feel my need for her intensify. How long before
I lose control and simply take what I want?
“Is this from
your job?” she asks, scooting closer.
“My dad in a
bad mood.”
“It’s good
you killed him,” she says again and I sense anger in her words.
Even worrying
over her answer, I ask the question. “Is your mother alive? Do you want to find
her?”
Mia backs off
and her fingers slip out of my hand. “No, Rodent said she was dead. If she’s
not, I don’t care. I hate her.”
“Why? Did
Rodent tell you something about her to make you hate her?” I ask, wondering if
he stole her away from a good life.
Lowering her
head, Mia balls her hands and hides them in her lap. “She liked drugs and drank
too much. We were always moving and she never had money. She was a whore to
make money, but that wasn’t enough.”
Lifting her
gaze to mine, she finishes her sentence with a pained expression in her eyes.
“How did you
end up with Rodent?” I ask, unable to stop myself.
Mia blinks a
few times and opens her mouth, but she doesn’t respond right away. When she
does, I feel her leaving me. She is in the past, instead of in the hotel room.
“She took me
to a party. I was scared and told her there were too many men. I was scared,
but she didn’t care. She said we needed money. She always said that. I just
want to go to school, but she said I’d snitch. Teachers were too nosy, so I couldn’t
go to school.”
Mia squirms
then pushes back until she is against the arm of the couch.
“I said there
were too many men and I just wanted to go home, but she said she would use the
belt if I wasn’t good. She drank beer with some men and I was supposed to be
nice to the other men. Rodent was there and I thought maybe he would help me.”
Mia looks at
me. “He didn’t help. He had his turn then he took me with him. He said he’d
take better care of me than Mom. I still didn’t go to school and now he was my
boss. When I was twelve maybe, he said Mom died from drugs. I didn’t care
because she never loved me. No one ever loved me. I asked the old woman in our
building why no one loved me and she said I was just bad that way.”
Mia looks
ready to stop talking, but I see how the words need to be said and she
continues, “One time, I thought someone cared about me. He said he would help
me and I could go to school. I didn’t know how to read or write and I didn’t
think I could go to school being big and knowing nothing. The man said he would
take me away from Rodent. He lived in our building and gave me food and let me
watch TV. He said he’d help me, but he never did. He was the one who put the
belt around my throat and made me stupid. He said he would make everything
better then he broke my brain and I don’t understand things. He’s worse than the
others, I think. He made me believe I’d be free then he took my chance to
understand things.”
“Is the
fucker still alive?” I ask, wiping the tear from her cheek.
“Yes. He
still lives in the building and he still likes to put the belt around my
throat. Even after he broke my brain, he kept doing it. After I knew he wouldn’t
help me, I hated him, but he hurt me if I told him no. They all hurt me. I try…”
she says, her voice growing stronger as she holds my gaze, “to make people
understand. I tried to get help. I wanted to get away so bad when I had the baby
in my tummy. No one listened. Maybe I was too stupid and they couldn’t
understand or maybe they just didn’t care. I did try to get away. Then, the baby
was dead and I didn’t care anymore. I waited to die and I never think about
getting free. I just wanted to sleep forever. Then, you came.”
Mia’s tears
rush down her face even while her expression remains unaffected. I’m her savior
and she will give me anything to repay this gift.
“I’m going to
kill the man who hurt you,” I promise. “I’d kill them all if I could, but I’ll
kill the one who put the belt around your
I lose control and simply take what I want?
“Is this from
your job?” she asks, scooting closer.
“My dad in a
bad mood.”
“It’s good
you killed him,” she says again and I sense anger in her words.
Even worrying
over her answer, I ask the question. “Is your mother alive? Do you want to find
her?”
Mia backs off
and her fingers slip out of my hand. “No, Rodent said she was dead. If she’s
not, I don’t care. I hate her.”
“Why? Did
Rodent tell you something about her to make you hate her?” I ask, wondering if
he stole her away from a good life.
Lowering her
head, Mia balls her hands and hides them in her lap. “She liked drugs and drank
too much. We were always moving and she never had money. She was a whore to
make money, but that wasn’t enough.”
Lifting her
gaze to mine, she finishes her sentence with a pained expression in her eyes.
“How did you
end up with Rodent?” I ask, unable to stop myself.
Mia blinks a
few times and opens her mouth, but she doesn’t respond right away. When she
does, I feel her leaving me. She is in the past, instead of in the hotel room.
“She took me
to a party. I was scared and told her there were too many men. I was scared,
but she didn’t care. She said we needed money. She always said that. I just
want to go to school, but she said I’d snitch. Teachers were too nosy, so I couldn’t
go to school.”
Mia squirms
then pushes back until she is against the arm of the couch.
“I said there
were too many men and I just wanted to go home, but she said she would use the
belt if I wasn’t good. She drank beer with some men and I was supposed to be
nice to the other men. Rodent was there and I thought maybe he would help me.”
Mia looks at
me. “He didn’t help. He had his turn then he took me with him. He said he’d
take better care of me than Mom. I still didn’t go to school and now he was my
boss. When I was twelve maybe, he said Mom died from drugs. I didn’t care
because she never loved me. No one ever loved me. I asked the old woman in our
building why no one loved me and she said I was just bad that way.”
Mia looks
ready to stop talking, but I see how the words need to be said and she
continues, “One time, I thought someone cared about me. He said he would help
me and I could go to school. I didn’t know how to read or write and I didn’t
think I could go to school being big and knowing nothing. The man said he would
take me away from Rodent. He lived in our building and gave me food and let me
watch TV. He said he’d help me, but he never did. He was the one who put the
belt around my throat and made me stupid. He said he would make everything
better then he broke my brain and I don’t understand things. He’s worse than the
others, I think. He made me believe I’d be free then he took my chance to
understand things.”
“Is the
fucker still alive?” I ask, wiping the tear from her cheek.
“Yes. He
still lives in the building and he still likes to put the belt around my
throat. Even after he broke my brain, he kept doing it. After I knew he wouldn’t
help me, I hated him, but he hurt me if I told him no. They all hurt me. I try…”
she says, her voice growing stronger as she holds my gaze, “to make people
understand. I tried to get help. I wanted to get away so bad when I had the baby
in my tummy. No one listened. Maybe I was too stupid and they couldn’t
understand or maybe they just didn’t care. I did try to get away. Then, the baby
was dead and I didn’t care anymore. I waited to die and I never think about
getting free. I just wanted to sleep forever. Then, you came.”
Mia’s tears
rush down her face even while her expression remains unaffected. I’m her savior
and she will give me anything to repay this gift.
“I’m going to
kill the man who hurt you,” I promise. “I’d kill them all if I could, but I’ll
kill the one who put the belt around your
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