affected, he vowed silently. The far-reaching task loomed insurmountable at the moment, but he had only been back in Ramona a few hours. He would find a way.
Alejandro pulled his gnarled hand from Zac's, lifted it, and Zac leaned forward to receive a facial caress. He wanted to cry again, but there was a limit to how much solace a grown man was entitled to seek.
"I think you should know—I'm not sure why I think this. Maybe it's selfishness, but I want you to know I really loved Carron. It wasn't just rooting around— machismo ." The curse of the Mexican male. "Maybe it was at first, but not for long. You didn't raise me like that, no matter what I accused you of in my blaming phase.
"I loved Maggie and Allie too, and when I found out Carron was so sick, that she was dying, things went a little crazy." His mind went into a tailspin as he relived feeling trapped, believing he must stand by Carron even though he had wanted the affair to end months before he discovered her impending death. He took a deep breath, bringing himself back. "I tried holding it together, but I couldn't. I put her first because I was naïve enough to think I could change her dying. I thought I could make her love me enough to stay alive."
Alejandro ran one rough-nailed finger across Zac's cheekbone and caught an escaping tear. Zac grasped the old brown hand. He splayed the fingers and sank his face into the calloused palm, gathering strength, absorbing the love in his father's touch. Zac lifted his eyes back to those warm, ebony pools that welcomed him.
"I went straight to Maggie today and asked her to take me back. Not because I thought you would like that, or it was the right thing to do. I've wanted her every moment since that freighter left the Houston dock." He let the past year, the cold empty bunk and lonely ports, run through his mind. Then Portofino crossed his memory screen followed by feelings he was unsure of how to categorize. "Maggie said no. That hurts, but I respect her for it. I'm afraid that part of my life is over." She had seemed resolute, at peace with it. "She forgives me. I need to know you forgive me, too. Then I can start to live again." He searched Alejandro's eyes. "Will you forgive me, Papa?"
Zac wasn't to endure even a moment's uncertainty.
"I forgave you, Zaccheus, for everything you will ever do, the day you were born." He stared in the middle distance, then moved his dark gaze back to Zac's. "If Allie had lived you would have understood that someday."
Another part of Zac began to function again. One by one the pieces were falling back in place to complete the fragmented puzzle he had become.
"You are a young man, mi hijo . A good man. You deserve many sons and daughters so that you may feel what I feel now."
"You just gave me a blessing." Zac's smile erupted from his gut, coursed through his body, engulfing his face.
Alejandro laughed. "Neither am I God, niño ."
He was, at the moment. When Zac announced, "Here's the plan," interest flicked across Alejandro's face. "First of all, we're going to fix a room big enough for you and Mama to be together, and get a bed big enough for the two of you. You've seen the kind I?m talking about on television—mechanical controls so you can sleep sitting up on your half of the bed—or whatever you need. And Mama can do anything she likes on her side. You have to be together. Do you agree?"
Alejandro nodded and smiled, his brown-parchment skin crinkling around his eyes and mouth.
"Then, we're getting a boat. The Ramona Tres . I'm going to fish again, just like I was conceived to do, just like you taught me. You'll go with me." Grinning, he nodded toward the gleaming-steel wheelchair parked in a corner. "You can sit in that chair in the sun and watch me, Papa. You can tell me when I'm not doing it right. We'll eat Chorizos and tortillas until we're fat. We'll drink beer all the way back to the dock so we'll be in a good mood when the customers come for our shrimp. We'll
Alejandro pulled his gnarled hand from Zac's, lifted it, and Zac leaned forward to receive a facial caress. He wanted to cry again, but there was a limit to how much solace a grown man was entitled to seek.
"I think you should know—I'm not sure why I think this. Maybe it's selfishness, but I want you to know I really loved Carron. It wasn't just rooting around— machismo ." The curse of the Mexican male. "Maybe it was at first, but not for long. You didn't raise me like that, no matter what I accused you of in my blaming phase.
"I loved Maggie and Allie too, and when I found out Carron was so sick, that she was dying, things went a little crazy." His mind went into a tailspin as he relived feeling trapped, believing he must stand by Carron even though he had wanted the affair to end months before he discovered her impending death. He took a deep breath, bringing himself back. "I tried holding it together, but I couldn't. I put her first because I was naïve enough to think I could change her dying. I thought I could make her love me enough to stay alive."
Alejandro ran one rough-nailed finger across Zac's cheekbone and caught an escaping tear. Zac grasped the old brown hand. He splayed the fingers and sank his face into the calloused palm, gathering strength, absorbing the love in his father's touch. Zac lifted his eyes back to those warm, ebony pools that welcomed him.
"I went straight to Maggie today and asked her to take me back. Not because I thought you would like that, or it was the right thing to do. I've wanted her every moment since that freighter left the Houston dock." He let the past year, the cold empty bunk and lonely ports, run through his mind. Then Portofino crossed his memory screen followed by feelings he was unsure of how to categorize. "Maggie said no. That hurts, but I respect her for it. I'm afraid that part of my life is over." She had seemed resolute, at peace with it. "She forgives me. I need to know you forgive me, too. Then I can start to live again." He searched Alejandro's eyes. "Will you forgive me, Papa?"
Zac wasn't to endure even a moment's uncertainty.
"I forgave you, Zaccheus, for everything you will ever do, the day you were born." He stared in the middle distance, then moved his dark gaze back to Zac's. "If Allie had lived you would have understood that someday."
Another part of Zac began to function again. One by one the pieces were falling back in place to complete the fragmented puzzle he had become.
"You are a young man, mi hijo . A good man. You deserve many sons and daughters so that you may feel what I feel now."
"You just gave me a blessing." Zac's smile erupted from his gut, coursed through his body, engulfing his face.
Alejandro laughed. "Neither am I God, niño ."
He was, at the moment. When Zac announced, "Here's the plan," interest flicked across Alejandro's face. "First of all, we're going to fix a room big enough for you and Mama to be together, and get a bed big enough for the two of you. You've seen the kind I?m talking about on television—mechanical controls so you can sleep sitting up on your half of the bed—or whatever you need. And Mama can do anything she likes on her side. You have to be together. Do you agree?"
Alejandro nodded and smiled, his brown-parchment skin crinkling around his eyes and mouth.
"Then, we're getting a boat. The Ramona Tres . I'm going to fish again, just like I was conceived to do, just like you taught me. You'll go with me." Grinning, he nodded toward the gleaming-steel wheelchair parked in a corner. "You can sit in that chair in the sun and watch me, Papa. You can tell me when I'm not doing it right. We'll eat Chorizos and tortillas until we're fat. We'll drink beer all the way back to the dock so we'll be in a good mood when the customers come for our shrimp. We'll
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