Read Online B003B0W1QC EBOK by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt
Ads: Link
a trusted friend who knows where we are, who we’re with, and when we’re expected back home. We may set up a special check-in time at which we’re supposed to call our friend to let her know we’re okay; if we don’t show up or call, the friend may have directions to call the police, or to take some other agreed-upon action. We also make sure that our play partner knows ahead of time that we’ve taken these precautions (which, thank heavens, are very rarely necessary).
Two different worlds . Probably the ultimate safety device in the playing out of fantasies is the clear boundary between scene space and the rest of our lives. Much of the content of most people’s fantasies, kidnappings, pleasure slaves, and so forth, are unacceptable approaches to how they are going to live their lives in the real world. If any of us choose to be victims or villains as a permanent lifestyle, like at work or raising the children, obviously we would be making dysfunctional choices with potential for harm to others, and our lives wouldn’t work out very well. So we make agreements with people we trust, and with clear negotiation, to pretend to be the creature of our fantasies for the duration of a scene, or a weekend, or at certain times in a long-term relationship.
The very language we use to describe ourselves defines the boundary between kink and our everyday lives. We call it “play,” and call ourselves “players.” What we do is a “scene,” who we pretend to be is a “persona” or “role,” where we do it is in a “playroom,” and the implements we use are “toys.”
Understanding the difference between fantasy and reality is the customary definition of sanity, and it is our criterion for sane play. Good players become experts at negotiating this boundary, and adept at changing roles from “Lord of the Universe” to “It’s my turn to do the dishes, right?” Agility in these matters comes with practice, and a sense of humor is most helpful. What is important, psychologically and emotionally, is that we know when we are playing, and what we are playing, and when we are not.
In a previous book 2 , we compared this boundary to making a fireplace before you light the fire, so a force which could be scary and destructive becomes a safe source of heat, warmth, comfort and energy.
And so the space, mental or physical, in which we play out our kinks become like the play houses or treehouses of our childhoods ― a place set aside for make believe.
“Others find
Peace of mind
In pretending:
Couldn’t you? Couldn’t I? Couldn’t We?”
7
Your Kinky Person’s World - And Welcome To It
A brief hisory of sex-negativism. This idea that sex is immoral has been part of our culture for a very long time - so long that it can be hard to see the many consequences of these cultural values. To get an idea of how thoroughly such beliefs have pervaded our lives, take a minute to imagine what your life would be like if you had never experienced guilt or embarrassment or shame about your sexuality, your body or your fantasies. What would our lives be like if we were not limited by shame and negativity about sex?
In the last thirty years or so, there have been tremendous changes in how the world looks at sex. The “Sexual Revolution” of the sixties has engendered a more open discussion of sex, and the free exchange of a great deal more information - we doubt if you would have been able to read this book in the fifties. Our culture has also come to accept a much wider range of sexual behavior: sex outside of marriage is hardly controversial in most parts of the country; gay and lesbian lifestyles are openly accepted, and discrimination outlawed, in many areas. We hope that other alternative sexual behaviors will also someday gain such widespread acceptance.
Meanwhile, in the world we live in today, where kink is often viewed with almost superstitious horror, how do cultural taboos affect the kinky
Two different worlds . Probably the ultimate safety device in the playing out of fantasies is the clear boundary between scene space and the rest of our lives. Much of the content of most people’s fantasies, kidnappings, pleasure slaves, and so forth, are unacceptable approaches to how they are going to live their lives in the real world. If any of us choose to be victims or villains as a permanent lifestyle, like at work or raising the children, obviously we would be making dysfunctional choices with potential for harm to others, and our lives wouldn’t work out very well. So we make agreements with people we trust, and with clear negotiation, to pretend to be the creature of our fantasies for the duration of a scene, or a weekend, or at certain times in a long-term relationship.
The very language we use to describe ourselves defines the boundary between kink and our everyday lives. We call it “play,” and call ourselves “players.” What we do is a “scene,” who we pretend to be is a “persona” or “role,” where we do it is in a “playroom,” and the implements we use are “toys.”
Understanding the difference between fantasy and reality is the customary definition of sanity, and it is our criterion for sane play. Good players become experts at negotiating this boundary, and adept at changing roles from “Lord of the Universe” to “It’s my turn to do the dishes, right?” Agility in these matters comes with practice, and a sense of humor is most helpful. What is important, psychologically and emotionally, is that we know when we are playing, and what we are playing, and when we are not.
In a previous book 2 , we compared this boundary to making a fireplace before you light the fire, so a force which could be scary and destructive becomes a safe source of heat, warmth, comfort and energy.
And so the space, mental or physical, in which we play out our kinks become like the play houses or treehouses of our childhoods ― a place set aside for make believe.
“Others find
Peace of mind
In pretending:
Couldn’t you? Couldn’t I? Couldn’t We?”
7
Your Kinky Person’s World - And Welcome To It
A brief hisory of sex-negativism. This idea that sex is immoral has been part of our culture for a very long time - so long that it can be hard to see the many consequences of these cultural values. To get an idea of how thoroughly such beliefs have pervaded our lives, take a minute to imagine what your life would be like if you had never experienced guilt or embarrassment or shame about your sexuality, your body or your fantasies. What would our lives be like if we were not limited by shame and negativity about sex?
In the last thirty years or so, there have been tremendous changes in how the world looks at sex. The “Sexual Revolution” of the sixties has engendered a more open discussion of sex, and the free exchange of a great deal more information - we doubt if you would have been able to read this book in the fifties. Our culture has also come to accept a much wider range of sexual behavior: sex outside of marriage is hardly controversial in most parts of the country; gay and lesbian lifestyles are openly accepted, and discrimination outlawed, in many areas. We hope that other alternative sexual behaviors will also someday gain such widespread acceptance.
Meanwhile, in the world we live in today, where kink is often viewed with almost superstitious horror, how do cultural taboos affect the kinky
Similar Books
