âHeâs not working out too badly. Hey, did you see that table-tennis match and how beaten-up that guy got?â
âThey got kicked out of the tournament and the league,â Carla says.
âServes them right,â Mom says. âWhatâs gotten into sports? If thereâs fighting, it draws an audience.â
Sadie holds her hands out to take her daughter.
âTo be the best, one wants to prove himself,â Carla says, handing over Brinley, and pays attention to the television, where a fight has broken out.
âSee? See?â her mom says, rising to her feet and throwing her arms up in the air. She grabs Carlaâs dinner plate.
âItâs part of the game.â Dad yells, âGet him, Miller! He deserves it!â
Carla canât take her eyes away from the screen. Miller gets punched in the head and is taken down by his opponent. She swallows hard and sinks into the couch, watching Miller laying on the ice; he is slow to get up. Her heart is in her throat.
âYou need to start dating more, Carla. You need to find someone.â
She watches Devin being escorted to the bench by a referee. âIâve tried.â
âGavin? Are you sure there isnât someone you can set Carla up with?â
âIâm not desperate,â she says.
âYou work too much,â Mom says.
âI enjoy work. Look where itâs gotten me.â
âDivorced and childless.â
Itâs like the air has been sucked out of the room. The only sound is the commentators on the TV.
Carla holds her lips tight. A burn of tears are behind her eyes, and any second she might let the tap go. She wonât cry in front of her family, she tells herself. She has to be strong. Itâs what got her through her divorce with Timothy. When everyone was telling her they were sorry and sheâll find happiness again one day, she wanted to ask when? Not everyone gets a second chance at falling in love. Although being with Timothy was love, not in love, like a desirable lifeline that one canât live without.
In the beginning, Carla had been attracted to Timothy and liked being around him. He understood her job and she liked that she could trust him. She didnât have to worry about Timothy talking behind her back; he cheered her on and wanted to see her accomplish her career goals. That was enough for her to stick with him and believe that his smarts and professionalism was what was missing in her life. By the second year of marriage and one miscarriage, she hadnât craved being with him every day. Sheâd started to blame work. Carla thought that as soon as they had a baby, it would bring them closer. They were trying. There were months of disappointment. Timothy said he didnât have a desire to be a parent like she did. Carla started to have doubts about the marriage and questioned her true feelings about Timothy. She pressured him about having a baby. Even after the second miscarriage, he hadnât shown much emotion except for her loss. She wondered if he was secretly celebrating, and that made her hold a grudge. Timothy told her it would happen when the time was right, but it couldnât happen fast enough. Carla made doctor appointments to have herself checked out to see what the problem was, but Timothy discouraged her and said they didnât have a problem; it just wasnât their time. She blames herself for the breakup and for hurting Timothy, but she also blames herself for not aggressively finding a solution.
âWhy do you do this, Mom? Why do you make me feel like Iâve screwed up and wonât have a family?â
âIf you were married to Timââ
âWell, Iâm not! And I was talking about success. I wouldnât have an anchor position if I didnât put in the time and energy.â
âIsnât finding someone more important?â
âWhat do you want me to do? Stand on a street corner with a sign that
âThey got kicked out of the tournament and the league,â Carla says.
âServes them right,â Mom says. âWhatâs gotten into sports? If thereâs fighting, it draws an audience.â
Sadie holds her hands out to take her daughter.
âTo be the best, one wants to prove himself,â Carla says, handing over Brinley, and pays attention to the television, where a fight has broken out.
âSee? See?â her mom says, rising to her feet and throwing her arms up in the air. She grabs Carlaâs dinner plate.
âItâs part of the game.â Dad yells, âGet him, Miller! He deserves it!â
Carla canât take her eyes away from the screen. Miller gets punched in the head and is taken down by his opponent. She swallows hard and sinks into the couch, watching Miller laying on the ice; he is slow to get up. Her heart is in her throat.
âYou need to start dating more, Carla. You need to find someone.â
She watches Devin being escorted to the bench by a referee. âIâve tried.â
âGavin? Are you sure there isnât someone you can set Carla up with?â
âIâm not desperate,â she says.
âYou work too much,â Mom says.
âI enjoy work. Look where itâs gotten me.â
âDivorced and childless.â
Itâs like the air has been sucked out of the room. The only sound is the commentators on the TV.
Carla holds her lips tight. A burn of tears are behind her eyes, and any second she might let the tap go. She wonât cry in front of her family, she tells herself. She has to be strong. Itâs what got her through her divorce with Timothy. When everyone was telling her they were sorry and sheâll find happiness again one day, she wanted to ask when? Not everyone gets a second chance at falling in love. Although being with Timothy was love, not in love, like a desirable lifeline that one canât live without.
In the beginning, Carla had been attracted to Timothy and liked being around him. He understood her job and she liked that she could trust him. She didnât have to worry about Timothy talking behind her back; he cheered her on and wanted to see her accomplish her career goals. That was enough for her to stick with him and believe that his smarts and professionalism was what was missing in her life. By the second year of marriage and one miscarriage, she hadnât craved being with him every day. Sheâd started to blame work. Carla thought that as soon as they had a baby, it would bring them closer. They were trying. There were months of disappointment. Timothy said he didnât have a desire to be a parent like she did. Carla started to have doubts about the marriage and questioned her true feelings about Timothy. She pressured him about having a baby. Even after the second miscarriage, he hadnât shown much emotion except for her loss. She wondered if he was secretly celebrating, and that made her hold a grudge. Timothy told her it would happen when the time was right, but it couldnât happen fast enough. Carla made doctor appointments to have herself checked out to see what the problem was, but Timothy discouraged her and said they didnât have a problem; it just wasnât their time. She blames herself for the breakup and for hurting Timothy, but she also blames herself for not aggressively finding a solution.
âWhy do you do this, Mom? Why do you make me feel like Iâve screwed up and wonât have a family?â
âIf you were married to Timââ
âWell, Iâm not! And I was talking about success. I wouldnât have an anchor position if I didnât put in the time and energy.â
âIsnât finding someone more important?â
âWhat do you want me to do? Stand on a street corner with a sign that
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