world stopped spinning, and everything came back into focus. Dad and Mel stood over me. âYou okay?â Dad asked.
No.
I nodded.
Dad helped me up. âLetâs go home.â
We walked slowly to the car. âI didnât say good-bye,â I whispered.
I listened as the organ played âAmazing Graceâ from behind the heavy church doors. I wondered what other music they would play. What would Jason have liked?
I looked back. Mr. Bishop was right. I had no right. I had no right to be there. I had no right to be.
13
âK yle! Kyle, wake up!â Mel leaned over and shook my shoulders.
I sat up and grabbed her. âI canât,â I gasped, struggling to steady my breathing. Nightmare images came back to me: choking, the inside of a coffin, being buried alive.
âYouâre okay.â She sat down next to me.
I held her tighter.
She circled her arms around me. âI was walking to the bathroom when I heard you.â
I nodded, still hanging on to her pajamas.
âI still kinda need to go.â
âGo where?â
âTo the bathroom.â
âOh. Oh yeah. Sorry.â I didnât let go.
âKyle?â
I let the fabric slip from my fingers. âYeah, thanks. Sorry about that.â
âGânight.â
She closed the door and I was blanketed in darkness. I grabbed my pillow and waited until the first purple shades of dawn seeped through my window before I closed my eyes.
Â
âYou look tired today.â Dr. Matthews handed me a glass of water. âDid you sleep well?â
âSure.â
Mom and Dad had called an emergency Matthews session. âWeâre going to try something called association. When I show you a picture, I just want you to tell me the first thing that comes to mind.â She held out an ink-stained picture. âWhat do you see?â
âA stain.â
She raised her eyebrows. âA stain of what?â
âBlack ink.â
She scowled. âAnd this one?â
âA bigger stain.â
She did one of those hum-sighs. âThink of it like cloud watching. Have you ever done that? Looked up at clouds and found figures?â
Â
Chase, Jason, and I had done it all the time. With stars, though, instead of clouds. We named our own constellations. Chaseâs favorite constellation was the Taraxacum officinale âthe dandelion. He said it was a very misunderstood flower. At first I thought he was shitting me, but the kid actually found the same group of stars every night. One year for Chaseâs birthday, Jason and I bought him a star and named it Dandelion because we couldnât remember the scientific name. We thought heâd like it, but he said, âHow can you buy something that belongs to everybody?â
We tried to return it, but we couldnât. I kinda felt like shit after that.
Â
Dr. Matthews cleared her throat. âYou know what I mean, Kyle, about the cloud watching?â
âNo. Iâve never watched clouds,â I said.
Dr. Matthews put the cards away. âCan you tell me about the funeral yesterday?â
I bit my lip.
âCan you tell me about the makeup?â
Trying to save my best friend from an eternity of lip gloss and blush didnât seem so unreasonable to me. I didnât know what the big deal was. Everybodyâd just flipped out.
âDid you read Jasonâs obituary?â she asked. It was as if she knew Iâd torn it out the week before and carried it around, too afraid to read the words. âWhat did you thinkabout it? The obituary?â
âI didnât read it.â
âWhy not?â
I bit my lip harder, until I tasted metal. I looked away, out the tiny door window.
âWould you like to read it?â She handed me a fresh version of the clipping I had crumpled in my wallet.
I blinked, hoping that everything would disappear, that the words would morph like they did in that movie The Butterfly Effect.
P. J. Parrish
Sebastian Gregory
Danelle Harmon
Lily R. Mason
Philip Short
Tawny Weber
Caroline B. Cooney
Simon Kewin
Francesca Simon
Mary Ting