Read Online B003B0W1QC EBOK by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt - Free Book Online
Authors: Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt
Ads: Link
explicitly about sex has been forbidden in our culture for a very long time, so anyone who values clear and honest communication about sexual matters can expect to invest some time and energy in learning how. We promise you that should you choose to make the effort to overcome embarrassment and learn to talk about sex, your investment will be richly rewarded. Imagine how your life would be if it were easy to say “That tickles!” or “You’re rubbing... too hard, too soft, too high, too low,” whatever it is that will make your lovemaking work better. Only with good communication has your friend or relative been able to develop the trust on which good sex is based ― remember, the shared vulnerability of risky communications can only strengthen and deepen intimacy, and get everybody more of exactly the right kind of sex they need for the joy in their lives. If you’d like to learn more about being a better sexual communicator, you’ll find some good books about communication for people in all sexual lifestyles in the Resource Guide. But meanwhile, rest assured that your kinky person has already done at least some of the hard work of learning to communicate the information required to keep her sex life healthy, happy and fun.
Safeguards. Everyone is responsible for safety. All players, not just the tops, are responsible for researching any proposed activity and learning how to do whatever that is safely. For instance, it is safe to spank or flog on well-padded parts of the body, and not on unprotected areas where organs or tendons, or other vulnerable parts, might get bruised. Good bondage requires knowing how to maintain circulation and comfort: very few folks are eroticized to pins and needles. Reading good books and attending support groups and workshops are good sources of information about how to make one’s dreams come true in a healthy and safe way. So if you want to know if your kinky person is playing safely, you might ask about where she gets her information.
While the top is primarily responsible for preserving safety during a scene, and knowing how to do bondage or use a whip correctly, the bottom is also responsible: for setting limits, for letting the top know when something is going wrong, for using safewords when needed. The bottom may feel reluctant to stop a scene in progress to let someone know that his foot has fallen asleep; the top may feel reluctant to ask if the bottom wants more or less of whatever - it is embarrassing, and definitely disrupts the flow. Experienced players learn that interruptions can be worked through, and that a level of arousal that took half an hour of foreplay to get to in the first place can probably be reattained in just a few minutes after a pause.
So the bottom who heroically thrashes on even when he knows that the whip is landing in the wrong place is not a hero at all, but simply irresponsible: imagine how his top will feel in the morning when he sees all those welts in the wrong place!
Similarly, emotional safety needs to be discussed and negotiated, and that means we may need to talk about some pretty vulnerable stuff. If a play partner wants you to role-play a rapist and you have been raped yourself, then there might be a lot of risk for me in there, and even if you decide you want to try it out, and even if it turns out to be an effective way to empower myself and heal old wounds, it is obviously important that your partner in this endeavor should know about your concerns.
A final kind of safety involves partners who have not played together before. While predators are rare in the kinky communities - possibly rarer than in the straight world - they do exist, and playing with someone you don’t know very well without protecting yourself is foolishly dangerous. Thus, one of the most important functions of our kinky community is to help us take care of ourselves. When we play with someone new in private for the first time, we set up a “silent alarm” -
Safeguards. Everyone is responsible for safety. All players, not just the tops, are responsible for researching any proposed activity and learning how to do whatever that is safely. For instance, it is safe to spank or flog on well-padded parts of the body, and not on unprotected areas where organs or tendons, or other vulnerable parts, might get bruised. Good bondage requires knowing how to maintain circulation and comfort: very few folks are eroticized to pins and needles. Reading good books and attending support groups and workshops are good sources of information about how to make one’s dreams come true in a healthy and safe way. So if you want to know if your kinky person is playing safely, you might ask about where she gets her information.
While the top is primarily responsible for preserving safety during a scene, and knowing how to do bondage or use a whip correctly, the bottom is also responsible: for setting limits, for letting the top know when something is going wrong, for using safewords when needed. The bottom may feel reluctant to stop a scene in progress to let someone know that his foot has fallen asleep; the top may feel reluctant to ask if the bottom wants more or less of whatever - it is embarrassing, and definitely disrupts the flow. Experienced players learn that interruptions can be worked through, and that a level of arousal that took half an hour of foreplay to get to in the first place can probably be reattained in just a few minutes after a pause.
So the bottom who heroically thrashes on even when he knows that the whip is landing in the wrong place is not a hero at all, but simply irresponsible: imagine how his top will feel in the morning when he sees all those welts in the wrong place!
Similarly, emotional safety needs to be discussed and negotiated, and that means we may need to talk about some pretty vulnerable stuff. If a play partner wants you to role-play a rapist and you have been raped yourself, then there might be a lot of risk for me in there, and even if you decide you want to try it out, and even if it turns out to be an effective way to empower myself and heal old wounds, it is obviously important that your partner in this endeavor should know about your concerns.
A final kind of safety involves partners who have not played together before. While predators are rare in the kinky communities - possibly rarer than in the straight world - they do exist, and playing with someone you don’t know very well without protecting yourself is foolishly dangerous. Thus, one of the most important functions of our kinky community is to help us take care of ourselves. When we play with someone new in private for the first time, we set up a “silent alarm” -
Similar Books
