Emily, you. are. so. fucking. beautiful. So what if you have scars instead of breasts. They don’t define you. They represent the strength that is inside that determined spirit of yours. And quite frankly, I find that incredibly arousing.”
Once again I looked at my hands as if to hide. Alan had had enough!
“Stop!” he shouted. “Hold your eyes and head up! Never look down or away for anyone. There is no shame in being proud of who you are and what you have been through. The only shame comes if we allow others who belittle, lie, or gossip about us to win. Karma is a lady who is always aware of the injustices of life and her payback is a Bitch, Emily. Don’t ever bow down to anyone because you think you are less than what you truly are. Don’t bow down to anyone who thinks they are better than you.”
I allowed him to take me into his arms and hold me. His arms felt so secure and warm; I didn’t want to let him go. I let him hold me for several minutes and then sat back to ask, “Where do we go from here?”
“You have to decide that. I can’t do it for you. I know what I want but this is your decision. I think instead of that picnic this evening, I should let you have the rest of the day to think about what you want and come to terms with it. Then tonight after dinner we’ll talk. Whatever you want is how things will be. I won’t fight you on it.”
“I think that sounds like a good idea,” I answered. “I need some time alone to think it all through. Can we skip dinner and just meet at eight?”
“That would be fine with me only let’s make it seven thirty. Do you want to meet in your cabin or in mine?” he asked.
“Let’s meet in your room. I’ll come over and we can talk,” I suggested.
We rode back to the cabins where he dropped me off at my door. We both agreed to meet again at seven thirty. I shuffled into my cabin and fell down on the bed. My emotions were being dragged in every direction. Tears began falling from my eyes. I cried tears for the memory of Doug and how much I missed his guidance and support. I cried for the man staying in the last cabin. How had he become so important to me in such a short amount of time?
“God, am I a whore?” I shouted at the ceiling and then began to sob out of control. Alan had brought me back to the edge of living again. He had made me feel and want once again. At sixty-two years old I should be through with all the romance and sexual shit. However, he brought them out in me by simply being in the same room with me. His touch ignited fires in me that I thought were long dead. His lips, dear God, his lips made me melt into a small puddle at his feet. That voice could launch ships and made me want to do whatever he asked. I rolled over, buried my face in the comforter and sobbed uncontrollably.
Finally, I cried because I was indecisive and insecure about what I wanted. When had I let myself become such a whining woman? I was stronger than this. My mind was strong and I knew what I wanted out of life.
Sitting up, I wiped the tears from my face determined to shake off my confusion. One by one, I went back over everything that Alan had recited to me today. He made perfect sense to me when he made me see the truth behind his attraction to me. In my mind, I weighed the pros and cons of continuing to see him. One side far outweighed the other but how was I going to handle the information? Deep inside my heart I knew what I had to do and it would be one of the hardest things I had ever done.
I looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was three-thirty giving me four hours before I met with him. All my sappy crying had worn me out; I needed a nap. Setting the alarm for two hours would give me another two hours to shower and dress. Hopefully, I would be clear headed and ready to give him my decision. As my head hit the pillow, I wondered how Alan would react to my choice. Before I could even form an
Once again I looked at my hands as if to hide. Alan had had enough!
“Stop!” he shouted. “Hold your eyes and head up! Never look down or away for anyone. There is no shame in being proud of who you are and what you have been through. The only shame comes if we allow others who belittle, lie, or gossip about us to win. Karma is a lady who is always aware of the injustices of life and her payback is a Bitch, Emily. Don’t ever bow down to anyone because you think you are less than what you truly are. Don’t bow down to anyone who thinks they are better than you.”
I allowed him to take me into his arms and hold me. His arms felt so secure and warm; I didn’t want to let him go. I let him hold me for several minutes and then sat back to ask, “Where do we go from here?”
“You have to decide that. I can’t do it for you. I know what I want but this is your decision. I think instead of that picnic this evening, I should let you have the rest of the day to think about what you want and come to terms with it. Then tonight after dinner we’ll talk. Whatever you want is how things will be. I won’t fight you on it.”
“I think that sounds like a good idea,” I answered. “I need some time alone to think it all through. Can we skip dinner and just meet at eight?”
“That would be fine with me only let’s make it seven thirty. Do you want to meet in your cabin or in mine?” he asked.
“Let’s meet in your room. I’ll come over and we can talk,” I suggested.
We rode back to the cabins where he dropped me off at my door. We both agreed to meet again at seven thirty. I shuffled into my cabin and fell down on the bed. My emotions were being dragged in every direction. Tears began falling from my eyes. I cried tears for the memory of Doug and how much I missed his guidance and support. I cried for the man staying in the last cabin. How had he become so important to me in such a short amount of time?
“God, am I a whore?” I shouted at the ceiling and then began to sob out of control. Alan had brought me back to the edge of living again. He had made me feel and want once again. At sixty-two years old I should be through with all the romance and sexual shit. However, he brought them out in me by simply being in the same room with me. His touch ignited fires in me that I thought were long dead. His lips, dear God, his lips made me melt into a small puddle at his feet. That voice could launch ships and made me want to do whatever he asked. I rolled over, buried my face in the comforter and sobbed uncontrollably.
Finally, I cried because I was indecisive and insecure about what I wanted. When had I let myself become such a whining woman? I was stronger than this. My mind was strong and I knew what I wanted out of life.
Sitting up, I wiped the tears from my face determined to shake off my confusion. One by one, I went back over everything that Alan had recited to me today. He made perfect sense to me when he made me see the truth behind his attraction to me. In my mind, I weighed the pros and cons of continuing to see him. One side far outweighed the other but how was I going to handle the information? Deep inside my heart I knew what I had to do and it would be one of the hardest things I had ever done.
I looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was three-thirty giving me four hours before I met with him. All my sappy crying had worn me out; I needed a nap. Setting the alarm for two hours would give me another two hours to shower and dress. Hopefully, I would be clear headed and ready to give him my decision. As my head hit the pillow, I wondered how Alan would react to my choice. Before I could even form an
Similar Books
