conversation,” he said, “you might tell him you’ve come into a large inheritance, but you can’t collect it until you get back East, and would he please send you the airfare—as a little loan, of course. Tell him you’ll pay him back the minute I hit that jackpot.”
99: Yes, Chief . . . is that you?
Operator: See what happens when you gamble, Max? It strains your voice. You sound like a woman.
Chief: Operator, will you please stay off the line? This is an official call. When you listen in on the line, you are, in effect, bugging the Government.
Operator: Tit for Tat, Chief. You think the Government don’t bug me?
Chief: What I meant— Oh, nevermind. 99—are you still there? Where is Max?
99: He’s here, Chief. But he refuses to speak to you. He’s upset because you refused to advance him more money. But you were right to do it, Chief. He has gambling fever. Every dollar he gets, he puts in a slot machine. I can’t stop him.
Chief: I guessed that, 99, when I talked to him earlier. He kept telling me that lemons were coming out of his telephone.
Operator: He may have been right, Chief. It’s the season for it you know.
Chief: Lemons? On a telephone line?
Operator: Chief, how do you think they get all those lemons which were grown
“Yell ‘stick-’em-up’ very loudly.”
99 shook her head. “It wouldn’t work, Max.”
“99, you haven’t heard the whole plan. Before I yell ‘stick-’em-up’ very loudly, I’m going to inundate the town with a special hypnotizing vapor. Every person in town will be immobilized and under my spell. When I yell ‘stick-’em-up,’ believe me, they’ll stick-’em-up.”
“And then what, Max?”
“Then, 99, I’ll go from person to person, robbing each one as I move along. It’s a cinch. Anything is possible with careful planning.”
99 thought for a moment, then said, “Well, Max, much as I hate to admit it, it does sound like a perfect plan. But, Max, it’s wrong to rob people.”
“99, some things are bigger than the law. There is a higher duty, you know. Just because a law is on the books, that doesn’t guarantee that it’s right or just. I ask you, 99, in all fairness, is it right to stop a man from robbing people when he has a golden opportunity to hit a jackpot?”
“Well . . .”
“Don’t try to talk me out of it, 99. My mind is made up. Nothing can stop me.”
“All right, Max,” 99 said sadly. “It’s wrong, but . . . Well, I guess you don’t really realize what you’re doing. You have the fever so bad, you don’t know right from wrong anymore. I won’t try to stop you, Max.”
“Good, 99. Now . . . do you happen to know where I can get hold of some special hypnotizing vapor?”
99 stared at him, astounded, for a second, then shook her head.
“Darn!” Max scowled. “That’s the one weak link in the chain. I don’t know where—” He began looking around. “Do you see a telephone booth anywhere, 99?”
“No, Max. Who do you want to call?”
“I don’t want to call anybody. I want to look in the yellow pages. There must be a rent-a-special-hypnotizing-vapor agency in town.”
“Max, forget about robbing Las Vegas,” 99 begged. “Let me take you to a doctor. Maybe he can cure you.”
“Cure me! 99, that would be insane! I’m on a winning streak.”
“You’ve lost everything you have, Max.”
“Ridiculous. I still have what I need most—my lucky rabbit’s foot.”
“Well, I’m surprised you still have it.”
“It wouldn’t fit in the slot.”
“Max, let me—”
There was a ringing sound.
“What kind of a restaurant is this?” Max complained. “We haven’t had dinner yet, and already they’re sending around the Good Humor man with the dessert.”
“That’s your phone, Max.”
“Oh!” He looked down at his shoe. “You answer it, 99. It’s probably the Chief, and I’m not speaking to him.” He took off the shoe and handed it to 99. “If you can work it into the conversation,” he said, “you might tell him you’ve come into a large inheritance, but you can’t collect it until you get back East, and would he please send you the airfare—as a little loan, of course. Tell him you’ll pay him back the minute I hit that jackpot.”
99: Yes, Chief . . . is that you?
Operator: See what happens when you gamble, Max? It strains your voice. You sound like a woman.
Chief: Operator, will you please stay off the line? This is an official call. When you listen in on the line, you are, in effect, bugging the Government.
Operator: Tit for Tat, Chief. You think the Government don’t bug me?
Chief: What I meant— Oh, nevermind. 99—are you still there? Where is Max?
99: He’s here, Chief. But he refuses to speak to you. He’s upset because you refused to advance him more money. But you were right to do it, Chief. He has gambling fever. Every dollar he gets, he puts in a slot machine. I can’t stop him.
Chief: I guessed that, 99, when I talked to him earlier. He kept telling me that lemons were coming out of his telephone.
Operator: He may have been right, Chief. It’s the season for it you know.
Chief: Lemons? On a telephone line?
Operator: Chief, how do you think they get all those lemons which were grown
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