Freeze Frame

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Authors: Heidi Ayarbe
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eerie glow.
    I didn’t see the Bishops anywhere. I didn’t see Chase. There were two rows of empty pews right next to Jason.
    â€œKyle, stand over here.” Mom motioned me back into the corner.
    People crowded in, pushing, trying to get a spot, craning their necks to see above everyone’s head. The air reeked of perfume, incense, and funeral flowers. I pushed my way to the very back corner of the church to get more air. My chest felt tight.
    Don’t lose it.
    Mom’s tiny hand closed around my wrist. She pulled me over and put her arm around my shoulder. I could still see the coffin. I couldn’t believe Jason was in there. I wondered what Mrs. Bishop had made him wear.
    Does it matter what he wears now?
    I bet Mrs. Bishop hadn’t put on the Swatch. She said gambling was a sin and wouldn’t let Jase wear it after she found out where he got it. But he’d earned it. By two seconds. He’d earned it, even if they wouldn’t let him wear it. I should’ve called her and said to put it on. He really liked that watch. But I didn’t call. I didn’t do anything.
    One by one, people went up, looked inside, and left something by the coffin. Even Sarah McGraw brought something. She never even talked to Jase at school.
    I tried to loosen Dad’s tie but couldn’t figure out how to slip the knot down.
    â€œKyle,” Mom whispered. “Would you like to go up?”
    I hadn’t seen Jason since Saturday. It was almost like he was on one of his family vacations—just gone for a while.
    I swallowed hard and nodded.
    â€œWe’ll go together.” Dad and Mel walked ahead of Mom and me.
    People stared and then looked away. It was like a bad TV movie, the kind they air on all major networks the same night at the same time.
    Â 
    ABC: Killing Jason—The Kyle Caroll Story
    Â 
    NBC: The Murder of a High School Student
    Â 
    CBS: Kyle the Killer
    Â 
    I had turned Jase into the movie of the week.
    â€œCome on.” Mom pushed me along.
    Mel clutched Dad. My legs felt weak, and I had to stop several times to catch my breath—it came in short bursts. I grabbed my chest to make sure my heart still worked. A numb feeling spread through my body.
    Why did I, Kyle Caroll, Mr. Nobody, live, when Jason died? It should’ve been the other way around. The main character never dies in the movies. It’s always his sidekick. This movie was definitely fucked up.
    It took forever to get to the front of that church. Thecoffin hadn’t looked so far away a few minutes before.
    Melanie sobbed when she saw Jason. She teetered and started blubbering, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Dad held Mel in his arms, and they walked to the back of the church.
    I’m sorry. It sounded so hollow, echoing off the church’s bare walls.
    Mom and I got to the coffin, and I looked in. It was Jason. But it wasn’t. Mom started to pull me away, but I had to stand there for a while. It didn’t make any sense.
    His eyes were closed. His hands were crossed in front of his stomach.
    They had cut his hair. He had been growing it out since December. He wanted to look like a real artist, and they cut his hair .
    He wore a blue suit I had never seen, with the sleeves so long, they covered his wrists. I touched Jason’s hand to check for the watch and recoiled from the waxy skin. This wasn’t Jason. It couldn’t be.
    I couldn’t have done this. I couldn’t have killed my best friend.
    I leaned into the coffin and put my head on his chest, listening, hoping that somehow this was a sick joke. Like when your parents really want you to learn your lesson the hard way, so they help you pack your bag to run away. But they fill it with all sorts of stuff, so you drag it halfway down the block and you realize you can’t go any fartherbecause the suitcase is too damned heavy.
    Maybe somebody would say, See, you shouldn’t play with guns. And

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