Read Online Exercises in Style by Raymond Queneau - Free Book Online
Authors: Raymond Queneau
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without mishap into an ambulance full of stretcher cases. Amongst them I diagnosed a dyspeptic who was suffering from chronic gigantism with tracheal elongation and who was wearing a hat whose ribbon was deformed by rheumatism. This cretin suddenly worked himself up into a hysterical fit because a cacochymic was pounding his gomphous tylosis; then, having discharged his bile, he isolated himself to nurse his convulsions.
I saw him again later, he was standing outside a Lazaretto looking haggard and engaged in a consultation with a quack about a furuncle which was disfiguring his pectorals.
busive
After a stinking wait in the vile sun I finally got into a filthy bus
where a bunch of bastards were squashed together. The most bastardly of these bastards
was a pustulous creature with a ridiculously long windpipe who was sporting a grotesque
hat with a cord instead of a ribbon. This pretentious puppy started to create because an
old bastard was pounding his plates with senile fury, but he soon climbed down and made
off in the direction of an empty seat that was still damp with the sweat of the buttocks
of its previous occupant.
Two hours later, my unlucky day, I cameupon the
same bastard holding forth with another bastard in front of that nauseating monument
they call the gare Saint-Lazare. They were yammering about a button. Whether he has his
furuncle raised or lowered, I said to myself, he’ll still be just as lousy, the
dirty bastard.
astronomical
After slowly roasting in the browned butter of the sun I finally managed to get into a pistachio bus which was crawling with customers as an overripe cheese crawls with maggots. Having paid my fare, I noticed among all these noodles a poor fish with a neck as long as a stick of celery and a loaf surmounted by a ridiculous donkey’s dinner. This unsavoury character started to beef because a chap was pounding the joints of his cheeses to pulp. But when he found that he had bitten off more than he could chew, he quailed like a lily-livered dunghill-cock and bolted off to stew in his own juice.
I was digesting my lunch going back in the bus when I saw this half-baked individual in front of the buffet of the gare Saint-Lazare with a chap of his own kidney who was giving him the fruit of his experience on the subject of garnishing his coating, with particular reference to a cheese plate.
oological
In the dog days while I was in a bird cage at feeding time I noticed a young puppy with a neck like a giraffe who, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wore yet a precious beaver upon his head. This queer fish obviously had a bee in his bonnet and was quite bats, he started yak-yakking at a wolf in sheep’s clothing claiming that he was treading on his dogs with his beetle-crushers. But the sucker got a flea in his ear; that foxed him, and quiet as a mouse he ran like a hare for a perch.
I saw him again later in front of the Zoo with a young buck who was telling him to bear in mind a certain drill about his fevvers.
utile
How can one describe the impression created by the contact of ten bodies
squeezed together on the back platform of an S bus one day about noon near the rue de
Lisbonne? How can one express the impression made by the sight of an individual with a
neck so long as to be deformed and with a hat whose ribbon has been replaced, no one
knows why, by a bit of string? How can one convey the impression given by a quarrel
between a placid passenger unjustly accused of purposely treading on the toes of someone
and that grotesque someone happening to be the individual described above? How can one
translate the impressionprovoked by the latter’s flight,
disguising his feeble cowardice by pretending to benefit by a seat?
Finally, how can one formulate the impression caused by the
reappearance of this specimen in front of the gare Saint-Lazare two hours later
accompanied by a well-dressed friend who was suggesting a sartorial amelioration
I saw him again later, he was standing outside a Lazaretto looking haggard and engaged in a consultation with a quack about a furuncle which was disfiguring his pectorals.
busive
After a stinking wait in the vile sun I finally got into a filthy bus
where a bunch of bastards were squashed together. The most bastardly of these bastards
was a pustulous creature with a ridiculously long windpipe who was sporting a grotesque
hat with a cord instead of a ribbon. This pretentious puppy started to create because an
old bastard was pounding his plates with senile fury, but he soon climbed down and made
off in the direction of an empty seat that was still damp with the sweat of the buttocks
of its previous occupant.
Two hours later, my unlucky day, I cameupon the
same bastard holding forth with another bastard in front of that nauseating monument
they call the gare Saint-Lazare. They were yammering about a button. Whether he has his
furuncle raised or lowered, I said to myself, he’ll still be just as lousy, the
dirty bastard.
astronomical
After slowly roasting in the browned butter of the sun I finally managed to get into a pistachio bus which was crawling with customers as an overripe cheese crawls with maggots. Having paid my fare, I noticed among all these noodles a poor fish with a neck as long as a stick of celery and a loaf surmounted by a ridiculous donkey’s dinner. This unsavoury character started to beef because a chap was pounding the joints of his cheeses to pulp. But when he found that he had bitten off more than he could chew, he quailed like a lily-livered dunghill-cock and bolted off to stew in his own juice.
I was digesting my lunch going back in the bus when I saw this half-baked individual in front of the buffet of the gare Saint-Lazare with a chap of his own kidney who was giving him the fruit of his experience on the subject of garnishing his coating, with particular reference to a cheese plate.
oological
In the dog days while I was in a bird cage at feeding time I noticed a young puppy with a neck like a giraffe who, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wore yet a precious beaver upon his head. This queer fish obviously had a bee in his bonnet and was quite bats, he started yak-yakking at a wolf in sheep’s clothing claiming that he was treading on his dogs with his beetle-crushers. But the sucker got a flea in his ear; that foxed him, and quiet as a mouse he ran like a hare for a perch.
I saw him again later in front of the Zoo with a young buck who was telling him to bear in mind a certain drill about his fevvers.
utile
How can one describe the impression created by the contact of ten bodies
squeezed together on the back platform of an S bus one day about noon near the rue de
Lisbonne? How can one express the impression made by the sight of an individual with a
neck so long as to be deformed and with a hat whose ribbon has been replaced, no one
knows why, by a bit of string? How can one convey the impression given by a quarrel
between a placid passenger unjustly accused of purposely treading on the toes of someone
and that grotesque someone happening to be the individual described above? How can one
translate the impressionprovoked by the latter’s flight,
disguising his feeble cowardice by pretending to benefit by a seat?
Finally, how can one formulate the impression caused by the
reappearance of this specimen in front of the gare Saint-Lazare two hours later
accompanied by a well-dressed friend who was suggesting a sartorial amelioration
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