Read Online F*ck Feelings by MD Michael Bennett - Free Book Online Page B

move a date, key family members, or important clients
    â€¢Â To stop overthinking and trying to defeat themselves
    â€¢Â To understand where their mojo’s gone
    â€¢Â To trick themselves into thinking they’re great so others will follow
    Here are three examples:
    I used to be able to hold my students spellbound, but ever since my stroke it’s hard to keep their attention. My speech is clear and my memory is solid, but my words don’t flow and sometimes I get nervous and blush, which never happened before. Then I doubt myself, which justgets me more off my rhythm, and I start to notice they’re fidgeting and bored, and it’s even harder to get back on track. My goal is to figure out how to get back my ability to lecture to my standards or let myself down and retire.
    If I wasn’t her son (and only child), I bet I could get my mother to stop drinking. I’m always nervous about how she’s going to respond, so I’m always hesitant and apologetic, instead of telling her why she needs to quit. It’s depressing that I can’t get through to her, but with Dad long gone, I don’t know anyone else she’ll listen to. My goal is to get the confidence to speak to her effectively and get her sober.
    There are three guys at the dealership I work at who know less about the cars than I do, but they sell them better because they really think they’re hotshots. I’ve studied the sales material carefully and know it cold, and I sell enough cars to keep my job, but I hate getting beat by guys who are just better at bullshitting than I am. My goal is to get the confidence to be a better bullshitter or get better at bullshit so I’ll have more confidence, get the bonuses, and never feel screwed over again.
    Just because you lack persuasive abilities for one reason or another, or find them unequal to the task at hand, doesn’t mean that you should be able to be more persuasive and should keep trying until you are. There’s a certain point—let’s call it the desperation fulcrum—at which pushing yourself to be more articulate makes you repetitive, boring, and overeager, driving people further away from your point of view.
    Unfortunately, practice doesn’t make perfect; at some point, after you’ve consulted advisers, tried exercises, and analyzed obstacles, it’s time to accept that the problem is what it is. If you keep on looking at improving persuasiveness as the goal of a failed quest, life will seem increasingly negative and hopeless, and the fulcrum point will move ever closer with each new negotiation.
    If you accept your problem as an unfortunate dysfunction you’ve done your best to fix, then the failure isn’t personal. You’ve done agood job pushing your limits (even if they pushed right back) and it’s time to look for alternatives.
    Remember, persuasiveness is one of those abilities that can do both good and harm. It can get you sales, votes, and deals, but it also gives you the power to take advantage of others or use negative emotions to get their support, and this may turn into mini– Wolf of Wall Street , damaging your reputation (and eternal soul) in the long run. Even if you get them to do things for you that they wouldn’t for someone else, their motivation will disappear if they think they don’t have your attention.
    In any case, there are ways you can achieve your goal even if you don’t have the ability to persuade. One is to follow a commonsense procedure for weighing decisions as if you were the person you wish to persuade. Instead of pushing their emotional buttons, pretend you’re a coach or adviser responsible for reviewing all the reasons for or against a decision, taking into account consequences and your clients’ values.
    Whether you’re trying to sell them a car or sobriety, use plainspoken expertise, not flash, to explain the risks and benefits you believe they