eerie glow.
I didnât see the Bishops anywhere. I didnât see Chase. There were two rows of empty pews right next to Jason.
âKyle, stand over here.â Mom motioned me back into the corner.
People crowded in, pushing, trying to get a spot, craning their necks to see above everyoneâs head. The air reeked of perfume, incense, and funeral flowers. I pushed my way to the very back corner of the church to get more air. My chest felt tight.
Donât lose it.
Momâs tiny hand closed around my wrist. She pulled me over and put her arm around my shoulder. I could still see the coffin. I couldnât believe Jason was in there. I wondered what Mrs. Bishop had made him wear.
Does it matter what he wears now?
I bet Mrs. Bishop hadnât put on the Swatch. She said gambling was a sin and wouldnât let Jase wear it after she found out where he got it. But heâd earned it. By two seconds. Heâd earned it, even if they wouldnât let him wear it. I shouldâve called her and said to put it on. He really liked that watch. But I didnât call. I didnât do anything.
One by one, people went up, looked inside, and left something by the coffin. Even Sarah McGraw brought something. She never even talked to Jase at school.
I tried to loosen Dadâs tie but couldnât figure out how to slip the knot down.
âKyle,â Mom whispered. âWould you like to go up?â
I hadnât seen Jason since Saturday. It was almost like he was on one of his family vacationsâjust gone for a while.
I swallowed hard and nodded.
âWeâll go together.â Dad and Mel walked ahead of Mom and me.
People stared and then looked away. It was like a bad TV movie, the kind they air on all major networks the same night at the same time.
Â
ABC: Killing JasonâThe Kyle Caroll Story
Â
NBC: The Murder of a High School Student
Â
CBS: Kyle the Killer
Â
I had turned Jase into the movie of the week.
âCome on.â Mom pushed me along.
Mel clutched Dad. My legs felt weak, and I had to stop several times to catch my breathâit came in short bursts. I grabbed my chest to make sure my heart still worked. A numb feeling spread through my body.
Why did I, Kyle Caroll, Mr. Nobody, live, when Jason died? It shouldâve been the other way around. The main character never dies in the movies. Itâs always his sidekick. This movie was definitely fucked up.
It took forever to get to the front of that church. Thecoffin hadnât looked so far away a few minutes before.
Melanie sobbed when she saw Jason. She teetered and started blubbering, âIâm so sorry. Iâm so sorry.â Dad held Mel in his arms, and they walked to the back of the church.
Iâm sorry. It sounded so hollow, echoing off the churchâs bare walls.
Mom and I got to the coffin, and I looked in. It was Jason. But it wasnât. Mom started to pull me away, but I had to stand there for a while. It didnât make any sense.
His eyes were closed. His hands were crossed in front of his stomach.
They had cut his hair. He had been growing it out since December. He wanted to look like a real artist, and they cut his hair .
He wore a blue suit I had never seen, with the sleeves so long, they covered his wrists. I touched Jasonâs hand to check for the watch and recoiled from the waxy skin. This wasnât Jason. It couldnât be.
I couldnât have done this. I couldnât have killed my best friend.
I leaned into the coffin and put my head on his chest, listening, hoping that somehow this was a sick joke. Like when your parents really want you to learn your lesson the hard way, so they help you pack your bag to run away. But they fill it with all sorts of stuff, so you drag it halfway down the block and you realize you canât go any fartherbecause the suitcase is too damned heavy.
Maybe somebody would say, See, you shouldnât play with guns. And
I didnât see the Bishops anywhere. I didnât see Chase. There were two rows of empty pews right next to Jason.
âKyle, stand over here.â Mom motioned me back into the corner.
People crowded in, pushing, trying to get a spot, craning their necks to see above everyoneâs head. The air reeked of perfume, incense, and funeral flowers. I pushed my way to the very back corner of the church to get more air. My chest felt tight.
Donât lose it.
Momâs tiny hand closed around my wrist. She pulled me over and put her arm around my shoulder. I could still see the coffin. I couldnât believe Jason was in there. I wondered what Mrs. Bishop had made him wear.
Does it matter what he wears now?
I bet Mrs. Bishop hadnât put on the Swatch. She said gambling was a sin and wouldnât let Jase wear it after she found out where he got it. But heâd earned it. By two seconds. Heâd earned it, even if they wouldnât let him wear it. I shouldâve called her and said to put it on. He really liked that watch. But I didnât call. I didnât do anything.
One by one, people went up, looked inside, and left something by the coffin. Even Sarah McGraw brought something. She never even talked to Jase at school.
I tried to loosen Dadâs tie but couldnât figure out how to slip the knot down.
âKyle,â Mom whispered. âWould you like to go up?â
I hadnât seen Jason since Saturday. It was almost like he was on one of his family vacationsâjust gone for a while.
I swallowed hard and nodded.
âWeâll go together.â Dad and Mel walked ahead of Mom and me.
People stared and then looked away. It was like a bad TV movie, the kind they air on all major networks the same night at the same time.
Â
ABC: Killing JasonâThe Kyle Caroll Story
Â
NBC: The Murder of a High School Student
Â
CBS: Kyle the Killer
Â
I had turned Jase into the movie of the week.
âCome on.â Mom pushed me along.
Mel clutched Dad. My legs felt weak, and I had to stop several times to catch my breathâit came in short bursts. I grabbed my chest to make sure my heart still worked. A numb feeling spread through my body.
Why did I, Kyle Caroll, Mr. Nobody, live, when Jason died? It shouldâve been the other way around. The main character never dies in the movies. Itâs always his sidekick. This movie was definitely fucked up.
It took forever to get to the front of that church. Thecoffin hadnât looked so far away a few minutes before.
Melanie sobbed when she saw Jason. She teetered and started blubbering, âIâm so sorry. Iâm so sorry.â Dad held Mel in his arms, and they walked to the back of the church.
Iâm sorry. It sounded so hollow, echoing off the churchâs bare walls.
Mom and I got to the coffin, and I looked in. It was Jason. But it wasnât. Mom started to pull me away, but I had to stand there for a while. It didnât make any sense.
His eyes were closed. His hands were crossed in front of his stomach.
They had cut his hair. He had been growing it out since December. He wanted to look like a real artist, and they cut his hair .
He wore a blue suit I had never seen, with the sleeves so long, they covered his wrists. I touched Jasonâs hand to check for the watch and recoiled from the waxy skin. This wasnât Jason. It couldnât be.
I couldnât have done this. I couldnât have killed my best friend.
I leaned into the coffin and put my head on his chest, listening, hoping that somehow this was a sick joke. Like when your parents really want you to learn your lesson the hard way, so they help you pack your bag to run away. But they fill it with all sorts of stuff, so you drag it halfway down the block and you realize you canât go any fartherbecause the suitcase is too damned heavy.
Maybe somebody would say, See, you shouldnât play with guns. And
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