gaze, then
kicked a small rock to the grass. “Guess we got lucky.”
We stopped at the edge of the
sidewalk, where our paths were about to diverge. “So what are you gonna do
now?” I asked.
“Nothing.” Evan put his arms
over his head. “I think I’m just gonna crash.”
“You’re not going to that
party?”
“Nah, probably not.” He took
out his phone. “Mel hasn’t texted me, which usually means she’s having a good
time. I’m just not really feeling it, you know?”
“No, I know. Trust me, I know.”
He laughed, and put his phone
away. “Plus, I can't afford to wake up hung-over tomorrow. I've got too much
studying to do.”
Evan looked so handsome under
the bright moonlit sky. Confessing he had to skip a party in order to study
made me want to wrap my arms around his back and jump his bones, right there in
the open.
“Can I walk you back to your
dorm?” he asked, finally.
“That sounds perfect,” I
said.
We headed up the dirt trail
behind the library, toward McCarthy Hall, and he stayed right next to me the
entire time. I could have sworn he tried to grab my hand, but it was probably
my imagination, yet again.
“So we still haven't talked
about last night,” he said. “Are you and Mel okay?”
“We're fine,” I said. I bit down
on my tongue in protest. I didn't want to talk about this. “I just panicked a
little. It’s not a big deal.”
“Of course it's a big deal. This
thing that happened to you in high school… it’s obviously something that’s
still a part of you, Syd.”
I rubbed my hands together,
enough to make them sweaty. “It is. I mean, it always will be. I should’ve died
that night, Evan. Every day I’m here… it sounds super corny, but... it really
is a miracle.”
“That’s not corny at all. You
could’ve been paralyzed. God, you could've spent the next ten years in a coma
or something.”
“I know. I’m really lucky.
And that’s why college has been kind of hard for me... you know... fitting in. Especially
when I go to parties. I look around, everyone’s getting wasted. And all I can
think is, is someone gonna die tonight?”
“Oh God. You really think
that?” Evan asked.
I nodded. “I mean, I don’t want to think it. I want to go to a
party and have fun like everyone else. I hope one day I'll be able to, down the
road, but I just can't yet. Last night it happened, all over again. That's
partly why I fainted. I kept waiting to hear two cars crash in the street. I
kept waiting to hear the sirens.”
“But... you can't...” He
shook his head real fast, and made a funny clicking noise with his tongue. “At
the end of the day, you have such little power. I mean, millions of people are
out drinking right now. You can’t keep an eye on every one of them.”
“No, I know. But...” I
shrugged. “I can try!”
We both laughed, as we
reached the top of the hill. We made a left at the first sidewalk, and kept
heading toward the dorms.
“I just try to appreciate
every day, you know?” I said. “Every little moment, every… conversation.”
Evan looked down at the
ground, stuffed his hands in his pockets. Finally: “I wish Melanie was like
you.”
“Like me?”
“I mean, like that .” He said it fast. “I wish she'd appreciate
every day. I try to be that way, the best I can, but I don’t think she stops to
appreciate much of anything anymore.”
“Not anything?”
“Well... certainly not me.”
“What? That's not true.” I dipped
my head back, tried to look into his eyes and imagine what he was thinking. “I
mean, I know you guys said you were having some problems, but...”
“It’s not so much problems,
as we’re starting to drift. She kisses me now, and it’s like she’s kissing her
brother or something. And we spend time together, but all we seem to do lately
is talk. About nothing .”
So he and Melanie weren't
having sex anymore? I really wanted that to be my next question.
“I’m sorry to hear that,”
kicked a small rock to the grass. “Guess we got lucky.”
We stopped at the edge of the
sidewalk, where our paths were about to diverge. “So what are you gonna do
now?” I asked.
“Nothing.” Evan put his arms
over his head. “I think I’m just gonna crash.”
“You’re not going to that
party?”
“Nah, probably not.” He took
out his phone. “Mel hasn’t texted me, which usually means she’s having a good
time. I’m just not really feeling it, you know?”
“No, I know. Trust me, I know.”
He laughed, and put his phone
away. “Plus, I can't afford to wake up hung-over tomorrow. I've got too much
studying to do.”
Evan looked so handsome under
the bright moonlit sky. Confessing he had to skip a party in order to study
made me want to wrap my arms around his back and jump his bones, right there in
the open.
“Can I walk you back to your
dorm?” he asked, finally.
“That sounds perfect,” I
said.
We headed up the dirt trail
behind the library, toward McCarthy Hall, and he stayed right next to me the
entire time. I could have sworn he tried to grab my hand, but it was probably
my imagination, yet again.
“So we still haven't talked
about last night,” he said. “Are you and Mel okay?”
“We're fine,” I said. I bit down
on my tongue in protest. I didn't want to talk about this. “I just panicked a
little. It’s not a big deal.”
“Of course it's a big deal. This
thing that happened to you in high school… it’s obviously something that’s
still a part of you, Syd.”
I rubbed my hands together,
enough to make them sweaty. “It is. I mean, it always will be. I should’ve died
that night, Evan. Every day I’m here… it sounds super corny, but... it really
is a miracle.”
“That’s not corny at all. You
could’ve been paralyzed. God, you could've spent the next ten years in a coma
or something.”
“I know. I’m really lucky.
And that’s why college has been kind of hard for me... you know... fitting in. Especially
when I go to parties. I look around, everyone’s getting wasted. And all I can
think is, is someone gonna die tonight?”
“Oh God. You really think
that?” Evan asked.
I nodded. “I mean, I don’t want to think it. I want to go to a
party and have fun like everyone else. I hope one day I'll be able to, down the
road, but I just can't yet. Last night it happened, all over again. That's
partly why I fainted. I kept waiting to hear two cars crash in the street. I
kept waiting to hear the sirens.”
“But... you can't...” He
shook his head real fast, and made a funny clicking noise with his tongue. “At
the end of the day, you have such little power. I mean, millions of people are
out drinking right now. You can’t keep an eye on every one of them.”
“No, I know. But...” I
shrugged. “I can try!”
We both laughed, as we
reached the top of the hill. We made a left at the first sidewalk, and kept
heading toward the dorms.
“I just try to appreciate
every day, you know?” I said. “Every little moment, every… conversation.”
Evan looked down at the
ground, stuffed his hands in his pockets. Finally: “I wish Melanie was like
you.”
“Like me?”
“I mean, like that .” He said it fast. “I wish she'd appreciate
every day. I try to be that way, the best I can, but I don’t think she stops to
appreciate much of anything anymore.”
“Not anything?”
“Well... certainly not me.”
“What? That's not true.” I dipped
my head back, tried to look into his eyes and imagine what he was thinking. “I
mean, I know you guys said you were having some problems, but...”
“It’s not so much problems,
as we’re starting to drift. She kisses me now, and it’s like she’s kissing her
brother or something. And we spend time together, but all we seem to do lately
is talk. About nothing .”
So he and Melanie weren't
having sex anymore? I really wanted that to be my next question.
“I’m sorry to hear that,”
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