Read Online Down From the Clouds by Marilyn Grey - Free Book Online

sidelines of life gives you a lot of time to think about what you don’t want to do if you ever decide to play. And spending life as a pendulum wasn’t something I wanted to do. Any second those pendulums could fly right off into some oblivion. Balance, when savored with passion, can do a soul good.
    I let Ella run with the business plans and boy did she run.
    "You sure you don't need my help?" I yelled down the basement steps.
    "I don't need it." Her voice echoed back. "But I always want you near me.”
    "Patrick wanted to meet up with Matt and I tonight. Should I go?"
    "If you come and kiss me first."
     

     
    We finished our dessert in the dimly lit restaurant. Matt asked the waiter for another water. Patrick and I did the same.
    "So," Matt said. I knew what would come next.
    "You wanna know if Heidi and I are together?" Apparently Patrick knew too. 
    Matt nodded and shrugged. Then sipped his water as he motioned for Patrick to tell us. I swear Matt had the mind of a woman sometimes. Maybe even most times. He loved relationship details. I feel uncomfortable asking people what kind of underwear they buy and how many times they have sex a year. Not Matt.
    "We're just friends." He cleared his throat. "Best friends. But just friends."
    I smiled. "Come on. Are you trying to make yourself believe that?"
    "We see the way you look at each other." Matt slipped the waiter his credit card. I knew he'd try to pay for the entire meal. He always did.
    "I'm not gonna lie. I fell in love with her. She knows it, but she wanted to stay committed to Andy and she's trying to stick to it." He sighed. "I don't know how or why we met, but if anything, I'm going to be there for her until the day one of us dies."
    "What are the chances?" I imagined Ella's face the first night I finally kissed her.
    "The chances of what?"
    "Of you losing your wife and Heidi losing her husband and you both falling in love when you both vowed not to?"
    "I don't know. What are the chances?"
    "Tell me this,” Matt said. “What was your relationship like with your wife?"
    "Honestly?" He rubbed his facial hair, repositioned himself, and looked down. "It was hard."
    "Because she was dying?"
    "No, because she wanted to die." He exhaled. "I gave my life to that girl. Just couldn't fix her. I did love her though. Loved her with every ounce in me."
    I leaned forward. "What were you trying to fix?"
    "She had a lot of trauma from her past. I wanted to help her heal, but it's almost as though she didn't want to heal. She loved me. And I promised my life to her. But we were never lovers."
    "You mean you never had sex? Not even once?"
    "Yes." Patrick sipped his water until only ice cubes were left.
    "Why?"
    "She was raped by her father as a child. She never wanted me to touch her. Sometimes I'd reach for her hand and she'd flinch." He shook his head as though the very memories would fall to the ground and disappear if he shook hard enough. 
    "So it was like being married to your best friend, but no romance?" I said. 
    "We had romance. Just not in your typical Ella Rhodes way."
    I smiled. "Understatement."
    "Gavin has a lot to live up to," Matt said. 
    I laughed. "I'd dress in a Prince Charming outfit and parade around in a horse drawn carriage if she asked me to." Once our laughter died down I looked at Patrick. "Can I ask you something?"
    He nodded.
    "If you didn't have sex or touch, and you didn't feel loved in return, how did you love her so much?" I held up my hand. "Wait. I know that sounds bad. I don't mean it like that. I guess what I'm asking is, how would you define the love that you guys had?”
    Patrick tilted his head and squinted, absorbed in memories. Matt crunched an ice cube as we waited for him to answer.
    "Well," he said. "I'm not sure I can explain what we had."
    "Why did you marry her?"
    "Sometimes things just don't make sense to the world. I think love is one of those things. The more we try to think about it and define it, the more we distort it with