Cosmic

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Authors: Frank Cottrell Boyce
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didn’t steal it. I sat in it. Anyway, I’ve been studying.”
    “Liam, what are you on about?”
    “I’ve been getting dad skills. I’ve made a scientific study of my dad. I’ve copied all the playlists off his iPod onto my phone. Look. Oasis, Oasis, Oasis and Oasis. I’ve learned the lyrics to all their songs. I can sing like a dad. Listen.”
    “What?”
    “I’ve been monitoring his conversation and his lifestyle too. So I can talk like a dad. Want to hear?”
    “I already know what dads talk like. Dads say, ‘What time will you be home?…Don’t be late…. I’ll come and pick you up.’” She turned to face me. “My dad takes an interest. He takes care of me. If I go off to some theme park, he is going to notice.”
    I butted in. “Ah, now, I’ve thought of that. I’ve written two letters….” I got them out of my Little Stars folder to show her. “One’s supposed to be from your mom to theschool, saying you’ve got to have your appendix out. The other one—which is on proper school notepaper—is from the guidance counselor, saying you’ve been specially selected for a Gifted and Talented trip to the Lake District.”
    We were turning the corner into a little cul-de-sac. A couple of lads were playing soccer, and Ibiza was sitting on a wall. This must be Florida’s house and I still hadn’t persuaded her.
    She was opening the door now and letting Orlando and Ibiza in. I wondered if her dad was in. But no. “He’s busy,” she said. “Real dads are, you know.” She closed the door on me.
    To be honest, this was proving harder than I’d expected. I gave it one last shot. I pushed the school letter through the letter box and shouted in after it, “Read it! It’s brilliant.”
    As you may be aware, Waterloo High has for a long time had a relationship with the South Lakeland Activity Center near Kendal. The possibility has arisen for some specially selected Year Seven pupils to attend a Gifted and Talented course at the center. Activities at the center include kayaking, abseiling, walking, pond dipping, drystone walling and nature study. Yourchild is one of a very few chosen for a place on this program, which will be fully funded by the Education Authority. It will be free. We strongly urge you to allow your child to benefit from this once-in-a-lifetime experience. Please sign the form below.
    After a couple of minutes Florida opened the door again. I thought she’d be impressed. She said, “All this? To go on a ride?”
    “Well, there’s more than one ride. And the park’s not in Bootle, you know. You have to get there. All the transport’s sorted though. I think they’re sending a limo.”
    “A limo? Like a real limo?”
    Now she was interested.
    “Yeah. A limo. You know, like a celebrity.”
    “Where is this theme park?”
    I said, “Well, you know. It’s down south. You’ll need your passport for ID and stuff. You have got one, haven’t you?”
    I waited. Eventually she said, “I’ll think about it.”
    I think it was good strategy to just say, “Down south,” and not how far south.
    I didn’t say it was quite a long way south and I certainly didn’t mention that it was a really long way east. In China.

Hello, Lucky Winners
    It’s no good just talking like a dad—you have to dress like one too. So on Monday night I had a look in his wardrobe. Dad wears the same jeans every day except Sunday, even though he owns four pairs. One pair was too tight on the waist. And one was from when he was trying to wear more interesting colors. They were an unusual shade of custard. They would’ve been a good buy for a chameleon planning to hide in a trifle. I knew Dad wouldn’t miss them so I took them, along with Talk to Your Teen, and stuck them in the special waterproof outdoor-activities backpack Mom bought me, thinking I was going to the Lakes.
    At 7:20 on Tuesday morning I texted Florida: “Limoz here.” Ten minutes later she was knocking at the door.
    “Where’s this

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