Read Online End Game by Tabatha Wenzel - Free Book Online Page B

this one should be first, is to fall in love with myself. It
all sounds stupid, but it’s true. I can’t really ever love someone
else if I don’t love me. I am hoping, doing all the things I was
too afraid of before, will give me the courage to love myself. I
can’t accomplish the next part of my list if I don’t.
    The second thing on my list is to fall in
love. To be more specific, have Zane fall in love with me. I have a
feeling falling in love with myself maybe harder. I know I
shouldn’t want him to want me. I should hate him, but I don’t. If
any of this therapy, or whatever all this is, is going to work,
then I have to be honest with myself. I want him to love me, but
not before I learn to love myself. Right now, I am still filled
with so much fear.
    What if I get fat again? Would he fall out of
love with me? Why couldn’t he have loved me when I was heavier? I
guess, when I grow some balls, these are the things I need to ask
him. I know that when I have the confidence, and love within
myself, I can ask him all of these things. I am not really sure if
this part of my list will ever be complete, but maybe I can learn
to just be happy with having him as my friend again. I am sure that
will be enough. Won’t it? I fall asleep…thinking about Zane…loving
me.

Chapter Eleven
    The next month flew by. I was finally getting into
the flow of my classes. Ray and I were still getting along, and
trying hard to be honest with each other. As for Zane and I, we
have been having dinner together at least every other night. He
says it is because I am a much better cook than the guys at his
frat, but I want to believe it is because he wants to be with me.
We have also been trying to figure out a way to get Collin and
Rayanne together.
    Tonight, I won’t be able to have dinner with
Zane, and I have to tell him. For some reason I am so nervous. He
isn’t my boyfriend, and I know he is just my friend, but having to
tell him I have a date tonight feels weird.
    I am at the café waiting for Zane to show up
for his usual coffee. He always makes sure to stop by when I am
working. I have to suck up my fear and tell him I have a date with
Jason.
    I can’t believe that I am going out with him
again, but he is on my list. Date a guy, just because he is hot,
and that is what Jason is to me. He is just a hot guy to learn how
to make out with it. When I actually kiss someone, who I really
want to kiss, I want to know what I am doing. Don’t get me wrong,
kissing Jason is anything but a punishment, just not who I really
want to be kissing. I should ask Rayanne if that makes me a
slut.
    Before I can continue my thoughts, I hear the
bell, over the door. I look up and there he is, looking yummy.
Zane.
    “So what are you making me for dinner
tonight, Hannah Banana Split?”
    “Um… about that Zane. I can’t have dinner
with you tonight.”
    “What? You got a hot date or something?” Zane
chuckles.
    I looked at Zane, hoping he would see what I
was trying to say. I really didn’t want to tell him about
Jason.
    “Oh, you do have a date tonight. Do I know
with who?”
    “Yeah,” I paused and said, “I am going out
with Jason again.”
    “Oh come on, Hannah. Why him? He is an idiot.
You could do so much better than him.”
    Should I actually tell him the truth about
why I was going out with Jason? I thought about it for second and
decided I had to.
    “Okay Zane. Do you want to know the truth
about why I am going out with Jason? It’s because he is on my
list.”
    Telling Zane about my list is also on my
list. I know I can never honestly get Zane to love me. I mean,
loving myself is one thing, but if Zane really were to ever love
me, I want him to just because he does. I don’t want to have to do
anything that is sexy, or crazy, for him to want me. I want him to
want just the plain Jane version of me. So, the Zane part of my
list has been revised. I want to trust him and believe in our
friendship again. I want to forgive him.