lips and they lay flat on their stomachs and shimmied to the edge of the roof.
Below them, Tom stood talking with a bounty hunter Benny had met a few times at New Year’s parties. Sam “Basher” Bashman. He was a slim, dark-haired man who carried two baseball bats. Both were old and battered, but from what Tom had said, Basher had owned them since the days when he played second base for the Philadelphia Phillies in a world that no longer existed.
“So, you’re really bent on taking your brother and his girlfriend out there?” asked Basher.
“Absolutely,” Tom said.
“Why? No one’s seen the jet since that one time. And I’ve asked everyone about that.”
“Still have to look,” said Tom.
Basher shook his head. “Ruin’s getting weird, man. Youhaven’t been out there much lately, but people are dying, and it’s not zoms. With Charlie gone it’s an all-out fight to take over his territory. You think this trip’s wise, man?”
“Not really,” Tom admitted.
“Then why do it?”
Tom paused, and Benny and Nix shimmied an inch closer to the edge. “If I don’t take them out there … they’ll find a way to go by themselves.”
There was more to the conversation, but Tom and Basher were now walking away, heading back to town.
Benny sat up and stared into the middle distance.
Nix turned to look at him, and the afternoon sunlight made her hair even redder. And her eyes greener.
“Benny … ? Can I ask you a question and get a real answer?”
Depends on the question,
thought Benny. There were some questions he’d rather throw himself off the roof than answer.
“Sure.”
“Is he right? If Tom wasn’t going to go, if it was just Lilah and me … would you go?”
“Without Tom?”
“Yes.”
He settled back and looked at the clouds for almost a minute before he answered. It was a good question. The crucial question, and he’d wrestled with it and chewed on it since they’d seen the jet last year. Did he want to go?
Benny weighed his feelings very carefully. The answer was not a thing he could just reach inside and grab. It was buried deep, hidden in the soil of his subconscious and his needs and desires. On some level he knew that he needed to know whohe was before he could rationally and accurately answer that question, and since last September he had been constantly trying to explore who he was. Especially in terms of who he was at this moment. If he didn’t know who he was now, how could he know who he would be out there in the Ruin? What if he wasn’t up to the challenge? What if after being out there he realized that he preferred the comforts of Mountainside? What if he wasn’t a crusader for change after all?
Ugly, troublesome questions, and he had no real answers at all.
The ugliest part was that the one thing he was sure of was that he could find those answers only out in the Ruin. For good or ill.
“Yes,” he said eventually. “Yes … I’d go with you no matter what.”
Nix smiled and took his hand. “I believe you.” She added, “If you’d answered right away I would have known you were lying. Telling me what I wanted to hear. I’m glad you respect me enough to think it through.”
He said nothing, but he squeezed her hand.
“Benny?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you scared?”
“About tomorrow? Yeah,” he said, “I’m freaking terrified.”
“Me too.” After a moment she said, “It’s so big, you know?”
“Yeah.”
“Leaving everything behind. Everyone we know.”
“Yeah.”
Five minutes rolled by, and the last of the clouds melted into endless blue. A lone hawk floated high above them.
Nix said, “I want to ask you one more thing.”
He tensed, but said, “Okay.”
Nix took his face in both of her hands. “Do you love me, Benny?”
Those five words sucked all the air out of planet Earth and left Benny gasping like a trout. His eyes wanted to look left and right to see if there was a way out of this. Maybe he could jump off the roof. Even
Below them, Tom stood talking with a bounty hunter Benny had met a few times at New Year’s parties. Sam “Basher” Bashman. He was a slim, dark-haired man who carried two baseball bats. Both were old and battered, but from what Tom had said, Basher had owned them since the days when he played second base for the Philadelphia Phillies in a world that no longer existed.
“So, you’re really bent on taking your brother and his girlfriend out there?” asked Basher.
“Absolutely,” Tom said.
“Why? No one’s seen the jet since that one time. And I’ve asked everyone about that.”
“Still have to look,” said Tom.
Basher shook his head. “Ruin’s getting weird, man. Youhaven’t been out there much lately, but people are dying, and it’s not zoms. With Charlie gone it’s an all-out fight to take over his territory. You think this trip’s wise, man?”
“Not really,” Tom admitted.
“Then why do it?”
Tom paused, and Benny and Nix shimmied an inch closer to the edge. “If I don’t take them out there … they’ll find a way to go by themselves.”
There was more to the conversation, but Tom and Basher were now walking away, heading back to town.
Benny sat up and stared into the middle distance.
Nix turned to look at him, and the afternoon sunlight made her hair even redder. And her eyes greener.
“Benny … ? Can I ask you a question and get a real answer?”
Depends on the question,
thought Benny. There were some questions he’d rather throw himself off the roof than answer.
“Sure.”
“Is he right? If Tom wasn’t going to go, if it was just Lilah and me … would you go?”
“Without Tom?”
“Yes.”
He settled back and looked at the clouds for almost a minute before he answered. It was a good question. The crucial question, and he’d wrestled with it and chewed on it since they’d seen the jet last year. Did he want to go?
Benny weighed his feelings very carefully. The answer was not a thing he could just reach inside and grab. It was buried deep, hidden in the soil of his subconscious and his needs and desires. On some level he knew that he needed to know whohe was before he could rationally and accurately answer that question, and since last September he had been constantly trying to explore who he was. Especially in terms of who he was at this moment. If he didn’t know who he was now, how could he know who he would be out there in the Ruin? What if he wasn’t up to the challenge? What if after being out there he realized that he preferred the comforts of Mountainside? What if he wasn’t a crusader for change after all?
Ugly, troublesome questions, and he had no real answers at all.
The ugliest part was that the one thing he was sure of was that he could find those answers only out in the Ruin. For good or ill.
“Yes,” he said eventually. “Yes … I’d go with you no matter what.”
Nix smiled and took his hand. “I believe you.” She added, “If you’d answered right away I would have known you were lying. Telling me what I wanted to hear. I’m glad you respect me enough to think it through.”
He said nothing, but he squeezed her hand.
“Benny?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you scared?”
“About tomorrow? Yeah,” he said, “I’m freaking terrified.”
“Me too.” After a moment she said, “It’s so big, you know?”
“Yeah.”
“Leaving everything behind. Everyone we know.”
“Yeah.”
Five minutes rolled by, and the last of the clouds melted into endless blue. A lone hawk floated high above them.
Nix said, “I want to ask you one more thing.”
He tensed, but said, “Okay.”
Nix took his face in both of her hands. “Do you love me, Benny?”
Those five words sucked all the air out of planet Earth and left Benny gasping like a trout. His eyes wanted to look left and right to see if there was a way out of this. Maybe he could jump off the roof. Even
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