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Authors: MD Michael Bennett
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their own reality TV shows.
Meanwhile, health care professionals who encounter a flood of clients traumatized by their relationships with ESEs have mistakenly thought the problem was their clientsâ own low self-esteem. From a treatment standpoint, it helps a little to feel better about yourself, but it would help humanity a lot more if those suffering from ESE adjusted their self-admiration to more reasonable levels. Until this disorder gets the recognition it deserves by the medical and/or Oprah-centric communities, we all have to protect ourselves from this unfortunately-not-silent killer.
Unleashing the Power of Persuasion
Of the many things youâre supposed to feel for yourself before others can follow suitâi.e., love, admiration, even lustâconfidence is among the most misleading. The idea that if you believe in yourself, you can persuade others to follow your command, is sold to us near the end of many movies when the unlikely hero finally takes the crown. Sadly, whatâs true for Luke Skywalker is rarely true for the rest of us.
People often believe that, with enough training, fitness, or self-hypnosis, they can gain the ability to influence others, sell goods, get clients, get votes, get laid, etc.âall of which depends on the strength of their self-belief. If anything interferes with that self-belief, they become obsessed with trying to figure out how to release the magic or undo the damage, a process that can become a self-critical, self-centered spiral into the dark side.
In reality, persuasiveness depends on, and can be harmed by, factors that are beyond your control, including anxiety, depression, and other illness. Just because youâre successfully persuasive today doesnât mean you will be tomorrow, and believing that recovering or maintaining this ability is all up to you just worsens your feelings of failure.
In addition, many people just arenât articulate and never will be. We love to see shy, ugly people transform into great, persuasive performers and politiciansâin what other universe would The Kingâs Speech become a movie?âbut the fact that we have to pay to see it at the movies, or get a personal intervention from God, tells you that most of us are who we are and have to work with what weâve got.
Certainly, you should work hard, train well, and do what you can to build and rebuild your confidence. If, however, your influence is nevertheless waning or just wan and unimproved, donât self-destruct on self-doubt. Be prepared to admit, after trying all the usual remedies, that maybe thereâs nothing you can do to get it or get it back, so thereâs no point in ruminating about what you did wrong. You can still believe in yourself, as long as you believe that your flaws and misfortunes are part of the package.
Donât blame yourself for an accidental encounter with self-doubt, because thereâs still much to be done. It may not be as easy or as much fun to win someone over as it would be if you were silver-tongued, but having a silver tongue is not the only way to be effective.
In any case, donât try to control your confidence in your power of persuasion, as much as you would wish for it. Instead, use whatever other methods you can find, even if theyâre not interesting or fun, to get the job done.
Here are signs that the Force of Persuasion is not with you:
â¢Â When you try to dress for success, people ask if youâre going to a costume party
â¢Â Your words come out as if youâre speaking a foreign language
â¢Â Your listeners respond as if youâre speaking a foreign language
â¢Â The harder you try to project confidence, the more you get treated like poop
Among the wishes people express when they yearn for the power to persuade:
â¢Â To find the confidence to release their inner persuader
â¢Â To move the world with the strength of their words and beliefs, or at least
Meanwhile, health care professionals who encounter a flood of clients traumatized by their relationships with ESEs have mistakenly thought the problem was their clientsâ own low self-esteem. From a treatment standpoint, it helps a little to feel better about yourself, but it would help humanity a lot more if those suffering from ESE adjusted their self-admiration to more reasonable levels. Until this disorder gets the recognition it deserves by the medical and/or Oprah-centric communities, we all have to protect ourselves from this unfortunately-not-silent killer.
Unleashing the Power of Persuasion
Of the many things youâre supposed to feel for yourself before others can follow suitâi.e., love, admiration, even lustâconfidence is among the most misleading. The idea that if you believe in yourself, you can persuade others to follow your command, is sold to us near the end of many movies when the unlikely hero finally takes the crown. Sadly, whatâs true for Luke Skywalker is rarely true for the rest of us.
People often believe that, with enough training, fitness, or self-hypnosis, they can gain the ability to influence others, sell goods, get clients, get votes, get laid, etc.âall of which depends on the strength of their self-belief. If anything interferes with that self-belief, they become obsessed with trying to figure out how to release the magic or undo the damage, a process that can become a self-critical, self-centered spiral into the dark side.
In reality, persuasiveness depends on, and can be harmed by, factors that are beyond your control, including anxiety, depression, and other illness. Just because youâre successfully persuasive today doesnât mean you will be tomorrow, and believing that recovering or maintaining this ability is all up to you just worsens your feelings of failure.
In addition, many people just arenât articulate and never will be. We love to see shy, ugly people transform into great, persuasive performers and politiciansâin what other universe would The Kingâs Speech become a movie?âbut the fact that we have to pay to see it at the movies, or get a personal intervention from God, tells you that most of us are who we are and have to work with what weâve got.
Certainly, you should work hard, train well, and do what you can to build and rebuild your confidence. If, however, your influence is nevertheless waning or just wan and unimproved, donât self-destruct on self-doubt. Be prepared to admit, after trying all the usual remedies, that maybe thereâs nothing you can do to get it or get it back, so thereâs no point in ruminating about what you did wrong. You can still believe in yourself, as long as you believe that your flaws and misfortunes are part of the package.
Donât blame yourself for an accidental encounter with self-doubt, because thereâs still much to be done. It may not be as easy or as much fun to win someone over as it would be if you were silver-tongued, but having a silver tongue is not the only way to be effective.
In any case, donât try to control your confidence in your power of persuasion, as much as you would wish for it. Instead, use whatever other methods you can find, even if theyâre not interesting or fun, to get the job done.
Here are signs that the Force of Persuasion is not with you:
â¢Â When you try to dress for success, people ask if youâre going to a costume party
â¢Â Your words come out as if youâre speaking a foreign language
â¢Â Your listeners respond as if youâre speaking a foreign language
â¢Â The harder you try to project confidence, the more you get treated like poop
Among the wishes people express when they yearn for the power to persuade:
â¢Â To find the confidence to release their inner persuader
â¢Â To move the world with the strength of their words and beliefs, or at least
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