spread out over the sand, looking out over his
private beach, reveling in the beauty of the moon on the water.
“Sometimes
I feel like we have a secret,” whispers Mr. X to me. “Something nobody else can
ever understand. Now that you know who I am and what I'm doing at the Blue
Room, it's more intense than ever.”
“Are
you getting close to finding out what happened?” I ask.
“Maybe,”
he says. “I certainly hope so. I'm worried, though. Once we do find out what
happened at the Blue Room with Roz's killer – will I have to stop playing the
part of your Mr. X? I hope not. I find myself loath to leave this whole world
behind now that I know the pleasure it brings.”
“Me
too,” I admit. “This fantasy, this whole world. It's part of who I am now. I
don't know how I'm going to let go. I'm so focused on finding out about Roz's
killer, and all the secrets of the Blue Room...what happens next?”
“If
only we could just be happy together,” whispers Mr. X. “Just you and me by the
sea. If only we could just live inside a dream. Would that be enough, do you
think, my love? Or would your ambitions take you far away from me?”
“I
could never be far from you,” I answer him. But my heart is churning like the
midnight sea.
Chapter 8
M y night with Xander Blue ends as beautifully
as it began. We stay out until midnight, lying naked together on his silk divan
spread out over the white sands on his private beach, watching the moon slowly
vanish behind clouds and the light it casts on the water slowly fade. It is the
most beautiful feeling in the world: being with him, being happy.
But
I know it can't last. Soon it's dawn, and as the rosy-fingers of sunrise make
their way across the horizon, Xander is driving me back to Blue Towers. I want
to cry, although I know it's stupid to do so. This is the end of an assignment,
nothing more. He slips the envelope full of cash into my hand, the way he
always does. Then he kisses me goodbye: a light, tender touching of our lips.
“I'll
miss you,” he says. “But Staci – I'm worried it's getting too dangerous out
there. For you. For us.” He looks down at his shoes, a dark shadow across his
face. “I will see you again, Staci, but I don't know how much longer it can go
on...”
“What
are you talking about?”
“You
and me, Staci,” his voice is gentle and tender. “I'm worried this is getting
intense. It's not safe for you. I'll see you again, but after that...I don't
know. I'm sorry, Staci. I should have said something sooner. I just didn't want
to ruin a single moment of our beautiful night together”
“No,
of course,” I say. I am the consummate professional: adaptable, flexible. I
know when a job is just a job. “Whatever you want,” I say. “It's up to you.”
I
go to my room before he can see the tears stinging my eyes. I sit for a while
by myself, letting the tears flow freely.
Stupid
Staci, I berate myself, how many times do you have to be reminded that
this is just a fantasy? How many times are you going to fall for the same cheap
lies men tell women? Didn't your upbringing teach you anything? Now both
Terrence and Xander are pulling away from me: both making it clear that I'm
just a good-time girl for both of them, nothing more.
I
sigh. I guess I'm just the same old stupid fool I used to be on day one. Life
in the Blue Room hasn't toughened me up as much as I'd hoped.
I
look over at my answering machine to see a bright red blinking dot on it: one
voicemail. I'm hoping against hope that it will be Xander, calling to tell me
he's changed his mind, that he wants
private beach, reveling in the beauty of the moon on the water.
“Sometimes
I feel like we have a secret,” whispers Mr. X to me. “Something nobody else can
ever understand. Now that you know who I am and what I'm doing at the Blue
Room, it's more intense than ever.”
“Are
you getting close to finding out what happened?” I ask.
“Maybe,”
he says. “I certainly hope so. I'm worried, though. Once we do find out what
happened at the Blue Room with Roz's killer – will I have to stop playing the
part of your Mr. X? I hope not. I find myself loath to leave this whole world
behind now that I know the pleasure it brings.”
“Me
too,” I admit. “This fantasy, this whole world. It's part of who I am now. I
don't know how I'm going to let go. I'm so focused on finding out about Roz's
killer, and all the secrets of the Blue Room...what happens next?”
“If
only we could just be happy together,” whispers Mr. X. “Just you and me by the
sea. If only we could just live inside a dream. Would that be enough, do you
think, my love? Or would your ambitions take you far away from me?”
“I
could never be far from you,” I answer him. But my heart is churning like the
midnight sea.
Chapter 8
M y night with Xander Blue ends as beautifully
as it began. We stay out until midnight, lying naked together on his silk divan
spread out over the white sands on his private beach, watching the moon slowly
vanish behind clouds and the light it casts on the water slowly fade. It is the
most beautiful feeling in the world: being with him, being happy.
But
I know it can't last. Soon it's dawn, and as the rosy-fingers of sunrise make
their way across the horizon, Xander is driving me back to Blue Towers. I want
to cry, although I know it's stupid to do so. This is the end of an assignment,
nothing more. He slips the envelope full of cash into my hand, the way he
always does. Then he kisses me goodbye: a light, tender touching of our lips.
“I'll
miss you,” he says. “But Staci – I'm worried it's getting too dangerous out
there. For you. For us.” He looks down at his shoes, a dark shadow across his
face. “I will see you again, Staci, but I don't know how much longer it can go
on...”
“What
are you talking about?”
“You
and me, Staci,” his voice is gentle and tender. “I'm worried this is getting
intense. It's not safe for you. I'll see you again, but after that...I don't
know. I'm sorry, Staci. I should have said something sooner. I just didn't want
to ruin a single moment of our beautiful night together”
“No,
of course,” I say. I am the consummate professional: adaptable, flexible. I
know when a job is just a job. “Whatever you want,” I say. “It's up to you.”
I
go to my room before he can see the tears stinging my eyes. I sit for a while
by myself, letting the tears flow freely.
Stupid
Staci, I berate myself, how many times do you have to be reminded that
this is just a fantasy? How many times are you going to fall for the same cheap
lies men tell women? Didn't your upbringing teach you anything? Now both
Terrence and Xander are pulling away from me: both making it clear that I'm
just a good-time girl for both of them, nothing more.
I
sigh. I guess I'm just the same old stupid fool I used to be on day one. Life
in the Blue Room hasn't toughened me up as much as I'd hoped.
I
look over at my answering machine to see a bright red blinking dot on it: one
voicemail. I'm hoping against hope that it will be Xander, calling to tell me
he's changed his mind, that he wants
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