attempts to convince him otherwise were unsuccessful. His family made arrangements for his continued stay, with pet care and coverage at his office, but he was very insistent, calling a cab to take him home. He wouldn’t even stay for one more day to reflect on what everyone explained to him was an impulsive decision. Not surprisingly, his family was very upset about this, and when he returned home he started drinking again within a week. When he finally returned to treatment two weeks later, he told me, “I’m not sure what happened, but this time I’m really not ever going to drink again.” Within a week, he had left treatment again. You can guess the outcome.
Similarly, I have worked with countless people who have allowed themselves to be exposed to situations that undermine their goals and lead them back to their cravings and unwanted behaviors. In so many cases, people who suffer from cravings simply don’t believe they will be affected; they believe they have the willpower to withstand the environmental threats (“triggers” in the addiction treatment-speak). They think they are immune. Whether it’s the committed dieter who thinks a walk through the mall is safe on an empty stomach (it’s the food court that got him), or the compulsive gambler who takes a trip to Vegas “just to see the shows,” people who mean well often fail and don’t know why.
The three examples I’ve given above are situations that are obviously risky, and you might be surprised that anyone could be so easily fooled. But the truth of the matter is that everyone who experiences the kinds of cravings we are talking about has been fooled, even if it’s been in more subtle ways. The brain tricks us into believing we’re immune—that we’ll be okay, this time will be different, we’ve finally figured it out, we just needed to be more committed, and this time we really are going to put our minds to it. Our brains work very hard to find some singular defect in our prior strategies, and then we focus only on those defects to the exclusion of all else. It’s like buying a used car and finding out too late that the transmission is shot and then only inspecting the transmission while shopping for the next used car. The focus is on addressing historical problems and defects, while completely dismissing the risk associated with potential or future threats to recovery. Sadly, often what happens when people experience limited success is that they stop trying; they do just enough, which turns out later to be not nearly enough. And who could blame them? Making this type of change is hard work and often uncomfortable. Most people want to experience such discomfort as little as possible.
As if that weren’t enough, people usually don’t know what they need to do in order to break free of the vicious cycle of cravings. Instead of using the types of suggestions found in this book—such as asking others for help, finding people you can trust and sharing your secrets, joining and participating in groups, connecting with spirituality, practicing helpfulness and altruism, and all the other suggestions you are finding here—they will often direct their energy and efforts toward actions that will do little to alter the course of their cravings and subsequent behavior. There are many examples of this. I’ve seen countless people struggling with cravings for food who stocked their cabinets with low-calorie snacks only to find themselves eating dozens of the packages at a time. I’ve worked with many people who believed that the latest fitness gadget they saw on TV would finally motivate them to exercise. I’ve met hundreds of people who wanted to stop smoking and discarded their cigarettes, but not their lighters and ashtrays. I’ve helped hundreds of alcoholics who didn’t want to give up the investment in their wine cellars. In these cases, and many more, an unwillingness to change perspective has led to heartbreaking results: a relapse and
Similarly, I have worked with countless people who have allowed themselves to be exposed to situations that undermine their goals and lead them back to their cravings and unwanted behaviors. In so many cases, people who suffer from cravings simply don’t believe they will be affected; they believe they have the willpower to withstand the environmental threats (“triggers” in the addiction treatment-speak). They think they are immune. Whether it’s the committed dieter who thinks a walk through the mall is safe on an empty stomach (it’s the food court that got him), or the compulsive gambler who takes a trip to Vegas “just to see the shows,” people who mean well often fail and don’t know why.
The three examples I’ve given above are situations that are obviously risky, and you might be surprised that anyone could be so easily fooled. But the truth of the matter is that everyone who experiences the kinds of cravings we are talking about has been fooled, even if it’s been in more subtle ways. The brain tricks us into believing we’re immune—that we’ll be okay, this time will be different, we’ve finally figured it out, we just needed to be more committed, and this time we really are going to put our minds to it. Our brains work very hard to find some singular defect in our prior strategies, and then we focus only on those defects to the exclusion of all else. It’s like buying a used car and finding out too late that the transmission is shot and then only inspecting the transmission while shopping for the next used car. The focus is on addressing historical problems and defects, while completely dismissing the risk associated with potential or future threats to recovery. Sadly, often what happens when people experience limited success is that they stop trying; they do just enough, which turns out later to be not nearly enough. And who could blame them? Making this type of change is hard work and often uncomfortable. Most people want to experience such discomfort as little as possible.
As if that weren’t enough, people usually don’t know what they need to do in order to break free of the vicious cycle of cravings. Instead of using the types of suggestions found in this book—such as asking others for help, finding people you can trust and sharing your secrets, joining and participating in groups, connecting with spirituality, practicing helpfulness and altruism, and all the other suggestions you are finding here—they will often direct their energy and efforts toward actions that will do little to alter the course of their cravings and subsequent behavior. There are many examples of this. I’ve seen countless people struggling with cravings for food who stocked their cabinets with low-calorie snacks only to find themselves eating dozens of the packages at a time. I’ve worked with many people who believed that the latest fitness gadget they saw on TV would finally motivate them to exercise. I’ve met hundreds of people who wanted to stop smoking and discarded their cigarettes, but not their lighters and ashtrays. I’ve helped hundreds of alcoholics who didn’t want to give up the investment in their wine cellars. In these cases, and many more, an unwillingness to change perspective has led to heartbreaking results: a relapse and
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