Read Online Freeze Frame by Heidi Ayarbe - Free Book Online Page B

world stopped spinning, and everything came back into focus. Dad and Mel stood over me. “You okay?” Dad asked.
    No.
    I nodded.
    Dad helped me up. “Let’s go home.”
    We walked slowly to the car. “I didn’t say good-bye,” I whispered.
    I listened as the organ played “Amazing Grace” from behind the heavy church doors. I wondered what other music they would play. What would Jason have liked?
    I looked back. Mr. Bishop was right. I had no right. I had no right to be there. I had no right to be.

13
    â€œK yle! Kyle, wake up!” Mel leaned over and shook my shoulders.
    I sat up and grabbed her. “I can’t,” I gasped, struggling to steady my breathing. Nightmare images came back to me: choking, the inside of a coffin, being buried alive.
    â€œYou’re okay.” She sat down next to me.
    I held her tighter.
    She circled her arms around me. “I was walking to the bathroom when I heard you.”
    I nodded, still hanging on to her pajamas.
    â€œI still kinda need to go.”
    â€œGo where?”
    â€œTo the bathroom.”
    â€œOh. Oh yeah. Sorry.” I didn’t let go.
    â€œKyle?”
    I let the fabric slip from my fingers. “Yeah, thanks. Sorry about that.”
    â€œG’night.”
    She closed the door and I was blanketed in darkness. I grabbed my pillow and waited until the first purple shades of dawn seeped through my window before I closed my eyes.
    Â 
    â€œYou look tired today.” Dr. Matthews handed me a glass of water. “Did you sleep well?”
    â€œSure.”
    Mom and Dad had called an emergency Matthews session. “We’re going to try something called association. When I show you a picture, I just want you to tell me the first thing that comes to mind.” She held out an ink-stained picture. “What do you see?”
    â€œA stain.”
    She raised her eyebrows. “A stain of what?”
    â€œBlack ink.”
    She scowled. “And this one?”
    â€œA bigger stain.”
    She did one of those hum-sighs. “Think of it like cloud watching. Have you ever done that? Looked up at clouds and found figures?”
    Â 
    Chase, Jason, and I had done it all the time. With stars, though, instead of clouds. We named our own constellations. Chase’s favorite constellation was the Taraxacum officinale —the dandelion. He said it was a very misunderstood flower. At first I thought he was shitting me, but the kid actually found the same group of stars every night. One year for Chase’s birthday, Jason and I bought him a star and named it Dandelion because we couldn’t remember the scientific name. We thought he’d like it, but he said, “How can you buy something that belongs to everybody?”
    We tried to return it, but we couldn’t. I kinda felt like shit after that.
    Â 
    Dr. Matthews cleared her throat. “You know what I mean, Kyle, about the cloud watching?”
    â€œNo. I’ve never watched clouds,” I said.
    Dr. Matthews put the cards away. “Can you tell me about the funeral yesterday?”
    I bit my lip.
    â€œCan you tell me about the makeup?”
    Trying to save my best friend from an eternity of lip gloss and blush didn’t seem so unreasonable to me. I didn’t know what the big deal was. Everybody’d just flipped out.
    â€œDid you read Jason’s obituary?” she asked. It was as if she knew I’d torn it out the week before and carried it around, too afraid to read the words. “What did you thinkabout it? The obituary?”
    â€œI didn’t read it.”
    â€œWhy not?”
    I bit my lip harder, until I tasted metal. I looked away, out the tiny door window.
    â€œWould you like to read it?” She handed me a fresh version of the clipping I had crumpled in my wallet.
    I blinked, hoping that everything would disappear, that the words would morph like they did in that movie The Butterfly Effect.