with members between meetings, if it’s the group norm to do so.
Finally, follow suggestions, especially from people who have been successful in overcoming a problem that is similar to yours. If someone suggests you call two people on the phone list, do it. If someone suggests you join the group for dinner at the diner afterward, do it. If someone suggests you obtain a sponsor (as is common in Twelve Step meetings) or read a particular book, do it. If someone suggests another meeting, attend it. If you go to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and they suggest you go grocery shopping on a full stomach and take a friend with whom you can be accountable, then do that. That said, use your judgment and don’t do anything that feels unsafe or inappropriate, but in general you want to harvest the successes of others so you can make them your own. One important way of doing that is to ask them how they succeeded and then follow those recommendations.
Groups are extraordinarily effective in helping people deal with their cravings, and in most cases, participating in a group that is focused on your particular craving is much more effective than trying to address your craving by yourself or just with a counselor. Find groups, join them, and use them.
…
8
The Naïve Perception of Immunity
“Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.”
— DALAI LAMA
An unfortunately common but sad situation familiar to anyone who has ever worked in an addiction treatment center is when someone leaves treatment prematurely, believing they are cured and will never drink or use drugs again. One of the best examples of this was a man I treated several years ago whom I’ll call “Jim.” Jim, who was a sixty-something physician, arrived in residential addiction treatment for alcoholism as a result of pressure from his two adult children and his grandchildren. Jim was not the sort of person who bowed to pressure from anyone, but when his granddaughter read him a letter describing the impact his drinking had on their relationship, he knew he needed help. Although Jim was initially reluctant to get help, once he arrived in treatment he described the choice to get treatment as one he had been thinking about for a long time and that he just needed the right excuse to find the time. It was so important to his brain to experience a sense of control that his recollection became distorted and created the story that entering treatment was his idea all along. This is very common and is an example of the hindsight bias we discussed in chapter 3 .
After some time getting familiar with his peers, his counselor, and me, he started to develop some trust in us and revealed that, in fact, he had made numerous efforts to decrease or stop his drinking. These attempts would usually last a few days or weeks before he invariably started drinking again. He described strategies such as promising himself he wouldn’t drink, staying at work later into the evenings to avoid going to the liquor store, switching to nonalcoholic beer, even taking self-prescribed Antabuse, a drug that makes you sick if you drink while taking it. (The adage “physician, heal thyself” is usually not a good idea, especially when it comes to self-prescribing.) He admitted to me that, truth be told, he knew he couldn’t stop. My staff believed he was beginning to make some progress and look at how he might reduce his risk of relapse when, all of a sudden, Jim announced to the group that he now understood alcoholism and would “never drink again.” He described a sense of profound insight into his alcohol use and the reasons why he drank. He was certain that he had changed substantially, ensuring he would remain sober. He dismissed the experience of his peers in rehab who explained that they, too, had believed at times that acquiring some insight and making different plans would be sufficient to avert relapse.
Jim planned to leave treatment immediately. All
Finally, follow suggestions, especially from people who have been successful in overcoming a problem that is similar to yours. If someone suggests you call two people on the phone list, do it. If someone suggests you join the group for dinner at the diner afterward, do it. If someone suggests you obtain a sponsor (as is common in Twelve Step meetings) or read a particular book, do it. If someone suggests another meeting, attend it. If you go to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and they suggest you go grocery shopping on a full stomach and take a friend with whom you can be accountable, then do that. That said, use your judgment and don’t do anything that feels unsafe or inappropriate, but in general you want to harvest the successes of others so you can make them your own. One important way of doing that is to ask them how they succeeded and then follow those recommendations.
Groups are extraordinarily effective in helping people deal with their cravings, and in most cases, participating in a group that is focused on your particular craving is much more effective than trying to address your craving by yourself or just with a counselor. Find groups, join them, and use them.
…
8
The Naïve Perception of Immunity
“Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.”
— DALAI LAMA
An unfortunately common but sad situation familiar to anyone who has ever worked in an addiction treatment center is when someone leaves treatment prematurely, believing they are cured and will never drink or use drugs again. One of the best examples of this was a man I treated several years ago whom I’ll call “Jim.” Jim, who was a sixty-something physician, arrived in residential addiction treatment for alcoholism as a result of pressure from his two adult children and his grandchildren. Jim was not the sort of person who bowed to pressure from anyone, but when his granddaughter read him a letter describing the impact his drinking had on their relationship, he knew he needed help. Although Jim was initially reluctant to get help, once he arrived in treatment he described the choice to get treatment as one he had been thinking about for a long time and that he just needed the right excuse to find the time. It was so important to his brain to experience a sense of control that his recollection became distorted and created the story that entering treatment was his idea all along. This is very common and is an example of the hindsight bias we discussed in chapter 3 .
After some time getting familiar with his peers, his counselor, and me, he started to develop some trust in us and revealed that, in fact, he had made numerous efforts to decrease or stop his drinking. These attempts would usually last a few days or weeks before he invariably started drinking again. He described strategies such as promising himself he wouldn’t drink, staying at work later into the evenings to avoid going to the liquor store, switching to nonalcoholic beer, even taking self-prescribed Antabuse, a drug that makes you sick if you drink while taking it. (The adage “physician, heal thyself” is usually not a good idea, especially when it comes to self-prescribing.) He admitted to me that, truth be told, he knew he couldn’t stop. My staff believed he was beginning to make some progress and look at how he might reduce his risk of relapse when, all of a sudden, Jim announced to the group that he now understood alcoholism and would “never drink again.” He described a sense of profound insight into his alcohol use and the reasons why he drank. He was certain that he had changed substantially, ensuring he would remain sober. He dismissed the experience of his peers in rehab who explained that they, too, had believed at times that acquiring some insight and making different plans would be sufficient to avert relapse.
Jim planned to leave treatment immediately. All
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